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Some reviews of

The Diary of a Killer Cat

‘It’s hard to beat this great book’

– Junior magazine

‘How a cat can train an owner is hilariously

told by Tuffy himself in this witty commentary

on the strange behaviour of humans’

– Julia Eccleshare, LoveReadingforKids

‘This had me laughing aloud.

It’s an hilarious and easy read’ – Books for Keeps

Anne Fine lives in County Durham. She has written numerous highly acclaimed and prize-winning books for children and adults.

The Tulip Touch won the Whitbread Children’s Book of the Year Award, Goggle-Eyes won the Guardian Children’s Fiction Award and the Carnegie Medal, Flour Babies won the Carnegie Medal and the Whitbread Children’s Book of the Year Award, and Bill’sNew Frock won a Nestlé Smarties Book Prize.

Tuffy’s misdemeanours in The Diary of a Killer Cat and the sequels The Return of the Killer Cat, The Killer Cat Strikes Back , The Killer Cat’s Birthday Bash and The Killer Cat’s Christmas have delighted mischievous children all over the world.

Anne Fine was named Children’s Laureate in 2001 and was awarded an OBE in 2003.

annefine.co.uk

Books by Anne Fine

The Diary of a Killer Cat

The Return of the Killer Cat

The Killer Cat Strikes Back

The Killer Cat’s Birthday Bash

The Killer Cat’s Christmas

Jennifer’s Diary

Loudmouth Louis

Notso Hotso

Only a Show

The Same Old Story Every Year

Stranger Danger?

The Worst Child I Ever Had

For older readers

A Pack of Liars

Crummy Mummy and Me

Flour Babies

Goggle-Eyes

Madame Doubtfire

Step by Wicked Step

The Tulip Touch

The Diary of a KILLER CAT

ANNE FINE

Illustrated by

Steve Cox

PUFFIN

PUFFIN BOOKS

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4P 2Y3 (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd)

Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd)

Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi – 110 017, India

Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd)

Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

puffinbooks.com

First published by Hamish Hamilton Ltd 1994

Published in Puffin Books 1996

Published in Young Puffin Modern Classics 2004

This edition published 2011

Text copyright © Anne Fine, 1994

Illustrations copyright © Steve Cox, 1994

Introduction copyright © Julia Eccleshare, 2004

All rights reserved

The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted

Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-141-97156-8

Introduction

by Julia Eccleshare

Puffin Modern Classics series editor

Can you imagine being right inside your cat’s head? That is exactly where you are in The Diary of a Killer Cat . Once you’ve read this book, you’ll be able to see everything from a new point of view. Think how horrible it is to be stuck in a cage waiting for the vet – especially with a tasty-looking gerbil sitting nearby. Or to be labelled HANDLE WITH CARE. Or to be accused of a crime you haven’t even committed. Poor pussycat! But don’t let the Killer Cat deceive you. Okay, so a cat can be soft and cuddly and furry, but inside every soft pussycat, there’s a cunning little beast.

After I’d read The Diary of a Killer Cat , I never saw a cat in quite the same way again. I now realize that a cat knows what you are thinking – even if you haven’t said it. It knows what you hate and what you like about it – and, mostly, it just doesn’t care! Above all, don’t ever think that you are in charge of a cat. For every plan you have, a cat will have one to outsmart you …

Anne Fine stands up for cats in this hilarious story of humans, cats, gerbils, dogs – and a somewhat unfortunate rabbit …

Table of Contents

1: MONDAY

2: TUESDAY

3: WEDNESDAY

4: THURSDAY

5: FRIDAY

6: STILL FRIDAY

7: SATURDAY

1: MONDAY

Okay, okay. So hang me. I killed the bird. For pity’s sake, I’m a cat. It’s practically my job to go creeping round the garden after sweet little eensy-weensy birdy-pies that can hardly fly from one hedge to another. So what am I supposed to do when one of the poor feathery little flutterballs just about throws itself into my mouth? I mean, it practically landed on my paws. It could have hurt me.

Okay, okay. So I biffed it. Is that any reason for Ellie to cry in my fur so hard I almost drown, and squeeze me so hard I almost choke ?

‘Oh, Tuffy!’ she says, all sniffles and red eyes and piles of wet tissues. ‘Oh, Tuffy. How could you do that?’

How could I do that? I’m a cat. How did I know there was going to be such a giant great fuss, with Ellie’s mother rushing off to fetch sheets of old newspaper, and Ellie’s father filling a bucket with soapy water?

Okay, okay. So maybe I shouldn’t have dragged it in and left it on the carpet. And maybe the stains won’t come out, ever.

So hang me.

2: TUESDAY

I quite enjoyed the little funeral. I don’t think they really wanted me to come, but, after all, it’s just as much my garden as theirs. In fact, I spend a whole lot more time in it than they do. I’m the only one in the family who uses it properly.

Not that they’re grateful. You ought to hear them.

‘That cat is ruining my flower beds. There are hardly any of the petunias left.’

‘I’d barely planted the lobelias before it was lying on top of them, squashing them flat.’