Iris Johansen - Stalemate

"I love Joe," she repeated.

"Of course you do. But there's a place for me too. I can't promise I won't try to squeeze Quinn out. We're both alpha males. But I can be patient. I know what we have in store for us. I see it. I can feel it."

And he was making her feel it too, she realized. He was blurring the images and drawing her into the circle of intensity as he always did. Fight it.

But dear God, she was weary of fighting.

"I could push it," he said softly. "You're hurting and I may never get another chance when you're this vulnerable." He shook his head. "But that's not good enough for me. I want you to walk toward me and take my hand. I want you to stand beside me as you did in that church, strong and independent and joined in purpose." He turned and headed for the door. "So I'll wait. My time will come."

He was gone.

Relief cascaded through her.

Relief… and disappointment.

Jesus, what the hell was happening to her? She had always known where she was going and this bewilderment was tearing her to pieces.

Forget it. Go to bed. It wasn't as if she were the one to make a decision, she thought bitterly. She wasn't sure Joe still wanted her. Montalvo had already said she wasn't enough for him right now. She might very well end up alone.

And it would probably serve her right. Perhaps a person as obsessed as she should be alone. That way she wouldn't hurt anyone but herself.

She got to her feet. No use sitting here brooding. She would shower, start to pack, and then go to sleep. Tomorrow she'd talk to Montalvo about arranging for her to go back to Atlanta.

It was time to put her life back on track.

"Eve? Are you asleep?"

She turned over in bed to see Joe silhouetted in the open doorway. "No. Come in."

He closed the door and crossed the room to the bed. "I was going to wait until morning. But I couldn't do it."

"It's close enough." She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "It's almost four A.M. That's morning." She sat up in bed. "And I couldn't sleep anyway." She tried to smile. "You pretty well blew me away."

"I know. I had… issues."

"Obviously. Will it help if I tell you I understand every single one?"

He sat down on the bed beside her. "It helps."

"Should I turn on the light?"

"Not now. There's enough moonlight coming in that window." He was silent a moment. "I can work my way through most of those issues. Once I'm healthy I don't believe you're going to treat me like a second-class citizen. You never have before."

"You were never hurt and in danger before. I don't promise I wouldn't do the same thing again. I love you, Joe. Protection goes with the territory. It's self-preservation for me as well as you."

"Then I'll have to be damn sure I don't get wounded again. I can't take it." He paused. "And I'm not afraid of Montalvo. I can find ways to make you forget him. He's the new kid on the block. I know you better than he ever could."

I looked at you and saw myself.

"Yes."

"That wasn't very convincing."

"I'm convinced you can do anything you want to do."

He reached out and took her hand. "Except one thing."

She knew what was coming and instinctively tensed.

"Bonnie. I can't make you forget Bonnie."

"No, you can't," she said unevenly. "Not ever. And if that's becoming a problem, it's the one thing I can't solve."

"It's a problem. I used to think if I could just find her that it would be over. But it's not happening and you almost died this time trying to find her."

"And so did you."

"Yet when we get back to the U.S., you're going to go after that lead Montalvo got for you."

"Yes." Her hand tightened. "So if you're smart, you'll leave me. You don't deserve this."

He looked down at their joined hands. "Do you want me to leave you? Will it make it easier for you?"

"God, no."

He was silent a moment. "Then I think I'll stick around." He kicked off his shoes. "Scoot over. The last time I held you, I was so drugged I couldn't appreciate it."

She shifted over in bed and he enfolded her in his arms. Lord, he felt good. "I love you, Joe," she whispered. "This is all I want. You're all I want."

"That's good to know." He kissed her temple. "And I'll work very hard on keeping the status quo intact."

"So will I," she whispered. "Forever…"

Montalvo was in the library when she came downstairs later that morning. "Good morning." His gaze searched her expression. "You're… serene. I'm not sure that's good for me."

"I want you to arrange transportation to send Joe and me home."

He nodded. "Ah, a reconciliation. Definitely not good for me."

"Will you do it?"

"Of course. I'll have you out of here by late this afternoon." He stood up. "Do I get a fond kiss good-bye?"

"No."

"Coward." He smiled. "I've never kissed you and I thought it would be interesting. But I agree it's better not to run the risk. It would get in the way."

"No risk," she said. "How is Miguel?"

"Much better now that I let him shoot Soldono." He grimaced. "But Venable isn't as pleased. He wanted to bring Soldono back to your justice. I don't trust courts." His expression darkened. "And Miguel deserved his revenge."

She shivered as she remembered the boy hanging from that cross. "When are you taking him to the hospital in the U.S.?"

"As soon as I wind up my affairs here. I'm closing the compound."

"What?"

"I'm retiring. I have all the money I could possibly need. I've accomplished what I set out to do." He inclined his head at her. " We've accomplished what I set out to do. Armandariz and I are burying Nalia's remains in the cemetery in the village where she was born."

"Then she's truly home," she said softly.

He nodded.

"Good. That makes me very happy." She turned to go back upstairs.

"And as soon as I get Miguel on his feet, I'll be keeping my promise about Bonnie's killer."

"I have the names. Joe and I can follow through on it."

"But that wouldn't be keeping my promise."

"We can do it," she repeated.

He studied her expression. "We'll discuss it another time."

"No, I don't want you near me, Montalvo."

He nodded slowly. "Quinn is feeling threatened?"

She didn't answer.

He tilted his head appraisingly. "Or are you the one feeling threatened?"

"We can handle it ourselves." She started up the stairs. "Just as we've always done."

The sun was setting as Eve, Joe, and Galen got into the jeep.

"Why don't you go down and tell her good-bye?" Miguel asked from his bed across the room from the window where Montalvo stood looking down at the courtyard below. "It's what you want to do."

Turn around, Eve. You know I'm watching you.

"How do you know what I want to do?" Montalvo asked.

"I have nothing to do but lie here and think," Miguel said.

"And since I have a very boring selection of subjects I chose you." He paused. "You let her go. I didn't think you'd do it."

"She's not ready for me yet. It would have been a disaster if I'd not walked carefully."

"But you could say good-bye."

"It wouldn't have been satisfactory for either one of us. She's very defensive about Quinn." He smiled. "And not saying good-bye is not a bad thing."

Turn around and look up, Eve.

She gazed straight ahead as the driver started the car.

I'm here, Eve. Just a glance…

Her shoulders tensed and for a moment he thought she'd look back.

She didn't do it. Her shoulders were straight, her eyes still straight ahead as the driver drove through the gates.

Of course she hadn't looked back. It would have been foreign to her character to give in to that impulse.

But for an instant she had thought about it and that was a triumph too.