Mare Moody - [blank]

"We can go outside," Noah tells me carefully. He still holds my hand but I feel his grip tighten. I look up at him. He looks down at me with love, then I feel a sharp pinch in my leg. I cry out and my knees bends. Noah tightens his grip more. He doesn't want me to be in pain. Then why am I?

I drop to my knees and I feel my whole body grow weak. My arms lose their strength and I fall completely on the ground. My arms grow numb and my legs twitch.

"What is happening!?" I cry out.

"It's just something to it make it easier for you to get to the hospital without getting hurt." One of the men in the white shirt tells me. A group of them walk over to my now limp body and pick me up. As I raised off of the ground, my vision grows spotty. I can see spots and I can't feel my bod-

I gasp. My eyes open quickly and my body jolts. The air around me is cold and the room around me is not my own. I look around. There is an empty bed next to mine. The room resembles a shitty motel. I have no idea where I am or why I'm here. I really need to stop drinking.

I get off of the bed and I realize that I am wearing grey sweatpants and one of my tank tops. Did I change last night? I rub my stomach. I don't know why I drank while pregnant. I hope my baby is ok. I mentally scold myself. I am so fucking selfish sometimes. I get up and start walking out of the room. I really hope I didn't cheat on Noah. When I open the door, I am greeted with the clean hallway of a hospital. I take a step back. What?

Look what you did this time.

I grunt and hold my head. I want to let the thought through but my attention can't focus. I am try to sleuth my way into an understanding on my whereabouts. I walk into the hallway and my barefeet hit the cold tiles. It sends a shiver throughout my body. I cross my arms to hide from the cold. I walk gingerly through the hallway. Nobody stirs. I continue down passed the endless doors. Finally, I see a nurse walking towards me. When she sees my glance, she walks faster. She wears white scrubs and her hair is messily tied into a tired ponytail. I can tell she has been here for far too long.

"Are you Ana?" She asks, rushed.

"Um, yeah," I answer as she approaches me.

"Come with me." She says.

She starts walking into an adjacent hallway that is lined with more doors. This place is a huge maze of entrances with no exits. I follow her heels halfway down the hallway until we reach a nook in the wall. Assorted chairs and tables are scattered. It resembles a waiting room. I am more confused then I have been in a while. She sits on one of the chairs and gestures for me to sit in the across from her. The chairs are an ugly green. I grimace and sit.

She begins to talk, "Do you remember where you are?"

I shake my head.

"Do you remember how to go here?"

I shake my head again. If she keeps asking questions like this, my neck will snap before this conversation is over.

"Do you know what you tried to do?"

Tried to do? Her wording confuses me. I shake my head again.

"What is the last thing you remember?" I can hear the sympathy in her voice. It intimidates me. I don't know what point she is getting at.

"Um, Noah, my boyfriend, and I were having an argument and I walked out."

"Do you remember where you went after that?"

I try to think. I don't remember anything. I can't even conjure one memory of the last whoever knows how long.

I shake my head again.

"Ok, well, you are seeing a Doctor later today and he will explain everything." She puts on a fake smile for my sake and my sake alone, "You are in a mental health facility. Don't worry though, we will take good care of you."

"Thank you?" She managed to not clear up much of my confusion and in fact made me a little more confused.

She stands up and puts out her hand to help me up. I accept her help and rise to my feet.

"I'll bring you to the mess hall so that you can get some breakfast," she says cheerily.

"Ok?" I don't want food, I want answers.

I take a step and I feel my barefeet hit the floor. Should I really keep walking without shoes on? I stop and look up at the nurse. She sees me as I move my feet awkward and chuckles.

"Maybe you should get some shoes first." She says with a laugh, "I'll come back here in a minute and you can meet me after you get them."

I look at her. Does she really like I can get through this terrifying labyrinth of hell without a guide? She smiles at me casually and turns back around. She strolls aimlessly down the hallway and into the abyss of doors. Goddammit woman.

I pick apart my unfamiliar, vague memory that I just created while walk towards here and pray to God that it brings me back. I don't even know my room number. I start my journey. Mash, mash, mash. I walk with uncertain confidence. I walk forward and it an intersection of hallways. I think I go right?

My feet decide before my brain and I turn right. The doors are endless. I don't even want to know how many mechanics, nuts and hinges it took to make this haven of entrances. The end of the hallway become slightly familiar — well, at least more familiar than the last. I scan the doors on my left. I think my room is somewhere here?

I can't run the risk of opening a door and seeing a fat naked guy or a mean old lady who starts throwing greeting cards at me when I even attempt to fully open the door. This is the russian roulette of openings.

I assay the first door hoping that neither of the latter greet me. When I push the door open, I see a sleeped-in bed with my backpack slumped on the side of it. I sigh in relief. My eyes have been spared this time.

I walk into the room and look around the floor. The rug is an ugly vomit color. You can tell it was stapled down in the 1980s. The whole room has an "unrenovated" feel to it. The walls are painted a pale yellow that I assume was once vibrant. Along the walls in a trim that resembles the design on 1990s styrofoam cups. I shake my head at the poor interior design and resume my search for shoes. The fact that I wasn't the one who took off my shoes makes it that much harder to find them.

They could be in Timbuktu and they would still be just as lost to me. I move the blanket off of the bed. Maybe they are under here? The old comforter peels from the mattress like a used bandaid. Years of germs are nearly visible. I try to not gag as I throw it on the floor. My shoes still remain invisible to the naked eye. My glance moves to my backpack. Why didn't I think of that before?

I pick it off of the ground and begin rummaging through it. My clothing is haphazardly balled up and throw in. I can tell it was packed in a rush. I can also tell that this wasn't my doing. I unpacked my backpack at Noah's. I dig through to the bottom. There are no where to be seen.

Then I look at the dresser. On the top are ugly tennis shoes. They are hospital provided and it looks like this is my only option. I sit on the edge of the bed and pull them on my feet. Now I have to make my way back to the nurse. Dear lord help me. This rat race is going to wear me out.

I turn back out of my room. My feet squeak in my new-to-me shoes. They make me unbelievably uncomfortable. I walk down the hallway. Retracing my steps is much easier the third time. Third time's the charm?

I walk with more confidence as I turn left, walk past copious rooms then turn left again. The nurse is sitting in one of the chairs, holding her clipboard. She looks up when she hears my footsteps.

"I see you found our stylish sneakers," she says, "They are in season, you know."

I chuckle. She starts walking through the maze again. I follow her. I stay directly behind her heels. I'm afraid if I don't follow her feet exactly then I will get lost, again.