Iris Johansen - The Treasure

“No, you don’t.”

No, she didn’t. She wished she could hate him, but the bond of years was too strong. Her eyes were glittering with tears as she looked at him over her shoulder. “Wait and see. I’ll learn to hate you.”

He smiled sadly. “But that would break my heart.”

“Nothing could break your heart.”

“You could. That’s why I have to have patience.”

“May heaven curse your patience.”

“Actually, heaven applauds it. It’s not often a sinner embraces such a virtue.”

“It makes no sense. Why?”

“Trust. You don’t trust me. I find I have a great hunger for your trust.”

“I do trust you.”

He shook his head. “You don’t trust anyone. Except perhaps Thea. You make a pretense of trust to the rest of us.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m right. You learned hard lessons in the House of Nicholas. One of them was lack of trust.” He smiled and said gently, “But I deserve your trust. I’ve devoted a number of agonizing years to earning it. After the life I’ve lived, it stuns me that I would care this much about your complete faith in me. But I want every part of you, Selene. I won’t accept less.”

She glared at him. “And I’m supposed to wait until you decide I deserve you?”

“You’re supposed to let time teach you what a fine bedrock of a man I am.” His voice lowered to silky menace. “But I’ll tell you what you’re not to do. You’re not to smile at any of those poor lads inside. It annoys me exceedingly. And if you let one of them touch you again, I won’t be as lenient as I was to Lord Douglas.”

“You’ll not give me orders. I’ll do what I wish.” She whirled and ran up the steps and into the hall.

She stopped behind a pillar as waves of pain washed over her. Damn him. She had tried so hard and it had all come to nothing. Why wouldn’t he-

“Selene?” Thea was beside her. “Are you well?”

No, she wasn’t well. She was angry and frustrated and felt as if everything inside her was hurting. She tried to smile. “Of course I’m well. Why would you think otherwise?”

“It could be the tears that are running down your cheeks,” Thea said dryly.

“Nonsense. I never cry.” But she was weeping now, she realized. That stubborn idiot had done this to her. “I must have something in my eye.”

Thea nodded. “Well, come to my chamber and I’ll help you get it out.” She pushed Selene gently toward the stone stairs leading to the bedchambers. “You can’t go back into the feast like this.”

She didn’t want to face anyone. She wanted to go to bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget Kadar and his stupid idiocies. But that would be a victory for Kadar. She’d do exactly what he had ordered her not to do. She’d go with Thea and wash her eyes and pinch her cheeks rosy and then come down and let Kadar know she cared nothing for what he said.

Well, perhaps she would not speak sweetly to any of the men in the hall. There was no point in it, and it wasn’t fair to them now that Kadar had issued a warning. But she would dance and laugh and let him see she didn’t care a whit for his-sweet Mary, why couldn’t she stop hurting?

Thea opened her door. “Sit down on the stool.” She went to the bowl on the washstand and dampened a cloth. “This shouldn’t take long. Which eye is it?”

Selene dropped down on the stool. “We both know I have nothing in my eye.”

“I wasn’t sure you were ready to admit it yet.” Thea moved the damp cloth gently over Selene’s cheeks. “You shouldn’t blame Kadar. You made him very angry.”

“No, I must never blame Kadar,” she said bitterly. “Kadar is perfect in your eyes. I’m the one who causes you disturbance.”

“Kadar isn’t perfect, but I’d trust him with everything I own.”

Trust again. “Then you trust a fool. He won’t take what’s offered him and yet he expects me to wait while he samples every wench in Scotland.”

Thea chuckled. “Perhaps not every wench. He does spend a good deal of time at sea.”

“Probably to get away from me.”

“It’s a possibility. I must ask him if he’s using our silk trade as an excuse. It seems a good deal of trouble for him to undertake to avoid one young girl. Though it’s true you can be a great deal of bother on occasion.”

“You’re laughing at me.”

Thea caressed her cheek. “Never.”

“It hurts, Thea.” She leaned her head on her sister’s breast. “I never wanted this. I used to think you and Ware were foolish, you know. It seemed very dangerous to care so deeply about someone.

What if they left you or what if they died, like Mama died?”

“It’s always dangerous to care. One must just have faith.”

Faith, trust. Why did everyone throw those words at her?

“Kadar says I have no trust. Isn’t that stupid?”

Thea was silent.

Selene lifted her head. “Thea?”

“I didn’t realize he could see that. But then, Kadar is more perceptive than most people. I can see how your not trusting him would matter to Kadar. He does not give affection lightly, and his feelings for you are very strong. He would want all and resent you holding anything back.” She stroked Selene’s hair from her face.

“It’s not your fault that you’re so wary. Everyone you’ve ever loved has gone away from you.”

“Not you.”

“Even me. When I ran away from the House of Nicholas and left you there. I knew that would hurt you terribly.”

“But you came back.”

“But you weren’t sure I would, were you?”

“Of course I was.” Then she shook her head. They had never lied to each other. “No, but I hoped…”

“You see?”

“That was a long time ago. I’m older now.”

“And you love Kadar?”

“I do… care about him.”

Thea shook her head. “You’re too frightened to even say the words. I think Kadar may be a very wise man.”

“What are a few words?” She flared, stung. “I think you must be as stupid as Kadar.”

“Do you?”

She was instantly remorseful. Thea was everything that was loyal and loving. “No, I’m the stupid one. Forgive me. You should slap me.”

Thea smiled. “Not while you’re feeling this unhappy. Though I admit to wanting to give you a thorough tongue-lashing earlier.”

Selene stared at her in surprise. “Why?”

“I wanted no bloodshed tonight.”

“I would never have let it come to that.” But she had been too absorbed in her plan to prod Kadar to notice Thea had been worried, she thought guiltily. “You know I would do nothing to hurt you.”

Thea shrugged. “I know. Sometimes you don’t think.”

“It’s true. I’m a terrible, terrible person. I was selfish.” She jumped to her feet. “Come. We’ll go back downstairs and I’ll be very, very good. Kadar will think it’s because of him, but you’ll know. And tomorrow you stay late in bed and then spend the day playing with my godson. I’ll tend the guests and then make the round of the cottages to check the weaving myself.”

“You must be contrite.” Thea smiled in amusement as she moved toward the door. “We’ll see.”

But she would probably be up at dawn as usual, Selene thought. Perhaps she would mention to Ware how weary Thea looked. It would need only a word for him to become passionately concerned. When Thea had come down with the fever last year after giving birth to Niall, Ware had nearly fallen apart. Selene had never seen a man so besotted with his wife.

But would he remain enamored when Thea was no longer young and lovely? Nicholas had often displayed a passion for the youngest and comeliest women slaves, but the older women received little of his attention. And the men Nicholas allowed to use his women chose only the ones blooming with youth and beauty. She knew Thea believed that Ware would love her forever, but how could she be so sure that-