Janet Evanovich: Plum Spooky

“The truth is, they’ve escaped before, and they always come back. They’re really clever when it comes to locks and doors.”

Hal looked relieved to see Gail Scanlon. His term as monkey man was almost up. Diesel, Carl, and I got into the Subaru and headed for the Expressway.

“I’m wet again,” I said to Diesel. “I feel like I’m always wet.”

“I have to say, I’m going to miss sleeping on top of you, but I won’t miss the Barrens.”

“So you’re leaving?”

“I always leave.”

“Do you mind always leaving?”

“Sometimes, but it’s what I do. I’m the job.”

“You’ll drive me home first, won’t you? You won’t just pop out in the middle of the Turnpike?”

“I still have a loose end. Wulf made a deal to get barium, and the barium is supposed to come in to night.”

“Do you think he’ll still want the barium now that we’ve torched his project?”

“Don’t know. Probably Wulf will move on to something new. He gets bored. Even as a kid, he was always restless. Still, I have to see it through.”

I called Morelli when I finally got cell ser vice.

“I have a sort of disaster to report,” I told him.

“I hate when a conversation starts like this.”

“It’s not a big thing. It’s that this mine blew up in the Barrens, and I thought someone should look into it, but I don’t know any of the local cops.”

“I’m assuming it’s best if I don’t involve you?”

“Yeah. You could say it was an anonymous phone call. The thing is, there might have been people in the mine.”

“Oh shit.”

“I’m pretty sure they were bad people.”

“That makes all the difference,” Morelli said.

“Listen, it was an accident. I think Elmer might have farted, and next thing, some boxes were on fire, and then it was one of those chain-reaction things.”

“But you’re okay?”

“Yes. And Diesel and Carl are okay, too. And we rescued Gail Scanlon.”

“Anthony is gone, and I’m going to be lonely to night.”

“I’ll keep that in mind and get back to you.”

Diesel was smiling when I hung up.

“What?” I said.

“You’re gonna get some.”

“And?”

“It would be better if it was me.”

“You’re leaving.”

“I could squeeze you in,” Diesel said.

I burst out laughing. “What’s so awful about that is you’re serious!”

Diesel was laughing, too. “I know. I want you bad.”

We were about to get on the Expressway. We stopped for a light, I looked left and realized Martin Munch was alongside us, at the wheel of a scorched and dented black SUV. There were four other guys in the car with him. They were wearing the khaki uniforms, and they were soot-smudged and their hair looked singed.

“That’s him!” I said. “It’s Munch.”

“Hang tight,” Diesel said.

The light changed, and Diesel got on the gas and rammed Munch, knocking him off the road, onto the shoulder, pinning the black SUV against the guardrail.

Munch looked over at Diesel and me and raced the engine. He threw the SUV into reverse, but the car couldn’t move. Diesel’s door was smashed against the passenger-side door of the SUV. I was out of the Subaru, rounding the nose of the SUV, when Munch abandoned ship. He hit the ground running and didn’t look back.

I ran him down, tackled him, and punched him in the face. Diesel grabbed Munch by the back of his shirt and dragged him to his feet.

“I could have outrun you,” Diesel said to me, “but I didn’t want to ruin your fun. I figured your day wasn’t complete if you didn’t shove some poor slob’s nuts halfway up his throat. As it was, you broke his nose instead. I’m pretty damn impressed.”

“You guys are in big trouble now,” Munch said. “Wulf is going to be really mad. I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t give you that Dragon’s Claw thing.”

“Where were you going?” Diesel asked Munch.

“We weren’t sure. We were just going anywhere. We wanted to make sure we didn’t get the Dragon’s Claw.”

I looked back at the black SUV. It was empty. “What happened to the other guys?”

“Took off like roaches when the lights go on,” Diesel said.

VINNIE WAS SAVED, I thought. I’d captured his big-ticket bond. My only outstanding was Gordo Bollo, and I’d go back to the produce ware house wearing a raincoat tomorrow. I had Munch’s body receipt in my bag, my monkey hanging on to my leg, and in three minutes, I’d be in my apartment and headed for a nice hot shower.

“I could make that shower a lot more fun,” Diesel said, opening the door to my apartment.

“Stop reading my mind.”

He reached around me, flipped the light on, and we stared into the black eyes and eerie pale face of Gerwulf Grimoire. There was a moment where anger flashed white-hot fire in Wulf’s eyes, and then it was gone, the transformation so fast and so complete, I wasn’t sure I’d actually seen the flare of emotion.

“Hello, cousin,” Wulf said, his voice perfectly composed. “Ms. Plum.”

“This is risky,” Diesel said to Wulf. “If I lay my hand on you, you’re mine.”

“Ah, but you won’t. I’ve acquired a new skill, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

“Why are you here?”

“I thought I’d spare you the task of dealing with Solomon Cuddles. I no longer need the barium. And I hated to leave without saying good-bye. Having you following me to the ends of the earth is the only real amusement in my life.”

“Jeez,” Diesel said, “that’s pathetic.”

“Perhaps, but the stakes in this game are high enough to keep it interesting.”

“It’s not a game,” Diesel said.

“It is to me,” Wulf said. “Isn’t it ironic that I was always the serious child, and now you’re burdened with your unpleasant job while I’m free to play.”

“What’s next?” Diesel asked him.

“I have a date with a witch,” Wulf said. “See you in Salem, cousin.”

Wulf did his fire-and-smoke thing, and when the smoke cleared, he was gone.

“Damn,” Diesel said. “I wish I knew how he did that.”

I fanned the smoke away. “My cousin Jessica lives in Salem. Actually, she’s next door in Marblehead. I haven’t seen her in a couple years, not since she moved from Trenton.”

There was a knock at my door, and for a moment, I thought it might be Wulf returning. Diesel opened the door, and Susan Stitch stood there.

“I’ve come back for my baby,” Susan said. “I knew I could count on you to take good care of him. I hope he was a good boy.”

“Yeah, he was an angel,” I said. “No problemo.”

Carl jumped at Susan and wrapped his arms around her neck.

“Kiss, kiss,” Susan said. “Mommy loves Carl!”

Diesel took Carl’s leash off the kitchen counter and gave it to Susan.

“Oh, yum,” Susan said, eyeballing Diesel. “Are there any more of you on the shelf?”

“How was your honeymoon?” I asked Susan.

“Excellent,” she said. “Really excellent.”

I closed the door on Susan and rolled my eyes at Diesel. “Yum?”

“Hey, I’m yum. Deal with it.”

I bent to unlace my wet sneakers. “Can a monkey be, you know, special?”

“Unmentionable?”

“Yeah.”

“Good question,” Diesel said.

I felt his hand on my ass, and I stood and turned to face him, but he was gone.