Ian Rankin - Beggars Banquet

‘I was born a criminal.’

‘Isn’t everybody?’ Philip said, deep into his drink.

‘No,’ said Leonard, ‘some people have to learn. Anthony wasn’t a born criminal.’

‘You don’t think so?’

‘He told me so. He ran with his big brother’s gang. He was okay till he started running with them.’

‘His brother Donny?’

‘That’s the one.’

‘You don’t see him in here.’

‘He’s gone away,’ said Thomas. ‘Been away a while.’

‘There’s a lot you don’t see in here any more.’

‘Well, we’re here,’ said Paul, ‘and that’s all that matters.’

‘Aye, we’re always here.’

‘For ever and ever, amen.’

‘Where did you get that money though, Paul?’

Paul winked again. ‘Is it bothering you, Leonard?’

‘Was it the gee-gees?’ Thomas asked. ‘Lottery? Dogs? Pools? I’ll bet it was a betting thing.’

‘You’d lose your money. Now either stop asking, or stop taking drinks off me.’

Thomas laughed. ‘Nobody’d be that daft.’

‘No? What about you, Leonard?’

‘What about me?’

‘Nothing,’ said Paul.

‘No,’ Leonard persisted, ‘what is it? Something’s stuck up your arse and I’d like to know what it is.’

Paul looked amazed. ‘Me? There’s nothing bothering me, pal. What about you, Leonardo?’

‘Here we go again,’ said Philip. ‘Just cool it, compadres.’

‘You’re right, Philip,’ said Paul, ‘as ever. How come you’re always right? You never lose your rag, do you? You’re a calm sort, controlled. Isn’t he, lads?’ Paul tapped his own brow. There was a sheen of sweat on it. ‘But we know there’s a lot going on in that head of his.’

‘It’s the quiet ones you have to watch,’ said Thomas.

‘Thomas, you’ll never say a truer word. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say. Jesus, Philip, are you finished already?’

‘It’s hot,’ Philip said.

‘A furnace.’

‘This thirst,’ Philip added, ‘I can’t seem to shake it.’

‘Christ, Matthew,’ Paul called, ‘do something, will you?’

‘Like what?’

‘Open the fridge door or something. Start putting ice in the drinks. Something.’

‘We’re out of ice.’

‘You’ll be out of a job if we take our custom elsewhere.’

Matthew smiled. ‘You four aren’t going anywhere.’

‘No talking back to the customers, Matthew,’ Paul said, pointing a finger. ‘Leonard, ready for another?’

‘I’ve two in front of me.’

‘Apply yourself to the task. We’ll have the same again, Matthew.’

‘Not for me,’ said Leonard.

‘Play the game, Leonardo. Give him another, Matthew.’ The barman walked back to the optics.

‘You’re wasting your money, Paul.’

‘It’s my money.’

‘You’ll be skint again tomorrow.’

‘Who cares about tomorrow?’

‘Suit yourself.’

‘I always do.’

‘This is very pleasant,’ said Philip.

‘It’s not meant to be pleasant,’ Paul said. ‘It’s a wake, remember?’

‘How can I forget?’

‘Levity ill becomes you, Filipi.’

‘What’s levity?’ Thomas asked.

‘Lightness,’ Leonard explained.

Thomas nodded. ‘Like being light in the head?’

‘Lot of levity about here,’ Paul said, winking.

‘Maybe I’m ill,’ said Philip, loosening his collar. ‘My mouth’s parched all day.’

‘Could be a lot of reasons for that,’ Paul said. ‘Could be nerves.’

‘Nerves?’

‘I saw something yesterday,’ Thomas said, ‘on the telly. It was about these insects that eat each other. Or maybe it was their babies they ate.’

Paul and Philip looked at one another, the way they did when Thomas said this sort of thing.

‘That’s not so rare,’ Leonard told Thomas, his eyes on Paul.

‘You’re a smart one, aren’t you?’ said Paul.

Leonard shook his head, drained one of his vodkas. ‘It’s all relative,’ he said. Then he slipped off his barstool.

‘First one tonight,’ said Paul, smiling. ‘And as usual it’s Leonard. Three shorts he’s put away, but he’s bursting for a piss. You need a bladder transplant, Leonardo.’

Leonard stopped in front of Paul. ‘Maybe it’s just nerves, Paul,’ he said.

Nobody said anything as he left the bar.

The toilet was reeking. There was the constant hiss of a broken ballcock, and names scratched into the paint on the dark red wall. The urinal was a stainless steel trough. It was cooler in here though, damp and cool. Leonard lit a cigarette for himself. He reckoned if it weren’t for the smell, this place would be a preferable alternative to the bar itself. Freezing in winter though. Bloody awful pub altogether, why didn’t they just leave? Well, as somebody had said, where else was there?

The door creaked open and Matthew came in.

‘Matthew.’

‘Leonard.’

The barman went to the urinal and unzipped himself loudly. His stare was high up the wall when he spoke.

‘They’re out for your blood.’

‘What?’

‘Those three. Well, Paul specifically, but he’ll carry the other two. He’s buying, after all.’

‘What have I done?’

‘Come on, Leonard. Paul thinks you shopped Anthony.’

‘Then how come he’s the one with the money?’

‘If it was a cop payoff, he wouldn’t be flashing it about. Get out, right now. Just run for it.’

‘I’ve never run in my life.’

‘It’s up to you.’ Matthew zipped himself up. ‘But if I was in your shoes, I’d be offski.’

‘Where would I go?’

‘I don’t know.’ There was another creak as the door opened. Paul came in first. Philip and Thomas were right behind him. The door closed quietly after them.

‘What’s that you’re saying, Matthew?’

‘Nothing, Paul.’

‘You’re a great one for talking, aren’t you?’

‘No.’

‘A gossip, a right wee sweetie-wife. Talking’s in your blood.’

‘No.’

‘No? This had the look of a snitches’ convention when I walked in. Guilty looks all round.’

Matthew tried shaking his head.

‘Easy to confuse guilt with fear,’ Leonard said quietly.

‘Know where that money came from?’ Paul said. He wasn’t speaking to any one of them in particular. His eyes were on his shoes, examining the toes. ‘I’ll tell you, it came from Anthony.’

‘Anthony?’ Thomas said. ‘Why did he give you that much money? I mean, he’s usually tight… I mean, careful. He’s canny with his money.’ Thomas’s voice died away.

Paul half turned his head and gave Thomas a smile full of sympathy.

‘You aren’t half going on tonight, Thomasino. Not like you at all. It’s not like him at all, is it, Philip?’

Philip was wiping his face with the roller-towel. ‘No, it’s not,’ he said.

‘He’s usually quiet, isn’t he?’

‘Quiet as the grave,’ Philip agreed.

‘And even someone as thick as you sometimes appear to be, Thomas, has got to have an inkling why Anthony would give me a load of cash.’ He paused. ‘Don’t you want to know, Philip?’

Philip shrugged. ‘You’ll tell us when you’re ready.’

Paul was smiling. ‘You never change, Philip. Always the same face, the same voice. Nothing out of place. I bet you could do away with your granny and we’d never know about it, not by looking at you.’ He paused again. ‘Except tonight you’re sweating. Why is that?’

‘I think I’m coming down with something.’

‘Well, we’ll see to it you get a doctor when this is over.’ Matthew started to open the door. ‘ Shut it! ’ Paul smiled. ‘Don’t want to let the heat in, do we?’ He turned to Leonard. ‘Anthony gave me the money because he wants someone taken care of. Someone in particular. He told me once I was sure in my mind, I was to start earning the cash. That’s what Anthony told me.’