Энн Файн: The Killer Cat Strikes Back

‘Before six o’clock,’ added Pusskins. ‘This evening. On the dot. Otherwise the new car goes to the runner-up.’

‘All this is news to me,’ I said, a shade uneasily.

‘I can’t think why,’ said Tiger. ‘Everyone else knows. And Ellie’s mother and father must know as well because Mr Harris has sent Gregory round at least a dozen times with notes to tell them.’

I felt even more uneasy. Glancing guiltily towards the litter gathered under the holly bush, I couldn’t help muttering, ‘Dear me. Oh, dear me. Oh, dear.’

‘I expect the raffle ticket’s been lost,’ said Pusskins. ‘Those things are very light and small. It must be terribly easy for everyone in the household to forget where they put it.’

I found myself staring at a cloud sailing over my head, and saying nothing.

Everyone round me sighed.

‘We’d all have a better life if your family had a new car,’ said Bella. ‘They would go off on more day trips. Leave us to ourselves a bit.’

We all fell silent, thinking of the good times we used to have racing around the living room, ripping up the cushions and scaring the goldfish silly.

‘Oh, all right !’I said.

Take it from me, it is no joke, sticking your head in a holly bush. I had to stretch really far to find a note that wasn’t badly ripped. Bella’s a tubby tabby, so she helped me roll it flat. (We quite enjoyed that idle hour on the warm flagstones.)

And then I slid it under the back door.

It was Ellie’s mother who picked it up, of course. ‘George! George! We’ve won a car! In a raffle! All that we have to do is find the ticket you bought from Gregory’s dad, and the car will be ours!’ She rushed towards him. ‘So where did you put it to keep it safe?’

She skidded to a halt. ‘George?’ she said. ‘George? You do remember where you put it, don’t you?’

Ellie and I turned round to look at him.

He had gone green.

9: ‘Run, Daddy! Run!’

OF COURSE, THE POOR sap hadn’t got a clue. I watched them turn the house upside down, up-ending sofas, peering under rugs, sticking their noses into old envelopes.

By the time the clock ticked round to a quarter to six, they were quite desperate.

‘It must be somewhere !’

‘Where did you put it? Try to remember!’

He clutched his hair and wailed, ‘I don’t know! All I can recall is coming back into this room with the raffle ticket in my hand.’

I tried to give them a hint. I kept on strolling up and down along the shelf, and giving little purrs. But they had no time to pay attention to me.

So, in the end, with only five minutes to go before the deadline, I had to do what he’d been trying to get me to do for several weeks.

I didn’t choose to do it, you understand. It was an Unselfish Act, purely for the Good of the Community. Left to myself, I would have happily broken my own front left leg rather than please him by damaging that last ugly pot.

But needs must when the devil drives. I stuck out my paw and pushed the thing firmly off the end of the shelf.

I won’t say it smashed. Fat chance. This pot was such an ill-made lump, it simply fell apart in mid-air.

Out tumbled, first, one fresh prawn, then one small raffle ticket.

The bits of pot hit the carpet. Blop! Blop! Blop!

‘What on earth is that prawn doing there?’ said Ellie’s mother.

He didn’t take the time to blush. He simply snatched up the raffle ticket and made for the door.

‘Run, Daddy! Run!’ cried Ellie.

10: A moral victory and

a good result

THE GANG TOLD me all about it afterwards.

‘Didn’t go round by the pavement. Simply jumped over the fence.’

‘Amazing! No doubt about it, it was an Olympic-standard leap.’

‘He practically bust his truss doing it.’

I was sorry to have missed the show. But I was too busy being cuddled and praised by sweet little Ellie. ‘Oh, Tuffy! You’re the cleverest, most wonderful cat in the whole wide world. You found the ticket! Just in time. And now we’re going to have a brand-new car. I love you, Tuffy. I love you. You’re a sweetie, peetie, weetie –’

Okay, okay! Enough! I can’t take too much of the soppy stuff. I shook her off and I went out. I wanted to be alone. I had a thing or two to think about up on my wall. After all, I’d had to make a giant sacrifice. I’d had to do what Ellie’s father wanted all along, and break the pot.

I hate doing things for that man. Normally I’d rather tear off my own left ear than try to please him. But it was for the best. Bella was right. Now they had a better car, they’d go out a whole lot more. I might have lost the battle, but at least, in doing so, I had won the battleground.

It was an honourable defeat.

A moral victory and a good result.