Todd Strasser - Blood on my hands

BHow would he get the knife?

JI gave it to him.

BWhy would he agree to take it and scare her?

JI was having sex with him. And I got my mother to help make sure he received a medical deferment so that he wouldn’t be sent overseas with his National Guard unit.

MWas your mother aware of why you wanted her help?

JOh God, no. I just told her that he was a friend of mine and that he was really scared that the selective service board would deny his disability claim. She said she’d look into it. I don’t even know if she actually did more than that. He had a trick knee and might not have been allowed to go anyway.

BBut he received the deferment?

JYes.

MSo you’re saying that he felt he owed you a favor?

JYes.

BWhy did you want to scare Katherine?

JBecause I hated her. She was an awful person and liked to scare people and do other mean things to them. I wanted her to have a taste of her own medicine.

BWhy did you hate her?

JBecause I… I also loved her.

BSorry?

JI didn’t want to love her. She wanted me to be like her and I didn’t want to.

MWhen you say “be like her,” what do you mean?

JBe gay. She wanted me to be a lesbian, like her.

BSo you wanted Slade Lamont to scare her?

JThat’s what I told him I wanted him to do. But I was really hoping he’d kill her.

BWhy?

JBecause I hoped that if he killed her, it would all go away.

BWhat would go away?

JThe feelings. I mean, about loving her. About being a lesbian.

MWhat made you think that Slade Lamont would kill Katherine?

JNothing. I just hoped he would. Or at least hurt her really badly. I knew she would recognize him through the stocking. And I knew Katherine would laugh at him and taunt him, because that’s the kind of person she was.

BAnd you thought laughing and taunting would be enough to make him want to kill her?

JHe was really depressed and angry and drinking a lot. It was all because this girl, Callie Carson, had broken up with him. But what he didn’t know was that the reason she broke up with him was because Katherine had sort of forced her to do it. And I knew that given the chance, Katherine would tell him, because she loved to gloat over things like that.

MWhy would Katherine force Callie Carson to break up with Slade?

JBecause she had a crush on Callie. Callie was the most hetero girl ever. And she’d had the same boyfriend longer than any other girl in our grade. And Katherine felt it would be the most amazing challenge just to get Callie to try a girl. And in her mind the first step was to get her to break up with her boyfriend.

BDidn’t you say before that you were having sex with Slade Lamont?

JUh-huh.

BWhy?

JBecause I wanted to. I was attracted to him and there weren’t that many boys I felt that way about. Plus, I told myself that as long as I was having sex with him, I couldn’t be gay.

MAnd since Katherine had already gotten Callie to break up with him…

JI’d tried once before when he was with Callie, but he wouldn’t do it. But as soon as I heard that Callie had broken up with him, I started to talk to him by e-mail and online, because he was still in Georgia. He kept saying that as soon as he got home from National Guard training, he was going to go see her, so finally I told him that she’d left him for another guy. That’s how I got him to change his mind.

BJust to be clear, did you ever tell Slade Lamont you wanted him to kill or hurt Katherine?

JNo, because I knew he’d never agree to that.

MDid Slade Lamont ever give you any impression that he wanted to do more than just scare Katherine?

JNo. He didn’t even want to do that, but I told him that if he didn’t, I would get my mother to rescind the deferment. Of course, I couldn’t have really done that but he didn’t know. He believed me.

BSo from your point of view, was anything about Katherine Remington-Day’s death planned or premeditated?

JNo, nothing.

MAnd as far as Slade Lamont’s participation, do you believe anything was planned or premeditated?

JLike I said, I don’t think so. I think you can rake up a pile of dry leaves and throw a lit match on them and sometimes they’ll catch fire and sometimes they won’t.

MWhat about Callie Carson?

BSorry? Oh, right. Miss Jenkins, you tried to put the blame for the murder on her.

JI felt I had to shield Slade. If the police found out about him, he’d tell them about me.

MThere are a few other people we’d like to ask you about.

JOkay.

MDid Mia Flom or Griffen Clemment have anything to do with your plan?

JNo.

BDid they know about it?

JNo.

MWhat about Jerry Fairman?

JI thought you already talked to him.

MWe want to corroborate his story. He says he knew nothing about your plans.

JThat’s true. When Callie’s texts came from a blocked number, I had a feeling he was involved because I’d once gotten him to help me do that.

BThe texts you sent to Griffen Clemment?

JYes. Everyone knows he can do things like that. So I called the anonymous tip line and said he might be involved.

BAll right, Miss Jenkins, I just want you to know that I really appreciate this and I just have a few more questions. Would you please state for the record how this interview came to take place?

JAfter Katherine was killed, I knew I was at least partly to blame, or maybe worse. I felt like I couldn’t live with myself… with the idea that I was partly responsible. And that because of me, Callie Carson might go to jail. Yesterday it just got to be too much for me and I took a bunch of pills. Like, everything I could find in the medicine cabinet. But after I took them, I realized I’d made a mistake and I called 911. They brought me here and pumped my stomach and then someone came in… I think she said she was the staff psychiatrist or something, and she asked me why I’d wanted to kill myself and it all just came out. And she pretty much said I had to tell the police what I’d told her.

MAnd since you’re eighteen, you’re not a minor and don’t need your parents’ approval to give this confession. But I’m curious why you haven’t consulted them.

JThey were here last night and again today, but I know what they’d want to do if I told them the truth about what happened. They’d want to hire a lawyer and try to get me off without being punished. And they probably have enough money and connections to do it, too. But that’s not what I want.

MWhat do you want?

JI… I need to take responsibility for what I did. Otherwise I don’t think I can live with myself.

BWell, like I said, we appreciate that and what you’ve told us. Now, is there anything else you want to tell us that we haven’t asked about?