Sara Foster: Come Back to Me

© 2010

London

November 2009

It was already dark outside, the wind working itself up into a frenzy against the bedroom window. Chloe sat at her dresser, staring at the mirror while absently fingering the latest gift from her husband – a dainty row of black beads dotted with brilliant red stones that shimmered in the lamplight. Distantly she could hear Alex getting ready in the adjacent bathroom – the sound of the shower turning on and off, water running in the basin, electric toothbrush whirring, then feet shuffling, getting louder as he re-entered their bedroom and walked over to her.

In the mirror, her eyes met his reflected ones, and she smiled.

‘You look distracted?’ he commented, his voice rising with the question.

‘Mmm,’ she murmured, fingering the beads. She wanted so much to tell him. To share the news that she herself had only just discovered. But now was not the time.

She lifted the beads. ‘Would you?’

He came close behind her as she pulled her shoulder-length bobbed hair out of the way, and she felt his fingers softly brush her neck as he clumsily manoeuvred the clasp. She watched in the mirror and saw a frown flicker across his face as he fumbled for a moment with the delicate links. As he let go, she whirled around and kissed him.

Alex stood back and looked at her, shaking his head. ‘Damn, you look gorgeous, Chloe. That dress is stunning on you.’

Chloe smiled as she ran her hands down the simple black wraparound dress she was wearing, as Alex added, ‘Although, what I’d really love would be to push you back on that bed and ravish you – and get you all messed up again!’ They grinned at one another, then Alex sighed. ‘However, I guess it wouldn’t be good to keep Mark waiting. I’m sure he’d happily get the evening off to a bad start given half a chance.’

Chloe smiled sympathetically. She knew Alex hated these get-togethers with her colleague Mark, not that there had been many of them. She went out of her way to avoid them too if possible, having realised that being with the two men together was akin to refereeing a verbal bout of boxing. Alex could probably just about have put up with the pompous, pontificating lawyer-Mark, but as he was also Chloe’s ex-boyfriend this steered them into even more uncomfortable territory. And in front of Alex, rather than being unnerved by the situation, Mark seemed to revel in it, and would preface as many comments as he could with, ‘When Chloe and I were together…’

She hoped that tonight would be different. Mark was bringing along a new girlfriend, and Chloe was optimistic that this dinner date might mark a fresh beginning for all of them; especially since Neil, one of the senior partners at work, had recently involved Chloe and Mark in one of the biggest cases the firm had ever had. It meant they would be working together quite a bit in the coming months.

Without thinking, she opened her mouth to tell Alex her news, despite her earlier good intentions, but as she did so he turned away, and something in the tense set of his back made her stop herself and suck in a breath instead. What if he didn’t like what she had to say? Could she be sure his reaction would be the one she wanted? She stood there for a second, faltering, unaccountably nervous.

Alex sensed her watching and turned back around, grinning at her as his fingers flew deftly upwards fastening buttons. And there, as always, his eyes, with their utter familiarity and lack of guile, reached through her inexplicable nerves like a caress, shooing away all irrational thought.

She shook her head at herself as she slipped on her shoes. She would wait until later to tell him, when they weren’t in such a rush, but she was sure it would be okay. Why, when life was on the up, was she worrying that it might slide away from her?

They ran along the pavement for the short distance between their parked car and the warm, welcoming lights of the restaurant, holding their jackets over their heads to try to shelter themselves from the sudden downpour. Chloe saw Mark as soon as they got inside Casa Bella. He was sitting in the corner opposite a brunette with her back to them, who appeared to be studying the menu intently while Mark gazed at her. The lighting around them was perfectly pitched to create romantic ambience, and something about the semi-darkness meant that everyone was talking in hushed and reverent tones. Mark looked like he had come straight from work – he was wearing the same suit Chloe had seen him in earlier, and she felt a moment of panic at the hours he put in compared to her. She imagined the senior partners’ expressions as they walked past her dark, empty office at 5.05 p.m.

Mark looked towards the door and Chloe raised a hand in greeting. He didn’t appear to see her, but ran his fingers through his short, thick brown hair, patting it to check it was in place before his gaze returned to the woman in front of him – who, Chloe assumed, must be Julia. From the entranceway she could make out long, dark, slightly wavy hair with a small flower pinned behind one ear. The hair shone with health, and the shape of her head, neck and shoulders made Chloe instantly sure that Mark hadn’t been lying when he’d said Julia was beautiful. She wished she’d done something more with her own hair, which had just been tucked neatly behind her ears and was now plastered messily against her head by the rain, but she seemed to have become more practical about her appearance of late and dressing up had begun to feel unnatural to her. Now she felt instantly plain and underdressed, aware of the slight protrusion of her stomach and the oblique width of her thighs.

Chloe and Alex made their way over to their seats, directed by a waiter. ‘There you are!’ Chloe said brightly as they neared.

‘Hi, Chloe.’ Mark reluctantly turned his gaze from Julia and kissed Chloe’s cheek formally as she sat down next to him. ‘This is Julia.’ He smiled proudly.

Julia half-turned in her seat and the two women exchanged handshakes and hellos. Chloe’s impression had been right – Julia had high-set cheekbones and enormous dark eyes. She smiled and said, ‘And this is my husband… Alex…’

Her voice trailed off.

She watched Alex’s eyes widen as he went to shake Julia’s hand. He took a tiny sharp breath and swayed slightly, then he quickly put his free hand on the back of his chair to steady himself, whilst the other one, although still held out, drooped like a flower in sudden wilt.

‘Nice to meet you… Julia?’ he said, in a broken, tremulous voice unlike anything Chloe had heard come from him before.

Mark looked up from his menu and he echoed Chloe’s startled expression as they glanced from Alex to Julia. They both saw Julia’s face – stricken and raw with pain for just a moment, still ashen as she reached out her hand.

‘Alex.’

She said his name gently, and soft intonations of unknown meanings reverberated around the table like an aftershock.

Chloe had never experienced the notion of time standing still until now. For long, sludgy seconds they were all transfixed within a silent, painful tableau. No one moved.

Then Alex recovered himself, straightening his back, and he and Julia shook hands. Chloe thought that the shake had looked more like a hold… that they’d held hands for a second.