Iris Johansen: The Treasure

She slammed the door behind her. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

He leaned back in the chair. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I tried to speak to you twice at supper tonight and you acted as if you scarce knew me.”

He looked away from her. “Does Ware know you’re here at this time of night?”

“No one knows. But what if he did? No one would believe anything amiss. Not of you.”

He stood up. “I’ll take you back to the castle.”

“No.” She moistened her lips. “Not yet. I have something to say to you.”

“You can tell me tomorrow. I’ll come back to the castle before the noon hour and you can-”

“No.” She shook her head. “Why are you being like this? We both know that I’m not like those other women in this land. I care nothing for what these Scots deem proper. Do you think I don’t know that they’d shun me like a leper if they knew about the House of Nicholas? The lords and ladies in their great castles treat me with kindness only because Ware is a warrior and a strong ally.”

“Not entirely.” He smiled teasingly. “I’ve heard them say you have bonny bright hair and a sweet smile.”

A little of the tension seemed to be leaving him, and she must take advantage of any weakness. “I need to talk to you.” She moved forward until she stood before him. “You’ve never refused me before.”

His smile disappeared. “There’s always a first time.”

“Well, you can’t start now. I won’t have it.” Her hands clenched nervously. “This is too important.”

“That’s why I have to refuse you.”

“It makes no sense.”

“Go back to the castle, Selene.”

She laid her head on his chest. “Don’t do this.”

His muscles became rigid.

“This is so hard for me,” she whispered. “You’ve got to let me tell you.”

“Oh, God.”

His heart was pounding hard beneath her ear. “You want me to trust you? I’ll try. No, I do trust you.” She rubbed her face against his chest, struggling to get the next words out. “I… care for you, Kadar. I’ve always cared for you. I think I always will.”

“Not now, Selene,” he said hoarsely.

“It has to be now. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage again.” She was shaking, she realized. “When I was a little girl, everyone always left me-Mama, Thea-and I saw how men always left Nicholas’s women after… It… frightened me.”

“I know.”

“It was safer to be alone or not to expect anything.”

“Selene, you have to leave.” He stood rigid, not touching her. “Now.”

“And then you came. You became… my friend. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t seem to-It frightened me more than anything else. Because I didn’t know how I could stand it if you went away too. And the years passed and I-”

“Come on.” He grabbed her wrist and dragged her toward the door.

“No, I don’t want-”

He was ignoring her. He pulled her along the deck, past a bewildered Patrick, and down the gangplank.

“Kadar, stop. You’ve got to listen to-”

“I’ve heard enough. Too much.”

He was pulling her up the hill leading to the castle. She stumbled on a thick thatch of heather. “Let go of me.”

“When I can turn you over to Ware.”

“I won’t be turned over to anyone.” It was all for nothing, she realized in despair. She had let down the barriers, sacrificed her pride and independence, and it meant nothing to him. She doubted if he’d even heard her words. She struggled to free herself. “Let go of my arm. You needn’t worry. I’ll go back to the castle. I don’t want to stay with you now.”

He stopped on the path and turned to face her. “I have to-Oh, for God’s sake, don’t weep.”

“I’m not weeping. I would never cry for a selfish, stupid clod of a man who cannot-”

“Selene…” He pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth. “Please… I cannot bear this. You tear me apart.”

Oh, God, she loved to be close to him like this. No, not like this. She put her palms on his chest and tried to shove him away. “Don’t you dare pity me.”

“Pity?” He smiled. “I wouldn’t dare. It’s myself I pity.” His hand gently stroked the hair at her temple. “I’ve been doing my best to-It’s the wrong time, Selene.”

“Right time. Wrong time. You have no right to decide what’s the wrong time for me.”

“No one else has a better right. You belong to me. You always have.”

“I belong to no one but myself.”

“Then will you let me belong to you?” He smiled. “I’ll be very fine property, meek, obliging, always ready to-”

“Stop it.” She could barely see him through the tears. “Just let me go.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late. I don’t think I can.” He pushed the cloak from her shoulders. “I want it too much. Lord, I want it.”

“Want what?” Then she realized what he meant, and she went still. “You wish to couple with me?”

He bent forward and his tongue touched her lips. “Tell me no. It will be hard, but I can stop if you tell me no.”

Her lips tingled beneath his tongue, and she could feel the heat of his body reach out to her. Panic tore through her. Tell him no. She had always revealed too much of herself to him. The yielding of her body was another surrender.

Trust him. He’s different. He won’t leave you.

But what if he did?

She stepped back away from him.

He went still. “No?” His breath expelled. “Very well, if you-”

“Hush.” All the years, all the bright ribbons of togetherness could not be denied. She closed her eyes, reached down, and pulled her gown over her head. “At the House of Nicholas the women came naked to the men they had to pleasure. Is that what you want?”

She heard the sharp intake of his breath. “Yes, that’s what I want.”

She opened her eyes to see his gaze on her body. “I don’t know-I have strong feelings, but I’m not sure… I watched the women couple with the customers at the House of Silk and it seemed… You will not hurt me?”

“Hurt you? God, you’re still not ready. I should wait until-” He took a step closer, his teeth clenched. “But I can’t. May God forgive me, I have to have this.”

He put his hand on her breast.

She arched upward as a wave of heat shot through her. She lost her breath. “That’s how it starts?”

“Sometimes.” He pulled her down on the ground. “It changes.” He was rapidly discarding his clothing as his lips closed on her nipple. “But it’s always good.” His tongue teased while he sucked strongly.

Good? She didn’t feel good. She was hot and tingling and filled with a strange, frantic need. She couldn’t get close enough to him. She could smell the crushed heather beneath her and the scent of Kadar over her. Familiar, so familiar. Nothing to fear. Kadar wouldn’t hurt her.

He did hurt her. But it was only for a moment and then he was deep inside her. He paused, his chest rising and falling, looking down at her. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to be here, like this?” He flexed slowly and she caught her breath. “You’re so tight. I’ll try to go easy.” His features were taut with strain as his hips began to move carefully. “Just don’t move.”

She had to move. She was too full, stretched, and yet she needed more. She lunged upward.

He gasped, his hands grasping her shoulders. “No.”

“I need-”

“Don’t move.”

She paid no attention. Her hips moved to take what she needed.

His teeth bit into his lower lip. “All right. Have it your way. I should have known it would be like this.” He plunged deep. He drew back. Plunged again. Fast. Hard. Harder.