Tera Patrick - Sinner Takes All

I thought to myself, “Oh my God. This just did not happen to me.” In that moment, I was deeply humbled. Here is a woman who can’t go to the bathroom on her own and the only way to communicate with me is to throw a fucking bedpan at my head. It felt awful. I wiped the urine off my face and decided in that moment that there had to be something better for me out there. I took the rest of the day off and I quit my job the very next day. It was the spring of 1999 and time for a fresh start.

I had been living in an apartment in Canoga Park, California, a city in the Valley—the porn capital of the world. It was a small place, but for my friends and me it was our dream pad—a real party apartment. My girlfriends would drop by all the time to hang out there. When I arrived home soaked in urine that day and ready for a shower, two friends were waiting for me: Elena, a hairdresser, and Honey, a photographer. I told them what had just happened, and we began brainstorming about what else I could do with my life. Naturally, the talk turned to modeling. Honey said, “I think you should pose for Playboy . I think that it would be an amazing opportunity for you.”

I had never done nude modeling before, but the idea appealed to me. I was an exhibitionist and, of course, I grew up loving those girls in Playboy . Elena wasn’t so sure. “I think you’re too good to do Playboy ,” she said. “I think it’s degrading to women. I don’t think you should do it.” I didn’t think it was degrading to women. I figured if nude modeling was good enough for my idols, then it was good enough for me.

At the time, I was a size 6 and 135 pounds. That was way too large to go back to runway, print, or commercial modeling. You need to be about 110 at my height for that kind of modeling. But you can be a size 6 or even larger to pose in Playboy or other nude magazines, and that is what I love about that part of the industry. You don’t have to be stick thin to show the world you’re beautiful. This was a door that was open to someone like me, so I ran through that door with my arms and legs wide open.

Nude modeling and porn are the only areas of the entertainment industry that seemed to truly embrace women of all sizes, shapes, colors, and backgrounds. Hollywood makes you conform to being that size 0, but porn and slutty magazines don’t. It’s an equal-opportunity industry. In mainstream Hollywood, a woman like me—half Thai, size 6, big double-D natural breasts—wouldn’t get work. The real Hollywood discriminates. But the other Hollywood—the sexier side of Tinseltown—welcomes all. Marilyn Monroe and Bettie Page weren’t stick figures and they got tons of work, so I learned to enjoy my voluptuous body. I liked being curvy, just like my idols.

I wanted to be part of this other side of Hollywood. I didn’t care that Elena thought Playboy wasn’t good enough for me. I made my decision. I filled out the application and made an appointment down at Playboy Studio West in Santa Monica, California. I was interviewed by a woman named Stephanie, who was impressed by my modeling resume and my look. She told me, “Wow, you are so beautiful. We’re going to do a test shoot with you next week and we’ll let you know right away.”

For the test shoot, which was in May 1999, I wore a casual summer dress and sandals. I’d put on my best thong underwear and made sure not to wear a bra so I could really show off my boobs. As we were about to shoot, I got worried that I wasn’t dressed well enough. Stephanie told me, “Oh, no, don’t worry. We’re going to put you in a pretty little outfit and we’re going to do your hair and makeup.”

“Perfect.” I felt at ease and excited at the same time.

As I walked down the hallways of Playboy West Studios to the dressing room, I saw pictures all over the walls of various beautiful girls, one after the other, including Marilyn Monroe. That really clinched it for me.

The makeup artist was a really sweet girl named Kimberly. She started playing with my hair. She picked up a handful and said, “Wow, you have just about the thickest hair I’ve ever seen on any girl.”

I wondered whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

She sat me down in the chair and she put my hair in hot rollers and started painting my face. They brought me a cup of tea, a Coke, and some iced coffee and got me all jacked up. Then they took me to the wardrobe room and picked out a sexy, matching black bra-and-panty set for me.

My strongest memory of the studio is how cold it was. It was a hot summer day outside, but it was ice cold in there. In the middle of the studio was a giant bed with big fluffy pillows surrounded by big beautiful lights. I’d been a little nervous about being in front of the camera again—it had been six years since I’d done any modeling. But I have to say that modeling is like riding a bike. I just automatically fell back into it. They asked me to lie on the bed and I did, arching my back, looking right into the camera. It felt so natural, just like my first test shoot but more glamorous.

The photographer’s only direction to me was this: “OK, this is for your expression: I want lots of ‘Ooohs’ and lots of ‘Ahhhs.’ ‘Oooh. Ahhh.’ Get it?”

I got it. And for the next twenty minutes I went “oooh” and “ahhh” and it was a lot of fun. It was an amazing feeling being in front of the camera again, and I really enjoyed it. It felt like being a princess for a day. After that, I went to my little Mazda 323 hatchback and called my friend Honey. “Well, I did it. I wonder what they’re going to say.”

She was confident. “Oh, they’re going to pick you for sure.”

Sure enough, I got a call the very next day. It was Stephanie: “We’d like to have a meeting with you to talk about being in Playboy .” They wanted me! I was thrilled. I couldn’t believe it. We set up a meeting for the following Monday. I was on my way.

As if fate knew what I was about to do, that same week I saw an ad for figure models at Jim South’s World Modeling Agency on Van Nuys Boulevard in Van Nuys, California, and I walked right in. I figured if Playboy wanted me, other magazines would too. So I marched into World Modeling’s offices in these super-short white denim shorts, a baby blue tank top, and heels, looking like Miss Slutterina, and told them I wanted to model.

“Oh my God. Who are you?” said a woman in her late twenties named Chazz. She was Jim South’s receptionist, and I’d later find out that she was a performer in the porn industry too. I’d also later find out that World Modeling didn’t just rep girls for nude magazines, but for adult films as well.

“I’m Linda. I’m here for the figure modeling.”

Chazz must have liked what she saw because she immediately took me into one of the back rooms and Polaroided me. That’s what they did back then. They would take quick Polaroid photos to get a feel for how you photograph. She took a few shots from the front, a few from the back, a few from the side, and then said, “I can definitely get you in Penthouse .”

“ Penthouse ? Oh my God,” I thought to myself.

“When can I get in Penthouse ?” I asked Chazz.

“I’m going to call photographer Suze Randall. She shoots for the magazine. She’ll shoot you and then submit the photos to Penthouse and we’ll see.”

“Great!” I couldn’t believe it. Playboy and Penthouse ?!

A few days later, I went to Suze Randall’s studio on Kotner in Santa Monica, California. Suze is this wonderful dykey woman with cropped blond hair like Victoria Beckham, schoolmarmish glasses, and a charming thick British accent. I showed up in a matching peach bra and thong set and asked, “Do you want me to get naked?” I was ready to bare all.