Алекс Баркли - I Confess

Johnny turned around. ‘We’re not calling the guards.’

Everyone stared at Johnny.

‘What the fuck is this?’ said Murph.

‘This...’ said Johnny. ‘This is... hear me out, OK? Hear me out. I didn’t do anything. But... whatever happened... if someone did... if someone else did... whatever it is, I’m fucked.’

‘What are you on about?’ said Laura. ‘Why would you be fucked if you did nothing?’

‘Just — can everyone listen, OK?’ said Johnny. ‘Thats all.’

‘Well, we’re not going anywhere, are we?’ said Laura. She leaned out and looked at Edie, who was sitting utterly still, blank-faced.

Johnny was staring at the floor, running his hand over his head, over and over. ‘It’s... I’m not sure you’re getting what I’m trying to say.’

Laura stood up, knocking the legs of the chair and table together. Patrick spun around and gave her a warning look. As she was about to walk past him, he lowered his arm in front of her to stop her. She glared at him. ‘Get your—’

Patrick cut her off. ‘Why don’t we all sit down, and hear the man out, at least?’

Johnny was directly in Laura’s eyeline. ‘Please,’ he mouthed.

Laura let out a breath and went back to her seat. ‘Would you just tell us why exactly you think you’re fucked?’ she said.

‘Jesus Christ,’ said Johnny, ‘I’m standing out there, and you’re all looking at me like I did something, and you’re my friends, and...’ He turned to Edie. She was staring at him, panic flickering in her eyes. Johnny threw his hands up. ‘So how do you think the guards are going to look at it?’

Edie started to stand. ‘Honey, stop—’

‘No!’ said Johnny, batting her back down. ‘No. Just stay where—’

‘Johnny,’ said Patrick. ‘There’s no need for that.’ He grabbed the armrests and started to shift his chair back.

‘You can stay the fuck where you are too,’ said Johnny, ‘and just hear me fucking out.’

‘OK,’ said Patrick, nodding, ‘OK.’

‘I did not lay a finger on that man,’ said Johnny. ‘I don’t know what happened to him. But whatever it was, it’s going to look like I did it. There’s stuff you don’t know, but trust me, Terry and I have a history, and it’s not good. We’ve had rip-roaring rows. He’ll bang on about me to whoever’ll listen, and, well, I do the same myself.’

‘You’re the one keeps hiring him,’ said Murph. ‘What—’

‘Jesus! Shut the fuck up about me hiring him,’ said Johnny. ‘The point is, as soon as the guards start going “Who had a reason to kill Terry Hyland?”—’

‘They’ll say “half the fucking town”!’ said Murph.

‘But only one of them has his fucking body lying in their garden,’ said Johnny. ‘You don’t get it. Everyone knows I can’t stand Terry. I... I held back some of the money I owe him, and he wasn’t happy. But he hadn’t finished the jobs, and it was the only way I could get him to come back.’ He turned to Murph. ‘And I hired him because he’s cheap, OK?’

Everyone went quiet. Edie stared at the floor.

‘This is our lives,’ said Johnny. He gestured over to Edie. ‘And Dylan — heading to college in a couple of years. This is it. The inn is it. And, even if I didn’t do anything...’ He paused. ‘... which I didn’t! Jesus. Stop looking at me, all of you. What I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter who did this. Even with the simple fact that a dead body is found on our property — forever more, google The Inn at Pilgrim Point and that’s what you’ll see. And that’s it — we’re done.’

‘You’re not done,’ said Laura. ‘Don’t be so dramatic.’

‘It is exactly the type of thing that could ruin a business like ours,’ said Edie.

‘Do none of ye care that a man’s been killed?’ said Laura.

‘Look, we don’t know what happened to him,’ said Murph. ‘Maybe it was an accident that someone tried to cover up—’

‘Do you know who will know what happened to him?’ said Laura. ‘The State Pathologist. Then we’ll have our answer, instead of sitting around here talking about it. Just open the door.’ She started to stand up.

‘No!’ said Johnny. ‘No! I’m not opening it. Sorry.’

Laura glanced over at Murph and looked set to stand until he flicked his eyes at her chair. Johnny was pacing from one corner to the other, one foot out from the door.

‘Look,’ said Patrick, his voice calm, his eyes on Johnny. ‘You’ve locked us in here. At least spell it out for us. What is it you want us to do, exactly? Agree to not going to the guards? And then what?’

‘I don’t know!’ said Johnny. ‘I don’t know.’ He lowered himself to the ground, and sat with his back to the wall, his forearms resting on his knees, his head bowed between them.

‘If we come forward now,’ said Patrick, ‘we’re normal, good people — which I’d like to think we are. But say we did agree not to go to the guards — how would any of us know how we’d feel about it in the cold light of day?’

‘Yes!’ said Laura.

‘I don’t think anyone’s getting what I’m trying to say,’ said Johnny.

‘Oh my God,’ said Laura. ‘It’s pretty fucking clear—’

‘I mean why I’m saying it,’ said Johnny. ‘Like — how important this is.’

‘We do!’ said Laura. ‘But that still doesn’t mean we’re going to cover up a crime! Jesus.’

Murph looked at Johnny. ‘Because what’s the plan? If we went along with you?’

Laura nodded. ‘Yeah — like, what are you going to do with Terry? Bury him out there, keep your head down and hope no one comes looking for him? Throw him in a ditch and hope it’ll look like a hit and run?’ She paused. ‘Jesus — Johnny’s looking at me like “that’s not a bad idea”.’ She turned to Edie. ‘Can you please just call the guards? This is madness.’

‘No!’ said Johnny. ‘No! I told you. That’s not happening.’

‘I think you’ll feel differently in the morning,’ said Laura. ‘I think you’ll be glad we talked sense into you—’

Johnny exploded. ‘I won’t! I won’t feel fucking different. I won’t. I’m not watching my life go up in smoke because of that prick. I can’t. I’m sorry.’ He paused. ‘He could... go into the water. If he went into the water, then...’

‘Oh my God,’ said Laura. ‘This is—’

‘It could look like an accidental drowning,’ said Johnny.

‘It wouldn’t,’ said Clare.

‘Why not?’ said Johnny.

‘There would be no water in his lungs,’ said Clare.

‘Am I even hearing this shit?’ said Laura.

‘But he could have had a fall that knocked him out,’ said Johnny. ‘And that would explain the bang on the head, and then he could have fallen into the water.’

Murph nodded. ‘Yeah — one minute, he was working away — hundreds of feet from the edge of the cliff — next minute he went flying.’

‘“The bang on the head”?’ said Laura. ‘Fuck me.’

‘Not if he was down on the jetty,’ said Johnny. ‘He could have slipped on the jetty, cracked his head, and fallen into the water—’

‘Seriously,’ said Laura. ‘I can’t believe I’m listening to this shit.’ She let her head fall back and stared up at the ceiling. ‘As if he’d be down on the jetty on a night like tonight.’ She sat up. ‘Is it because you’re drunk or what?

‘It’s not shit!’ said Johnny.

Murph turned to him. ‘Look — nobody wants to be in this situation, we get it. But I’m not sure you’re the right person to be taking the lead, here.’

‘I own the fucking place!’ said Johnny. ‘Who else is going to—’

‘God forbid Edie might have a—’ said Laura.