Алекс Баркли - I Confess

Patrick stared at him. ‘No.’

‘Just no?’

‘Just no.’

‘I’m a bit too pissed to be reliable here, in fairness,’ said Murph. ‘but I’d fucking hate to be you. At least I’ve some hope of forgetting the whole night. Or it’ll just stay feeling like the fucking nightmare it is now.’

‘All we need to do,’ said Patrick, ‘is get the body out of sight. Preferably somewhere we can lock. Would Johnny have keys downstairs labelled?’

‘Would that not be a stupid move?’ said Murph. ‘So, probably — yes. And if not, we can just cover it up properly t’fuck, put it behind the pallets and hope to fuck she hasn’t lost her dog. And that it’s not a cadaver dog.’

They walked towards the stairs to the basement.

‘We better be quick too,’ said Murph, ‘or she’ll be wondering what’s kept us. We could tell her we had to chop some trees. Though, in fairness, we could have said “fuck it” and gone to the bar for a drink.’

Patrick looked at him.

Murph nodded. ‘There’s nothing worse than being the sober one. She’s in the bar. I get it.’ He paused. ‘We could have diarrhoea.’

Patrick stopped walking. ‘I think we’ve made a mistake.’

‘What?’ said Murph. ‘Why?’

‘Leaving Johnny in there, the state he’s in.’

Johnny walked over to the bar and poured himself a brandy. ‘Everyone OK for drinks?’

‘I’ll have a vodka and tonic,’ said Laura.

‘There’s no ice — is that OK?’ said Johnny.

‘No,’ said Laura.

Johnny locked eyes with her. ‘You’re not going to make me go down and get ice, are you?’

Laura shrugged. ‘Depends on whether we’re getting less-special treatment than your fancy guests.’

Johnny let out a breath. He looked at Val. ‘This is what you’re dealing with.’

‘Langerwell,’ said Val.

Everyone looked at her. ‘That name’s familiar.’ She paused. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Maybe he was over here with Patrick at some stage,’ said Johnny.

‘Caught fleeing the scene of a sing-song,’ said Val. ‘Anyway... it’ll come to me, I’m sure.’

There was a knock on the door. ‘Open up! It’s me!’

Val frowned. ‘Is that Edie?’

‘Edie!’ said Johnny. ‘It’s open! Val’s—’

Edie pushed in the door, holding up the notebook. ‘This is so fuh—’ She stopped. ‘Val! Is everything OK?’ She lowered the notebook.

‘Yes, yes,’ said Val. ‘I was coming over to see if Dylan could stay for the night. I tried calling.’

‘Oh, thank God,’ said Edie. ‘I thought he’d a had a meltdown or something.’

‘No, no — they’re happy out,’ said Val.

Edie sat down on the arm of the chair opposite her, holding the notebook on her lap with both hands. ‘Isn’t it terrible how your mind goes to “something’s wrong”? What age does that start happening?’

‘Birth, if you’ve an Irish Mammy,’ said Val. Everyone laughed.

Val glanced at the notebook. Edie’s hands spasmed. ‘So... they’re not causing you any trouble over there,’ said Edie.

‘Not at all,’ said Val. She looked at Johnny. ‘So, what are you going to do about the electricity?’

‘For now,’ said Johnny, ‘absolutely nothing. We’ve got the fire, the candles, the bar. And I’d say we’ll all be passing out fairly shortly. By the time everyone’s up in the morning, I’ll have it sorted.’

‘Who’ll you get, now, to do that?’ said Val. ‘Would Terry Hyland get up out of the bed on a Sunday morning?’

Johnny laughed. ‘You’d never know with Terry, all right. But I do have something I need him to look at down on the jetty too.’

Val glanced towards the window. ‘I’m not sure how good the forecast is for tomorrow.’

‘Not great, apparently,’ said Laura. She looked at Johnny. ‘I wouldn’t go near the jetty, if I was you.’

‘Speaking of Terry,’ said Val. ‘Mally was telling me about the chapel windows. What’s the story there? And Terry trying to say Dylan did it. What was that about?’

‘Don’t mind him,’ said Johnny.

‘Mally was disgusted,’ said Val. ‘Said Terry saw someone in a hoodie and jeans running away and decided it was Dylan. And you know Mally: “Sure, that covers half the lads in town.” But what interests me is that there’ve been a few reports of property damage about the place.’

‘Really?’ said Edie.

‘What do you know about the Britten lad? “Finno”.’

‘Who?’ said Johnny.

Edie frowned at him. ‘The Brittens, Johnny! The wood people.’ She rolled her eyes at Val. ‘They only made all the signs for the grounds... and the fairy houses, and—’

‘Sorry,’ said Johnny. ‘Of course. What about him?’

‘There’s a few rumours flying around about him,’ said Val.

Edie nodded. ‘I heard that, all right.’

Johnny looked at her. She looked at Val. ‘He’s dealing,’ said Val.

‘His poor parents,’ said Edie.

‘Apparently, if people aren’t paying up, he’s retaliating in some way,’ said Val. ‘Nothing physical — property damage. That’s why it occurred to me.’

Edie laughed, and glanced at Johnny. ‘Did we pay them for the toadstools?’

Johnny laughed.

‘Well, if you hear anything,’ said Val. ‘Or if Dylan says anything. You know kids. They won’t say anything to me.’

‘Of course,’ said Edie.

‘So,’ said Val, ‘is there anything I can do?’ She looked at Edie. ‘The electricity. Anything you need?’

‘No, no,’ said Edie. ‘Not at this hour. We’re headed to bed.’

‘Right so,’ said Val. She looked up at the clock. ‘I better get a move on.’

The door pushed open, and Murph and Patrick arrived back in, red-faced, with a basket of logs.

‘Mission accomplished,’ said Murph.

Val stood up.

‘Are you off?’ said Murph.

She nodded. ‘I am. Settle in there by the fire, lads. Warm yourselves up.’

Edie stood. ‘Let me walk you out.’

‘Stay where you are,’ said Val.

‘Oh, she won’t have that!’ said Murph.

Edie laughed. She held the door open for Val. Val paused in the doorway. ‘Goodnight, now,’ she said.

‘Goodnight!’ said Murph. ‘Safe home.’

Murph slumped down in a chair by the fire and whispered, ‘What the fuck was that about?’

Laura hissed a shush at him.

‘I need to know,’ said Murph, ‘there’s no dog involved...’

‘No,’ said Johnny. ‘Dylan’s staying over with them — that was all. She couldn’t ring.’

‘What did you do with... the...’ said Johnny.

‘Propped him up in the squad car with a pair of shades,’ said Murph. ‘Weekend at Johnny’s.’ He sat forward, stabbed a finger at them, and spoke in a loud whisper. ‘Lads, you’re going to have to unmute your fucking laughter here. Because she’s still in the hall, and unless it’s a silent fucking retreat we’re at, I think we’ve all gone a little too quiet.’ Everyone exchanged glances.

‘“HOW DO YOU DO, YOUNG WILLY MCBRIDE?”’ Murph started to sing as he rose from his seat and walked over to the fire. ‘“DO YOU MIND IF I SIT HERE DOWN BY YOUR GRAVESIDE?”’ He mouthed, ‘Too soon?’

They all started laughing.

‘“AND REST FOR A WHIIILE ’NEATH THE WARM SUMMER SUN...”’ He mouthed, ‘Is she still here?’ “I’VE BEEN WALKIN’ ALL DAY AND I’M NEARLY DONE.”’

Val stood at the front door. She tilted her head towards the room. ‘Is that Patrick now? He got up in the end.’

Edie smiled. ‘No — that’s Murph. If someone refuses to sing, he gets up and sings their song.’

‘No wonder no one sings,’ said Val. ‘He’s got some voice.’