Iris Johansen - Stalemate

"Are you kidding? After what he's been through with these wounds, he'd have shot anyone who tried to drug him now. He's on the veranda."

"But you're the one who came to meet me."

"He was concerned about you. He wanted to go back to the cemetery and rescue you. He was relieved when I told him you were on the way back here."

She smiled bitterly. "Not relieved enough for him to want to see my face." She wearily shook her head. "I didn't expect anything else. I know how Joe thinks. I hurt his pride. It will take a while for him to forgive me." She paused. "If he ever does."

Galen shrugged. "I can sympathize with him. I'd have problems with being a pawn instead of a player. It would chafe like hell."

"Then he'll have to deal with it." She started up the steps. But Joe wouldn't have to deal with it unless that was his choice. He could turn his back and walk away. The thought sent a jolt of pain through her. Face it. She had done what she had decided had to be done and there might be terrible consequences. Confront them and try to work through them.

Joe was standing by the balustrade on the veranda looking out at the jungle when Eve opened the French doors.

"Shouldn't you be sitting down?" she asked quietly. "Galen said you had to have your stitches redone."

"I don't feel like sitting down." He turned to face her. "It makes me feel weak and ineffectual. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime."

"You weren't ineffectual. You're the one who laid those explosives. You took the beatings that bastard handed out and never flinched." She paused. "You were a hero, Joe."

"Bullshit. I didn't finish the job." He stared her in the eye. "You did. You and Montalvo. I was useless after I was captured. Just a glorified punching bag."

"You weren't useless. If you hadn't set those explosions, Montalvo might not have been able to persuade Armandariz to stage the attack. Everything fell into place."

"What fell into place?"

She frowned. "Didn't Galen tell you?"

"I want to hear it from you. I want to watch your face."

"Do you think I'd lie to you?"

"No, that's not why I want to do it. Tell me."

"When Diaz told me that you'd been captured, I knew I had to make a deal with him. But I couldn't be sure he'd keep it, so I had to involve Montalvo. At first, he refused me and I thought I'd have to go it alone. But I went back and wore him down after I got the call from Galen. He knew there was a chance then. He already knew that Soldono was Diaz's information source and was monitoring his calls. We needed to make sure that Soldono gave Diaz the right information. That was my job."

"Was it your job to meet him in that cemetery and risk your neck?"

"Yes. It was the only way I could be sure of saving you. And it all had to go like clockwork if we were going to wipe Diaz out in one night. Armandariz setting off the explosion and the attack on the castle. Montalvo sending Galen to take care of the sniper in the tower after Galen told us what Diaz was planning. Galen had been monitoring what was going on at the castle with that fancy surveillance equipment you brought with you. Montalvo's part was to take out Diaz so that he couldn't call for more reinforcements. We couldn't tip any part of the plan or the rest might not work."

His lip curled. "I can see the two of you huddled together conspiring."

"We did a lot of that," she said. "We had to make sure Soldono didn't tumble to what we were doing until the right moment."

"Cozy."

"Not at all." Her lips tightened. "What the devil are you trying to say?"

"Did you fuck him?"

She absorbed the shock and then said, "No, I didn't. Did you think I did?"

"Diaz said you told him you did."

"To give me a better position to bargain. I'd think you'd figure that out."

"It was hard to figure anything out when every word was punctuated with a fist in my stomach. It sort of drove his point home."

She flinched. "I can see that it would. Do you believe him?"

He met her eyes and then shook his head. "Not when I'm sane."

"Diaz said in their hearts all men believe women are whores."

"Diaz is wrong. But there's a streak of the primitive that makes us think women will always go to the strong. It's something I can't fight."

"The hell you can't," she said unsteadily. "And you are strong, Joe. Even if you were in a wheelchair, you'd still be stronger than any other man I've met."

"I won't ask if that includes Montalvo."

"I did not fuck him."

"But did you want to?" He moved toward the door. "I think the answer is yes. I don't even want you to deny it. I don't think I'd believe you. Hell, you may not even realize that you do."

"But of course you can see right into my psyche as if it were a blueprint."

"Yes, I know you. Maybe better than you know yourself."

He had reached the door and panic seared through her. "Don't you dare leave. We have to talk."

"Not now. I'm a little raw at the moment. Okay, I have an ego and you stung me by closing me out of the action. That could be part of it. And after all these years of dealing with your obsession about finding Bonnie maybe I'm just tired. I don't know. I have to do some thinking."

"Joe…"

He gazed back at her. "I know you care about me. I know you're upset and hurt. I can't help you this time, Eve." The French doors closed behind him.

Jesus.

She sank into the rattan chair and huddled there. She had hurt him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She had to find a way to help him, heal him. Yes, she was hurting, too, but she was afraid no one could help her.

Those last words had sounded too much like good-bye.

Eve was still on the veranda when Montalvo came back to the compound four hours later.

"Eve?"

She stirred and sat up straight in the chair. "Is everything secured at the village?"

"A few pockets of resistance. Armandariz can take care of the rest." He squatted in front of her chair. "I came to take care of you."

"I'm fine."

"Liar." His fingers moved delicately over her jawline. "You're tense as a violin string. Galen said you'd gone out here to talk to Quinn."

She nodded jerkily.

"And it didn't go well."

"You could say that."

"Why?"

"He thinks I want to go to bed with you."

His fingers continued to stroke her cheek. "Do you?"

"Sometimes." She hadn't realized she'd blurt out the truth that she hadn't fully admitted to herself. "But it's only sex. And I won't do it."

He sighed. "I'm afraid that's true. But what a splendid match we'd make. It would be beyond belief." He touched her lips with his forefinger. "Just once, Eve?"

She shook her head. "Even if there weren't Joe I couldn't risk it. You're… I think you'd be too much."

"Too much what?"

"Too much darkness, too much intensity, too much passion." She shrugged helplessly. "Too much."

"I'm working on the darkness. I believe I have a chance to come into the light now that I've brought Nalia home and killed Diaz. The intensity and the passion?" He smiled. "No way. I told you that we mirrored each other. It may be those qualities that are my most potent ammunition."

Her lip was tingling beneath his touch and she turned her head. "I like my life. I love Joe. You'd… devour me."

"I might try." He rose to his feet. "You're feeling insecure at the moment or you wouldn't be so lacking in confidence. I think I'll leave you alone to pull yourself together. You don't know how difficult it is to be this restrained." He gazed down at her with a smile. "What a team we'd be, Eve. We'd have it all."

She shook her head.

He studied her face. "You don't want to take that first step. I'd help you, Eve. There's so much more between us than sex."