David Baldacci - Fries Alive

“Where’s Theodore?” asked a frantic Freddy.

Curly pointed down the center path. “Hewentthataway.”

Freddy paled. “But that leads to downtown Pookesville!”

“Oh boy!” exclaimed Howie. “That isn’t good.”

“All of you just stay here,” yelled Freddy, and he ran as fast as he could toward downtown Pookesville.

Theodore had walked until he reached the downtown area of Pookesville. Keeping out of sight as Freddy had instructed, he arrived in the very center of town. Here there was a park with a brick courtyard, a few bushes and trees, and a statue of Captain Peter Pookes. The captain was a Civil War veteran who had founded the town when he got lost from his regiment, wandered around, built a shack, and then refused to leave, as founders of towns often do. There were about four hundred pigeons currently sitting on his statue. Pigeons loved Captain Pookes.

Two very old men were sitting on a park bench playing chess next to Captain Pookes. Theodore loved chess, and forgetting Freddy’s warning to remain hidden, he walked over. Theodore stared over the old men’s stooped shoulders and quickly sized up the match.

He said, “Let me see, rook to F-five would be the most advantageous, I believe.”

Neither of the old men even bothered to look up. One of them grumbled, “There’s a chess master in every crowd.” Both men cackled. But Theodore did note that the old guy playing with the black pieces made that very move.

The old guy playing with the white pieces laughed and said, “That’ll cost you, Jasper. You made a big blunder there, you old coot.” He moved his white bishop forward.

“All right, Jasper,” said Theodore, studying the board, “Now, knight to D-three, and we have discovered check.”

“Heh-heh, Charlie,” said Jasper, “Looks like I’m gonna kick your skinny little hiney-butt this time.”

“This can’t be!” cried out Charlie as he stared at the board. Neither of them had even looked at Theodore. “There’s gotta be a way out.”

“Unfortunately, there isn’t,” said Theodore. “I would surrender with all due haste and humility.”

Charlie kept staring at the board, looking for an escape. Finally, realizing the situation was hopeless, he slowly laid down his king in a show of defeat.

“Yee-ha!” shouted Jasper. “Checkmate, you old coot, you. First time in thirty years. All right, pay up, fifty cents, right in my hot little hand.”

Charlie pulled out the coins and gave them to Jasper. “Okay, but next time, put him in check, all right?” Charlie looked up at Theodore and froze. “ALIEN!” he screamed.

Theodore looked around with alarm. “Alien? Where?”

“There!” Charlie said, pointing right at him. Jasper looked at Theodore and started yelling too. “Help! Police!”

“Help! Police!” cried Theodore. “Aliens, there are aliens!”

Charlie and Jasper got up and ran – rather, they hobbled briskly – with their canes down the sidewalk, away from Theodore.

People were hustling out of their stores and houses to see what the fuss was. The minister came tearing out of the church.

“What’s going on?” he yelled. “We’re trying to have a wedding rehearsal.”

Theodore came running up behind him. “Aliens. It’s aliens! Get the police.”

“Aliens?” said the minister skeptically. “Where?” He turned and saw Theodore.

“AAAAHHHH!” screamed the minister.

“Do you see them?” Theodore asked urgently.

The minister backed up, pointing at Theodore and trying to say something, but he couldn’t quite get it out. By now everyone in town was pouring into the streets. When they spotted Theodore they all started shouting, and picking up things to throw at him.

It finally dawned on the blue Fry. “They think I’m the alien. Quite ridiculous.” He faced the growing crowd. “Listen, all of you, I’m not an alien.”

They stared at back at him, unconvinced.

“Now I know that I look different than all of you, but I’m also quite intelligent, kind, and well-mannered. I’m sure that we’ll all get along wonderfully.”

There was silence and then a man shouted, “I say we squash the big blue thing!”

“YEAH! SQUASH HIM!” yelled the crowd in unison.

“Oh dear,” said Theodore. “I do believe they intend me harm.” He took a step back, and then another and another. “You know, you really should treat visitors to your town with a little more courtesy.” When the crowd started coming at him carrying big sticks, he used his enormous brain to come up with a stellar plan.

He turned and ran as fast as he could.

“Alien!” screamed the crowd as they ran after him.

“Barbarians!” yelled a terrified Theodore.

He increased his pace, turned a corner, and ducked down another street.

“Theodore!”

Theodore looked ahead of him.

It was Freddy. He was standing at the end of the street and waving at him. “This way, quick!”

Theodore shot ahead, joined Freddy, and they turned the corner and ran hard.

“How are we going to get away?”

“Just follow me; I’ll think of something.” Freddy ducked down another street and Theodore followed.

As he was running down the street, Freddy eyed a store with an awning out front. Behind the store was a railroad track down which a train was slowly moving. “All right – angle of trajectory, speed of us, speed of train, mass times energy, gravitational factors, friction pattern, wind velocity and direction,” Freddy said to himself. “Theodore, listen carefully, here’s the plan.” Freddy told him his idea. “Your timing has to be perfect.”

“As a genius I will accept nothing less of myself. But you’re sure I can do it?”

“I built your legs with a core of coiled aluminum. It’s the same material that lets Curly rise up in the air.”

A minute later the crowd turned the corner and saw Theodore. The same man yelled, “Squash him!”

“I bet he was a nasty little child, too,” said Theodore. What the crowd couldn’t see was that Freddy was curled up in a little ball against Theodore’s chest, holding tightly onto the blue Fry.

“YEEEEE-HAAAAAA!” yelled Theodore as he leaped high up into the air, hit the awning, bounced on it like a trampoline, shot to the sky, stretched as far as he could, and snagged the last car on the train with the tip of his left pinky. He pulled himself up onto the train while Freddy ducked down so the crowd couldn’t see him. Theodore adjusted his glasses and tidied his bowtie. He looked down at the crowd.

“Well,” he called out, “what did you expect from a genius? Hasta la vista, baby!”

The man in the crowd who had wanted to squash Theodore looked at the person next to him. “Hey, he’s pretty smart for a big blue thing.”

“Yeee-haaa?” said Freddy as the train rolled away from Pookesville.

Theodore looked embarrassed. “Despite my scholarly demeanor, I’ve always harbored a secret ambition to be a cowboy.”

Freddy lay down on top of the train and closed his eyes. “A blue cowboy.”

“What did you say, Freddy?”

“Oh, nothing.”

The train rolled on.

Freddy and Theodore hooked up with all the others and headed back to Freddy’s laboratory to hide after Freddy convinced them it would be safe. The Fries had told him about his sister discovering them. “I’ll take care of that,” he said.