K'wan - Gutter

IT TOOKmore than an hour, but Sharell had finally managed to fight through the traffic and make it to Harlem. Though she was officially off, she still found herself at her place of employment, St. Luke’s Hospital. She could’ve waited until she came back to pick up her check, but it allowed her time out of the house, which is what she needed since Gutter had her feeling like a sardine trapped in the house.

Instead of going directly to her station she decided to cut through the emergency room so she could holler at her girl, Rhonda, who worked as a triage nurse. When she passed through the automatic doors her senses were overwhelmed with the bullshit that was the emergency room.

As usual it was overcrowded with people in need of medical attention. In the far corner, an addict rocked back and forth, sweating like a runaway slave, waiting to see if there was an available bed in their detox wing. Another man was hunched over near the pay phone, nursing his hand, which was wrapped in bandages that were splotched with blood. A girl who didn’t appear to be more than seventeen or so cradled a newborn in her arms, while two more kids who couldn’t have been more than a year apart tore through the emergency room as if it was their own personal backyard.

“Welcome to the jungle,” Sharell mumbled, as she stepped over a bum who was either passed out or sleeping, and made her way to the triage window. A woman, whose profile was familiar to her, sat at the window exchanging words with Rhonda. Though it had been a while, she’d know Tameeka anywhere.

“Look, I’ve been sitting here for two hours and my son still hasn’t been seen, this is unacceptable,” Tameeka was saying.

“And like I’ve been telling you for the last ten minutes, we’re overcrowded and understaffed today. We’re seeing the priority patients first,” Rhonda replied.

“And my child ain’t a priority? My boy has been throwing up all morning, and he’s running a fever!”

“Look, we’ve got people in here suffering from everything from gunshots to the shakes, your son’s flu symptoms aren’t a priority right now.” Rhonda was still being polite, but Sharell could tell she was losing her patience with Tameeka so she decided to step in.

“What’s up, Tameeka?” Sharell said, moving to stand over her. Tameeka’s eyes flashed surprise then embarrassment before she uttered a weak, “Hey.”

Until about a year or so ago, she, Lauren, and Sharell had been like the three amigos, but when she got serious with Gutter all that changed. Lauren, though she never really cared for Gutter and still didn’t, held her down when people tried to crucify her for her choice of a life mate, but Tameeka fell in line with the Joneses. The few times they had spoken on the phone Tameeka always had an excuse about how busy she was, but Sharell knew it was just so she didn’t have to state the obvious-she was afraid. Everybody knew who her man was and what he represented, but they also knew that her love for him was unwavering.

“Sup, mommy.” Sharell tapped on the window Rhonda was sitting behind, and gave her a warm smile.

“Chilling, preg-o,” Rhonda teased. “I’m just trying to get through the day without having to get fired.” She cut her eyes at Tameeka when she said this.

“Take it light, Rhonda, you only got a few hours left until your shift is over. Breathe, girl,” Sharell told Rhonda, but placed a hand on Tameeka’s chair.

“No doubt.” Rhonda nodded in understanding. Reluctantly she turned back to Tameeka and said, “Give me a minute and I’ll see if I can get somebody to see your son.”

“Well, I just came to pick up my check and skate, call me later though,” Sharell said to Rhonda before heading deeper into the hospital. She was about to go through the double doors in the back when Tameeka stopped her.

“Hold on, Sharell,” she said, catching up. “Thanks for looking out.”

“It was nothing, you know how I do it,” Sharell reminded her. “So what’s up, how’s everything with you?”

Tameeka shrugged. “I’m just trying to make it like everybody else. But listen, can I talk to you for a minute, in private?”

“Sure.” Sharell took her by the hand and led her outside the emergency room. “What’s up, Meeka?”

Tameeka took a minute to examine her shoes. “Listen, I know I haven’t been the best friend over the last few months, but you know that hasn’t changed how I feel about you, right?”

“That’s what I like to think,” Sharell said. There was another short silence.

“You know, for a long time I didn’t see what it was about Gutter that made you stay with him. I mean, he’s thugged out and you’re sweet. If anything I always figured you’d end up with a doctor or some square dude.”

“We ain’t got a whole lot of control over our hearts, Tameeka,” Sharell told her.

“Don’t I know it.” Her eyes said something. “I didn’t understand it until life threw me a curveball and I ended up in a similar situation.” Tameeka paused as if she wasn’t sure of how much she wanted to share with Sharell.

“You wanna talk about it?” Sharell asked, sensing her uneasiness.

“Not much to tell, really. My heart belongs to a nigga who refuses to do right. If it ain’t the beef, it’s the bitches and I’m starting to feel like I can’t get a word in edgewise.”

“That’s a hard pill to swallow, baby girl.”

“Yet I do,” she said in a shameful tone. “Don’t get me wrong, my man takes care of me and my son. We ain’t rich, but we don’t want for nothing. But this lifestyle”-she paused-“it’s just hard to deal with. I call myself doing him a favor and went and picked up some work from uptown and end up getting stopped in the cab. I had to call my mother to pick my son up from school, because my ass was down at the precinct.”

“Jesus, girl, is everything all right?” Sharell asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, I’m still going back and forth to court over this shit though. Sharell, in my whole life I’ve never been one to be twisted up with the police, but it seems like lately they’re always over my shoulder.” She looked around as if they were being watched. “How do you cope with this shit?”

Sharell thought for a minute before answering. “Honestly, if Jesus wasn’t my backbone I’d have probably snapped a long time ago. I can’t speak on your situation because it’s not my situation, but Gutter draws a very clear line between his street antics and the life we’re trying to build. It ain’t no secret that Gutter is a criminal, anybody who watches the news knows that, but the streets have no place in our home. I’m not gonna go as far as to say that it’s impossible for me to get caught up, but Gutter goes the extra mile to try and ensure that I never find myself in that position.”

“I feel you, but do you ever feel like it’d be easier for you to just cut your losses?” Tameeka asked.

“All the time,” Sharell confessed. “But you know what, I knew what he was into before I committed to him, and I still fell in love with his ol thug ass.” She rubbed her hand over her belly. “My guy goes the extra mile for me, so it’s only right that I hold him down through thick and thin. The question you need to ask yourself is, how far is your man willing to go for you? Once you know the answer to that then you’ll know where you stand.”

“That’s deep.” Tameeka nodded.

“That’s real. Meeka, I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but always make sure you put you and your son first.”

Before the conversation could go any further there was a loud popping in the distance. It sounded like a firecracker at first, but when several more pops followed everybody knew them to be gunshots. Sharell hurried back inside the emergency room with Tameeka on her heels, and almost got knocked over as security came rushing out.