David Bell - Never Come Back

“Why?” I asked. “Who was it?”

But as soon as I asked the question, I knew. I didn’t need her to answer it, but she did.

“It was Gordon,” she said. “It was my dad.”

“He came right over to me,” Beth said. “He seemed to loom over me, even though I was as tall as he was. He didn’t say anything to me, and he didn’t let on that he knew me. He didn’t tell anyone that I was his daughter.” She laughed a little bit, a dry sound from the back of her throat. “Maybe he wanted to protect me from those people. I don’t know. He could get a little violent when I was a kid. He hit me when I was little, and I guess he shook me or shoved me a few times. I felt real fear looking at him. His eyes were vacant in a way that made me afraid of him. It was like there was nothing there. I don’t think he was really seeing me. He didn’t seem to be angry, just calculating. I was a problem he needed to solve. I’m not sure he saw me as anything more significant than a fly he needed to swat away.”

“What did he do to you?” I asked.

“He took me by the arm. He took my arm from the guy who was already holding me, and he pushed me back through the door. As we left, he told the people in the garage to just keep going. ‘We need to get that finished,’ he said. ‘Keep them going.’ I assumed he meant the actors in the movie. Then he said to someone else—someone I couldn’t see—‘I’m going to need your help in a minute.’”

Beth abruptly stood up from the couch. She took a couple of steps to the center of the room and again wrapped her arms around her body as though she was cold. I was worried about her. She seemed upset, and I was bringing it all out. But the story needed to be told.

Beth faced away from me. Then she dropped her arms and said, “This is a hell of an introduction to a long-lost family member, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking about this day for a while now, and I always imagined we’d hug and we’d maybe cry a little. And then we’d tell each other about our lives. I could tell you about my kids and grandkids, and you could tell me all about school and whether you have a boyfriend or not.” She turned around. “Hell, I even hoped we’d share girl talk, you know? I thought you could seek my advice about the world, the way sisters do. Instead, we’re talking about this. I’m surprised you haven’t run away already.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I want to know. I want to know the truth.”

I tried to sound light when I said it. I didn’t really care about having someone I could share girl talk with. And I didn’t bring my relationship problems to anyone. I simply wanted to understand the past so I could understand the present.

Beth sat back down. She looked a little more relaxed, even though I suspected her story wasn’t going to get any easier to hear.

“Dad— Gordon —led me by the arm. He practically dragged me down the driveway and out to the street. His car was parked there in the dark. I hadn’t noticed it when I walked up to the house, but he led me straight to it. It was raining then. Fat drops of rain. I felt them tapping on my head as he hustled me down the driveway. He unlocked a back door and shoved me inside. But he didn’t close the door. He stood with the door open. The rain came into the car, but Gordon didn’t even seem to notice. He leaned against the door frame so I couldn’t get past him. ‘You don’t like me very much, do you?’ he said. ‘You don’t have much respect for your mother or me.’

“I thought it was an odd thing to say to me at a moment like that,” Beth continued. “He was the one I had just caught making a pornographic movie with an underage girl. I would think my lack of respect for him would be obvious. He said, ‘I don’t suppose it would do any good to tell you that you probably don’t really understand what was going on back there. That wasn’t what it looked like. We’re working on a movie project, a real movie project. It’s not something dirty. I’m helping these people out by producing the movie for them.’

“I had a choice then, I guess. I could have just gone along. That’s what he was asking me to do. Play along. Be a good girl. Keep my mouth shut. I’d like to think if I had just said what he wanted to hear he would have taken me home and left me alone.”

“Do you really believe that?” I asked. “How could he know you wouldn’t ever tell?”

“You’re right,” she said. “And it didn’t really matter. I was never good at just going along with people, and I wasn’t going to do it for him. I told him I was going to tell Mom and the police. I didn’t back down at all.”

“And how did he take that?”

“He played his trump card,” she said. “He told me that I could tell Mom all I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter to her.”

“Why?”

“He said that Mom knew all about the movies. More than that, she didn’t just know about them; she had helped him produce them. And if I told the police or anyone else, Mom would suffer the same consequences he would. Maybe worse. And he said that I’d end up in a foster home, living a miserable life without anyone to look out for me.”

Her words dropped between us like a heavy stone. I waited for Beth to say more. When she didn’t, I said, “That’s not true. It can’t be true.”

Beth’s voice was low when she spoke again. “I didn’t know what to think back then. I could tell he was threatening me in a way. And I worried that he might hurt Mom.”

“Did he ever hit her ?”

“I don’t know,” Beth said. “He acted like an asshole around the house. He certainly yelled at her. He tried to intimidate her. But overall, I guess he seemed… kind of normal. And that made it all the worse when I found out who he really was.”

My phone buzzed again. It was Dan.

“Do you have to get that?” Beth asked.

I sighed. “Maybe I should. Ronnie… I guess you don’t know what happened to Ronnie today, do you?”

“No.”

“But you’ve met him, haven’t you?”

She nodded. “A couple of times. Mom thought it would be easier to meet him first, and then meet you after she’d talked to you more about… everything.”

“Ronnie has a picture in his room of two little kids. Are they related to you?”

“Two of my grandchildren. You said something happened to Ronnie today?”

I told her about the suicide attempt and the pills, the trip to the emergency room at St. Vincent’s and his move to the ICU. Beth listened with her hand to her heart. I watched the fear and anxiety fill her eyes as I gave her the details.

“I think I should take the call—maybe something happened at the hospital.”

“Go ahead,” Beth said.

I called Dan back and he answered right away. “Are you okay?” he asked, without so much as a hello.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Everything is fine. Did something happen there?”

“Yes,” he said. “They’ve moved Ronnie to a regular room. He’s doing better.”

I felt relief rush through me, like air returning to my lungs after being underwater.

“He’s awake?”

“He is. They’re going to try to get him to eat something.”

I looked at Beth and nodded. He’s okay, I mouthed.

“And they found out what he took,” Dan said. “Apparently it wasn’t the sedatives he was on. It was some heart medicine he takes. Digitoxin? No—I don’t know. They did a blood test and found a dangerous level in his system. The doctor tried to ask me some questions about Ronnie’s heart condition, but I didn’t know the answers. I guess people with Down syndrome can have heart problems?”

“Sometimes,” I said. “But I didn’t think Ronnie was on medication for that anymore. He was when he was a kid. Did they ask Paul these questions?”