Ben Cheetham - Blood Guilt

Susan entered the hospital room and saw Harlan lying on his bed, and her tears started to flow. Kane lingered by the door as she approached him and took his hand between hers. “Thank you, thank you. I…” She trailed off momentarily, her voice clogged with emotion. “I don’t know what else to say.”

Harlan smiled. It was different from any other smile that’d appeared on his face in a long time. There was nothing forced or strained about it. “You don’t have to say anything else.” Thank you weren’t the words he was so desperate to hear. But looking at Susan, he realised he didn’t need to hear them, they were in her eyes, plain as ink on paper. “Have they let you see Ethan?”

Susan nodded. “Soon as he saw me, he ran to me and gave me a great big hug. Same as always.” She drew in an elated breath, her eyes shining at the memory of that moment. A slight frown nibbled at the lines of happiness on her features. “I’d have brought him to see you, only the doctors want to keep him in a few more days to run some tests. Physically he’s fine. Nothing a few good meals won’t fix. But-” She broke off, glancing at Kane.

“You don’t need to worry about me hearing what you’re saying, Mum,” said Kane. “I already know why they won’t let Ethan come home. They want to make sure he’s alright up there.” He pointed at his temple.

“Nothing much gets past you, does it?” said Harlan. “Ever thought about being a copper when you grow up?”

“Fuck that.”

Susan flashed her son a sharp look. “Watch your language or you’ll get it!” As Kane lowered his gaze and muttered under his breath, she continued, “Isn’t there something you wanted to say to Harlan?”

Kane stood silent a moment, chewing his lips as if working his courage up. Then, with only a faint trace of his usual sullen indignation, he said, “Thanks for finding my brother, and…and I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

Susan frowned. “What do you mean? What did you do to him?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Harlan. “Kane’s apologised and it’s over.”

The lines faded from Susan’s forehead. She sucked in a big breath and let it out in a shudder. “You’re right. It’s over and my beautiful baby boy will soon be back where he belongs. That’s all that matters.” Some anxiety crept back into her expression. “The only thing that worries me is taking Ethan back to that house. I mean, how’s he ever supposed to feel safe enough to sleep there again?”

“So don’t take him there. Put it up for sale and rent somewhere until you find a new place to buy.”

“How am I supposed to do that? I’ve barely got bus fare to get home, never mind money enough to shell out on the mortgage and rent at the same time.”

“I want you to have the reward for finding Ethan.” The shadow that fell over Susan’s face, prompted Harlan to add quickly, “It’s not a gift. The money’s yours by right. Well, to be precise, it’s Kane’s. Without him, Ethan would still be locked up in that flat.”

Looking at his mother with excited, pleading eyes, Kane opened his mouth to speak. But seeing the frowning uncertainty of her face, he thought better of it and resumed biting his lips. “I suppose you’re right,” said Susan, not sounding entirely convinced.

“So you’ll take the money.”

Susan thought a moment longer, then the shadow left her face. Harlan smiled again, both at the leap of joy in Kane’s eyes as his mum nodded, and at the way the boy turned to him as if expecting him to somehow magic up the cash right that instant. There was relief as well as amusement in Harlan’s expression. The thought of accepting the reward turned his stomach. If Susan had refused it, he would’ve instructed the solicitors to distribute it to whatever worthy causes they pleased. And after all, what worthier cause was there than Ethan? The money wouldn’t erase the memory of what’d happened to him — only time and love might do that — but it would make things easier. After everything he’d been through, surely he deserved that much at least. Harlan was careful not to let Susan see his relief. He knew she’d reverse her decision if she got even the slightest hint that taking the money was charity.

“Does this mean we’re gonna move house?” Kane asked eagerly. When Susan nodded, he continued, “Fuckin’ wicked! Can we get one of those plasma tellies for the front room?”

“Kane, what did I just say about watching your language?”

“Sorry, Mum, but can we?”

“We can’t afford a new telly.”

“Yes we can. We’re gonna be rich.”

“Seventy-thousand pounds is a lot of money, but it doesn’t make us rich.”

Kane’s lips contracted into a pout. “Harlan said it’s my money. So that means I can spend it on what I want.”

“If you think I’m gonna let you piss that money away on TVs and the like, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“But-”

Susan raised a warning finger. “This isn’t up for discussion.”

With a huff of annoyance, Kane turned and stomped from the room. Susan rolled her eyes at Harlan. “Honestly, kids! Who’d have ’em?”

I would, was Harlan’s instant thought.

Susan blinked guiltily, as if she’d read his mind. “Sorry. I forgot about…y’know, about your son.”

Harlan smiled, but it was the old forced smile. “You don’t ever have to apologise to me.”

“But I want to.” Susan squeezed Harlan’s hand, looking into his eyes. “I want…” For a second she seemed to be struggling to find the words she was looking for. Or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe she was thinking the words, but finding it difficult to say them. She cleared her throat as if clearing a slight blockage from her mind. “I want you to be happy.”

The strain vanished from Harlan’s face. Happy. The word vibrated through his body. Was it possible for him to be happy? He didn’t know. He was certain of only one thing: it was possible now for him to try. He squeezed Susan’s hand back. Their eyes remained in contact a moment longer, then she glanced worriedly towards the door. “Go after him,” said Harlan.

“Do you mind? I can stay if you want?”

Harlan shook his head. “He needs you a lot more than I do.”

Susan released Harlan’s hand, saying in a hesitating kind of way, “I guess we’ll talk soon.”

Harlan nodded. “I’ll call you.” Even as he said the words, he realised he wouldn’t be calling Susan. As much as he wanted to keep tabs on how she, Kane and especially Ethan were doing, he also knew it wouldn’t do any of them any good to remain in contact. All it would do would be to keep the embers of the past glowing. Now was the time to let that fire die and build another. From her hesitation, he guessed Susan felt the same way, even if she didn’t consciously recognise it.

“Take care.”

“You too.”

As Susan headed out the room, Eve stepped into it. The two woman exchanged a glance. Susan smiled faintly and nodded almost imperceptibly. Eve replied in kind. There was no particular like or dislike in either of their eyes, simply acknowledgement. Eve’s brow creased in a slight wince at the sight of Harlan, as if it hurt her to look at him. She made as if to take his hand, but hesitated. She stared nervously at him, unconsciously touching her belly as she waited for him to speak. “She came to say thank you,” he told her.

“And what does that mean for us?”

“It means I want us to start again, build a new life, maybe in a new place, just the two of us — that’s if you’ll have me.”

The lines faded from Eve’s brow, but her nervousness remained. “Of course I’ll have you,” she began in a soft, almost tentative voice. “I don’t care whether we stay here or move to the other side of the world, just so long as we can be together. But-” She broke off with a little swallow.