Janet Evanovich - Plum Spooky

“I don‘t know. It‘s commonly used in X-ray imaging. And it‘s useful in making certain kinds of superconductors. I‘m sure it has other uses, but I‘m not a barium expert.”

A shiny black SUV rolled to a stop behind Ranger‘s Porsche. Tank was in Rangeman black fatigues behind the wheel, and Hal was next to him.

“I have to go,” Ranger said. “Try not to stand too close to Diesel. He has some bad enemies. You don‘t want to get caught in the cross fire.”

DIESEL OPENED THE door to my apartment before I had a chance to plug my key in.

“Did you feel my sensory imprint approaching?” I asked him.

“No. I was looking out the window, and I saw you pull into the parking lot. What‘s with the tomatoes?”

“Uncooperative FTA. I tried to take him down in a produce ware house.”

“If we put some mayo on you, I could eat you for lunch. Which reminds me… there‘s no food here.”

“That‘s because you and your monkey have eaten it all.”

“Hey, he‘s not my monkey,” Diesel said.

“Speaking of the monkey, where is he?”

“I think he‘s in the bathroom.”

I heard the toilet flush, the bathroom door banged open, and Carl walked into the living room. He waved at me, climbed onto the couch, and remoted the tele vision on.

“Did you wash your hands?” I asked him.

He held his hands above his head and gave me the finger.

“He‘s not normal,” I said to Diesel.

“And?”

“I need to take a shower.”

“I‘m going to use your Jeep to do some shopping. Do you want anything special for lunch?”

“Anything but tomatoes. My keys are in my bag in the foyer.”

“Thanks, but I don‘t need keys.”

A half hour later, I pulled my clean hair into a ponytail and dressed in jeans and a black V-neck stretchy T-shirt. Diesel was still out, so I checked in with Morelli.

“How‘s it going?” I asked.

“Would you consider getting married and moving far away from my family? Maybe France or Phoenix?”

“Not working out with your brother?”

“I‘m locking my gun in my car when I get home so I‘m not tempted to shoot him. He‘s an even bigger slob than I am. I‘ve got empty beer cans all over the house, and he‘s only been with me for twenty-four hours. Last night, I took him bowling, and he hit on everything that moved and was remotely female. And by the time we got home, he was crying because he missed his wife. Crying! Then he watched tele vision until three in the morning and charged two porn films on my cable account.”

“You need to talk to him.”

“My brother? Are you kidding?”

“Is his wife showing any signs of reconciliation?”

“Not so far, but my mother said she‘d make me a tray of lasagna and come over to clean my house if I kept him another day.”

“Are you going to keep him?”

“Yeah, he‘s my brother.”

“Call me when he leaves.”

“You‘ll be the first to know.”

The locks tumbled on my front door, and Diesel pushed his way in, arms wrapped around bags of food.

“Food shopping isn‘t my favorite thing,” Diesel said. “I wouldn‘t do it for anyone but you.”

“How do you eat if you don‘t shop?”

“People feed me.” He pulled a couple subs out of a bag and tossed one to me. “Women think I‘m adorable.”

“Adorable?”

“Maybe adorable is a stretch.”

I unwrapped my sub and took a bite. “I have a line on Munch. He‘s looking for barium, and there are only two vendors in the area. Solomon Cuddles and Doc Weiner.”

“What would Munch want with barium?”

“I don‘t know,” I said. “I don‘t know anything about barium.”

“It‘s a heavy metal. Hard to find in pure form because it oxidizes when it‘s exposed to air. That‘s all I remember from Chemistry 101.”

Carl walked into the kitchen and did a gesture that said, What about me?

Diesel handed Carl a bag with apples, oranges, bananas, and grapes. “I got you fruit.”

Carl looked at the fruit and gave Diesel the finger.

“Dude,” Diesel said. “I‘ve spent a lot of time in southeast Asia. Monkeys eat fruit.”

Carl jumped onto the counter and pawed through the remaining food bags. He found a box of cookies and took it back to the couch.

“You‘ll rot your teeth,” I told Carl. “You‘ll get diabetes.”

“Do you know where to find Weiner and Cuddles?” Diesel asked.

“Yes.”

He finished his sub and grabbed a banana. “Let‘s roll.”

“What about Carl?”

Diesel looked in on Carl. “Are you okay here by yourself?”

Carl vigorously nodded his head and gave Diesel a thumbs-up.

WE CHOSE TO watch Doc Weiner because the mall felt unwieldy. Too many people. Too much space, plus I couldn‘t see myself looking for a guy named Cuddles who was walking around dealing heavy chemicals out of a briefcase.

Not that I was excited about staking out Stark Street. It was affectionately known as the combat zone, and it lived up to its name on a daily basis. In order to better fit in with the local atmosphere, Diesel was driving a black Cadillac Escalade with titanium wheel covers, dark tinted windows, and multiple antennae. I didn‘t ask where he got it. We were parked half a block down and across the street from the Sky Social Club, and we looked like your average contract killer/neighborhood drug dealer in our badass gas-guzzler.

“Do you know what Doc Weiner looks like?” Diesel asked.

“No. Does it matter?”

Diesel pushed his seat back and stretched his legs. “Just curious.”

“What do you think goes on inside this social club?” Diesel looked across the street. “Business transactions, card games, prostitution. The usual.”

“Have you ever been in a social club like this?”

Diesel nodded. “They‘re the same the world over. They‘re grungy hangouts for crime families and their retinue of suck-ups and stooges.”

“There are a couple social clubs in the Burg, but most of the men are recovering from hip replacements and are on oxygen.”

“The golden years,” Diesel said.

The Sky Social Club was housed in a narrow three-story building, squished between a butcher shop and a coin-op Laundromat. The front door to the club was wooden and weathered. The windows had blackout shades drawn. Overall, the appearance was grim.

Two young guys went into the club. Minutes later, one came out with a folding chair. He set the chair by the door, lit up, and sat down. An hour later, we were still watching, but nothing was happening. No one was going in, and no one was coming out.

“We don‘t need two people to do this. I should take off and watch the guy at the mall,” I said to Diesel.

“Give me a break. You just want to go shopping.”

I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost went unconscious, and I did a huge snort of indignation. This all in spite of the fact that he was right.

“You are so annoying,” I said.

“I try my best.”

“Tell me again why I need to sit here with you.”

“If I stay here alone and Wulf shows up instead of Munch, he‘ll sniff me out and vanish. And then he might not come back, and we‘ll have lost our lead. The real question is why do I have to sit here with you . I could be taking a nap in your nice, comfy bed right now.”

“Good grief.”

“Don‘t you want to know why I‘m here?” Diesel asked.

“No.”

He grinned at me and tugged at my ponytail. “I‘m here to protect you so you don‘t get hurt in this bad neighborhood.”

I didn‘t know how to react to this. I was sort of offended but at the same time grateful. And deep down inside, I knew it was bullshit. He was here hoping Wulf would show up.