Leonardo Padura - Havana Fever

“That same old tune. What the hell’s the connection between Violeta del Río and all this?”

“I don’t know, but hunches are like that sometimes you can’t make head nor tail of them, but when you try to dig deeper, all hell breaks loose.”

“I told you you were crazy, man, didn’t I?”

“You tell me three times a day,” the Count calculated and pointed to a stall selling coffee. “Are you going to help me find out who killed Dionisio, and get to the bottom of what was in that library that we didn’t see?”

Yoyi ordered two coffees and stared at the Count, feverishly stroking the bony protuberance on his chest.

“You mean we can play cops and robbers?”

“Stop pissing around, Yoyi. You’re a fucking idiot sometimes. Don’t you get it? You and I have been let out but there’s still a guilty party out there. Don’t you realize the bit of paper with your telephone number puts you in danger?”

“But I didn’t do anything. Do I have to swear that to you?”

“Don’t fucking swear anything: start helping me. You’re going to find out where the tall black guy interested in buying books came from and I’m going to see Silvano. Isn’t your talent getting good deals? Well, the best deal now is to play to our strengths, because we know things they don’t. We two are going to find out what went on last night at the Ferreros’ place. Fucking hell, this coffee tastes of shit…”

24 December

My love:

What else can I wish you, on such a day as this, than for you to be as happy as can be, and to enjoy being with your children, wherever you now live. What else could I desire (it is what I long for most) than for you to share that happiness with me, with all your children, unburdened by secrets that now weigh far too heavily, and with eyes on the future, that no longer stare into the past.

The Christmas and New Year holidays always make me more vulnerable, and this year I’ve felt more fragile than ever. Some thing strange is happening, I don’t know if it is the time of year or a backlog of sorrow, but at night I hear voices that speak of guilt, sin, betrayal, sometimes so vividly that I am forced to switch on my reading lamp and look around me but then I only find the same loneliness.

I think all this began to stir after the visit from that persistent policeman, just over a week ago, do you remember? the one leading the investigation. The damned fellow came to see me to tell me exactly what you think: he is convinced something happened that he cannot get to the bottom of, but he is prepared to swear that she didn’t commit suicide, even when he hasn’t the slightest proof to back his idea. After saying that, he explained that in fact he had come to tell me the case was going to be closed on orders from his superiors, or, in other words, the investigation will not continue, in spite of his doubts. Nonetheless, while he was drinking his cup of coffee, he asked me ever so many questions, almost all the ones he’d asked before, about that woman’s friendships, possible enemies, unfinished business, drug addiction and, naturally, possible suicide motives. I told him yet again what I know, as sincerely as I knew how but not mentioning other matters I still think are unrelated to her death: you know what I’m referring to.

But that man’s suspicions, your doubts and the voices that speak of guilt, are undermining my convictions. Although there is something I am totally clear about (my innocence and, I hardly need to say this, yours as well), I have begun to think about what happened over that period of days, looking for a black spot, a detail that does not fit the usual patterns, to try to find, if one existed, an indication that her death might have been provoked by an individual who desired it.

I have thought, naturally, that someone like her, in spite of the unhappy past as an orphan girl she told you about, as a decent girl desperate to sing and be successful, must have left behind her enemies and hatred. So, the change you brought into her life might have sparked resentment in somebody determined to make her pay for a happiness she thought was undeserved.

What is terrible, given everything you and I know, is how the portrait of this individual keeps evoking my own face. The knowledge I am innocent allows me dismiss that false image, but does not help me find another, if one exists. Could one of her girlfriends have been the guilty one? Perhaps that good-for-nothing who used to visit her and even accompany her on her trips to spoil herself with your money, who even dared to pass herself off as a respectable lady when everyone knew what she did in life… But why should she want to? Was she really her friend? Could envy at your lover’s good fortune be sufficient to push her into preparing that road to death? She had opportunities enough: she went in and out of that woman’s house whenever she wanted, even used to spend afternoons at the flat with your friend Louis. But I don’t think envy is motive enough, because if you work through it in logical fashion, by killing her, she would have killed the goose laying the golden eggs, since when that woman became your wife, as you had decided, the other ne’er-do-well could continue to profit from her old friendship, thanks to which she’d succeed in gaining God knows what benefits, apart from the ones she already enjoyed because you were grateful to her for introducing you to that woman in the first place.

28 December

My love:

The voices pursue me, obsessed as I am by finding out. I put this letter to one side a few days ago because a frightful headache prevented me from writing. Today, I feel calmer and I will try to finish it, but only to say that a voice woke me up last night and told me it’s my fault because I don’t know what I ought to, what I would never wish to have known. What was it referring to? I don’t know, but I swear to you that, with or without those voices, with or without your agreement, I will continue to search for my only solution: the truth. Although it may be the most terrible of truths.

I hope you enjoy a lovely end to the year. We’ve experienced twelve wretched months, with all manner of misfortune, exacerbated by your being so far away for more than three months now. I hope these festivities and holy celebrations bring a little peace to your soul and that you have a happy respite. In my solitude, I console myself as ever with the idea that we will soon be into another year, and that it will be a year to favour us all.

I really hope you are very happy, as happy as one can be, because I love you…

Your Nena

One of the blessings Mario Conde never ceased to be thankful for was the fact he had three or four good friends. The almost fifty years spent in this world had taught him, sometimes perversely, that few states are as fragile as the state of friendship, and hence he fiercely protected his many layered camaraderie with Skinny Carlos, Candito and Rabbit, because he considered it to be one of his most precious gifts from life. Several years earlier, Andrés’s departure to the United States had provoked a sense of desertion among the remaining friends, but, at the same time, it had had the beneficial secondary effect of bringing them closer together, welding their connections, making them more tolerant of each other and transforming them into life members of the party of eternal friendship.

The permanent threat represented by Carlos’s physical deterioration meant the Count never failed to safeguard the time he spent near his old friend, dedicating all the hours he could to him, aware it was the best way to act in preparation for a future emptiness, the arrival of which drew nearer by the day.