Jacky S - Suburban Souls, Book I

Now let us talk of less serious things. I thank you infinitely for your good letter that I found here yesterday. I am going to tell you all my adventures at the poste restante.

a) Sensational entrance, when I do not dare, before all the eyes that are fixed on me, to go at once to the grating. I buy some stamps.

b) Still fearing to go up to the department of the bureau restant, I buy a letter-card and write, and post it to the Louvre about a little purchase there.

c) Still being the silly goose you know so well, I take a telegraph form, and write thereon the initials you know, for despite the desire I had to read your letter, I still had not the courage to ask for your missive out loud.

There you have the confession of a very stupid little girl.

Next time, however, I think I shall be bolder, for after all I am not the only female who has letters sent to a post-office, am l?

I am still more jealous than ever of my big Smike, who I love so well. He has every happiness, while I am like a poor little neglected one. He never leaves you, and can see you all day and even all night. All this is clearly very unjust. I am bored to death. Really, if my life does not soon change, I believe I shall go mad.

You must have lots of amorous intrigues to write from one till six. It is frightful to think about. I should like to be able to make you love me so much that you would not be able to do without me, which is at present my position with regard to you.

I have finished reading The Yellow Room. The effect produced by this book upon me was terrible. Nevertheless, there is one thing that I found rather grotesque; it is the way in which the future betrothed makes love to Alice. It is quite in the modern style, is it not?

I cover you with kisses, literally all over, and each one is longer and more passionate than the other.

Your slave,

LILIAN.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Received July 12, 1898.

Another day gone by, and I am delighted, for 'tis one day less without you. What a pity that you should be away at this moment; Papa and Mamma are off tomorrow until Sunday and I shall then be alone. If you were here I should be full of joy, but in this case I shall only feel myself a little more lonely.

You can write to me here this week, if you like. I hope your health gets better every day. I am still very well; my heart makes me suffer, and that is your fault. Everything bores me, nothing interests me. Life seems to me empty and commonplace. If I had my master, it would be quite different.

Your newspapers were received Saturday evening. Thank you for Our Dogs.

I have still not caught sight of the famous book that you lent to Papa. I think he keeps it at the rue Vissot. And for a very good reason!..

I drink you slowly, softly, but passionately. To you go all my thoughts, all my desires.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Telegram, received July 13, 1898.

Sweetest remembrance, love.

LILIAN.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Received July 14, 1898

You know perfectly well I am jealous, and it is always very wicked, just like a naughty Papa that you are to tease your daughter with that silly little Yvonne of yours; and although she is only eight, it is nevertheless a little of the love that is mine which she steals from me.

I am not pleased with you, nor with Smike, who lets himself be fondled by anybody. When blest with a Papa as dirty as mine is, one can never be easy, even when it is a question of a child only eight years old.

The master may want his slave to make him naughty from a distance, but his slave is not going to excite you, for others might get the benefit.

Yes, I went and spent Sunday afternoon in Paris at the house of one of my lady friends, but accompanied by the servant-girl.

I want you to hear from me every day; that is why, when I can't write to you, I send you a wire.

You can tell me whatever you like about your “wretched fat belly.” That will not prevent me from loving you. It is therefore useless to continue in that strain; you hurt my feelings.

I should like to be near you, so as to be able to rub you myself with eau de Cologne, and to be able to kiss you all over, and suck you as you loved to be sucked, making you thrill with pleasure.

You simply make my mouth water and something else, too, when you tell me about the little drop that escapes you when you write me. What shameful waste!

Yes, sweetheart, I like the idea of you doing mimi to me while I should suck you; I should think that must be simply delicious. I like everything you have done so far, and am looking forward to your idea of the paint brush. Shall I be able to do so to you also?

LILIAN.

I had been quite surprised by her matrimonial projects and I considered that she was getting too fond of me. Of my own feelings I will not speak, but I considered it was my duty to check her rising passion. So I began to write her coarse and disgusting letters. What I said, what I proposed, can be guessed by her answers. I painted myself in the blackest colors and impressed upon her that I was too old; a man of forty-six could not marry a girl of twenty-two. Besides, was I not an invalid, cursed with rheumatism, which might return at any moment, and slightly obese into the bargain? To my great stupor, the more brutally crude and lewd I was, the more she seemed to like me.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Received July 15, 1898.

Really, Papa, you are not serious. Fancy throwing away a letter I ought to have had! It shows how careful you are and how much you love your daughter. Your slave is very, very, cross indeed, and if you go on in that shameful way, she will have to look about for a better master. Your incestuous daughter has no preference for any tongue, but she would very much prefer yours. But, as she cannot have it, she must, for the moment, put up with French or English, as you choose to write.

I am very glad to think the treatment agrees with you and above all that it does not weaken you. I will do that when you return.

You can write to me here up to Sunday, but afterwards we must make shift with the poste restante of the rue de Strasbourg.

Yes, I had your letter. I went expressly to Paris to fetch it. I should have been so sad if I had not got one. Smike is really too much spoilt but I understand that you cannot bring it over your heart to punish him when he gets up to his tricks. I am just the same with Blackamoor. He is a darling, and I tell him everything that passes through my mind about my dirty Papa.

Good night, dear love, I run to put this note in the post, for I want you to have it tomorrow.

I desire you,

LILIAN.

LILIAN TO JACKY.

Received July 16, 1898.

Do not write here any more, my adored one, as my parents arrive this evening. We must once more make use of the poste restante, which is-my faith! — very convenient.

I also prefer the word “daughter” to that of fille; it sounds more intimate, does it not?

Do you know, dear master, that if I spoil you as you say so prettily, I am also spoiling myself?

You deserve to be very severely punished and you shall be when you return, and this is what I shall do to you: I shall suck you twice running for having dared to write this sentence: “above all, at my age.” Whatever do you mean? Verily, one would think that you take a pleasure in making yourself look older than you are in my eyes. I repeat to you once more, you can do whatever you like, I shall love you in spite of all.

You know very well that I shall not tell anybody what we do together and I do not wish to please any other man. I don't care a straw for anybody but you. You are the only one who will ever possess me, since you are the only one I love.

To be your footstool, lying under your writing table, with your booted feet upon me, and to serve as your chamber utensil, since you say you will make water on my naked body, are two ideas that are far from being commonplace. You know you can do whatever you like to me; oh, dirty and very disgusting Papa!