Carol Ericson - Circumstantial Memories

“I protected you, Julia. People don’t get amnesia just because of a bump on the head. You wanted to forget. I knew that. I spared you memories of a cheating spouse and a man who didn’t want you or your child, and he proved that when he came waltzing back into your life. Why didn’t he admit to being Shelby ’s father? Either he doesn’t want her or he wants her all to himself. Think about it. Ryder McClintock showed up in town only a few weeks after the stalking incidents began. Maybe he’s trying to drive you crazy so he can snatch Shelby away from you.”

“That’s enough.” Ryder thrust his arm out as if to deflect Brody’s words.

“You see, Julia. He’s a violent man, just like your ex-husband. They’re spies for goodness sakes. They live in a violent, turbulent world. You don’t need that. Shelby doesn’t need that.”

Ryder pushed past him and threw open his office door, startling a man reading a magazine. How did Brody know Julia planned to call it quits with him before the session started? He had an agenda from the minute they walked into his office.

Ryder’s trained eye scanned the room. He stood on a table and felt behind the speaker in the corner while Brody’s next patient stared at him with an open mouth.

“What are you doing?” Julia hung back by Brody’s office door while the doctor hovered over her shoulder, his brow wrinkled.

Ryder’s fingers trailed along the top of a picture frame until they stumbled on a device tucked into the corner. He yanked out the mini camera and microphone and held it up.

“Spying on your patients before they even come into your office, Brody? I think that board of yours is going to be very interested in this.” He dangled the camera from his fingertips, swinging it in front of the waiting patient. “Don’t you think?”

The man tossed his magazine on the table and grabbed the doorknob. “What kind of office is this?”

“See ya, doc.” Ryder pocketed the electronic device and followed the man out into the hallway.

Julia clicked the door behind her and leaned against it, closing her eyes.

“Julia, I wanted to tell you, but I wanted you to remember first. Of course I knew Shelby belonged to me the minute I saw her. You and Jeremy didn’t even sleep together at the end of your marriage, and I knew damn well you wouldn’t have gone back to him after I left.”

“ Shelby doesn’t belong to you. She’s mine.” Julia shoved off the doorjamb and marched toward the elevator.

Ryder stared at her stiff back. Great. She misinterpreted his patience as deception. By giving her time to remember their love, he’d driven a huge wedge between them.

“I WANT another riding lesson with Ryder.” Shelby planted her pink sneakers in the carpet and folded her arms.

“Not today, Shelby.” Julia tossed a couple of water bottles in the backpack, followed by two granola bars, a light blanket and her cell phone.

“You promised. Ryder promised.” Shelby thrust out her lower lip and bunched up her arms tighter.

“Promises get broken. People lie.” Julia swung the backpack over her shoulder and stalked to the front door. A small sniffle stopped her dead in her tracks.

She ventured a look over her shoulder just in time to see a big, fat tear wobble on the end of Shelby ’s lashes and her lip tremble.

Julia spun around and dropped to her knees in front of Shelby ’s shuddering frame. Folding her arms around her, she said, “I’m sorry, honey bun. Ryder’s busy with his brother today. You’ll have another riding lesson later this week. Ryder doesn’t break his promises and he doesn’t lie.”

He just withholds information.

Julia wiped the tear from Shelby ’s face and took her hand. “Let’s take our hike to The Twirling Ballerinas. When you have your sleepover at Clem and Millie’s tonight, you can pick out one of the kittens.”

Shelby ’s face brightened as she rubbed the back of her hand across her nose. “I want the black and white one.”

“Okay. Clem will let us know when the kitty is ready to leave its mama.”

Julia’s grip tightened on Shelby ’s hand when they left the house and made their way toward the start of the trail.

“Too tight.” Shelby shook her hand free of Julia’s and skipped ahead.

Julia had to shed the fear that Ryder intended to steal Shelby from her. She knew her overprotection of Shelby bordered on smothering and she didn’t want to be that kind of mother.

She’d grown accustomed to having Shelby all to herself. Her daughter represented her lifeline as she groped in the darkness of her past. She didn’t want to share Shelby and only felt relief when she found out her ex-husband was dead and wouldn’t be calling on her for visitation rights and joint custody.

But Ryder wasn’t Jeremy. Again, once the hypnosis peeled back a corner on her memories, they poured forth in sweet, agonizing detail. She recalled her first meeting with Ryder when Jeremy brought him to their Paris apartment. The problems with Jeremy had already begun, and Julia and Ryder had shared many laughs that weekend that excluded a morose Jeremy. Electricity sizzled between them, the same connection she felt the first time she saw him on Silverhill’s main street.

When she and Jeremy separated, Ryder had kept his distance, but the pull between them was too strong. Her skin tingled even now as she recalled making love with Ryder.

She remembered discovering her pregnancy as if it happened yesterday. She also remembered the uncertainty that plagued her. Wary of large families with pressing expectations, Ryder had told her many times he didn’t want children.

So why did the knowledge of his paternity frighten her now? If he didn’t want kids, why did she fear he’d snatch Shelby away from her?

Maybe her real fear was that he wouldn’t. That he’d have no interest in his daughter at all.

Shaking her head, she hitched the backpack up on her shoulders. She didn’t know what she wanted or what she feared.

“Slow down, Shelby.”

Except Jim Brody. She feared him. After that disastrous session yesterday, Jim had left several messages on her answering machine. She and Ryder had barely spoken on the drive home, and he dropped her off with a world of questions unanswered between them. So when the phone rang after dinner, she left it for the machine to pick up. But instead of Ryder’s voice, Jim’s voice, slurred and alternately pathetic and demanding, spewed out of the answering machine. The background noise indicated he’d placed those calls from a bar. Jim, the former alcoholic, had fallen off the wagon.

The booze had loosened his tongue and his inhibitions. He rambled on about how he loved her and wanted to protect her from her dangerous past and the dangerous men in it. With each message he left, Julia became more and more convinced that he had left the flowers, slashed the tires and bloodied her porch. And the fire at the hotel? He was probably responsible for that, too.

She shivered to think of the number of times she’d been holed up in that office with him alone.

“Wait for me, Shelby.” Shelby had the sure-footedness of a mountain goat, but Julia always liked to keep her in sight on the trail especially on this narrow pathway.

Shelby plopped down on a rock to wait for her before negotiating the only tricky part of the trail. Julia took Shelby ’s arm, pulling her up and in front of her while she gripped her waist. Single file they picked their way along the path that led to a sheer drop to their left for several feet.

A shadow fell across the trail and Julia peered up. A large boulder tumbled from the hillside to their right. She screamed and shoved Shelby forward where the path widened.

The boulder crashed into Julia’s legs, knocking her off her feet. She teetered on the soft shoulder of the path until the gravel gave way beneath her sneakers and she slid off the side of the mountain.