Bernard Schaffer - Superbia

Frank wiped his face off with a paper towel and straightened his tie. The ache in his leg faded. The bolts holding the shattered bones of his knee together and the itching knot of skin where the surgeon had plugged the bullet hole’s entry seemed to melt away.

The patrol room was empty. Frank made his way down the hallway toward the back steps and braced himself on the handrail to ease down them one by one. He took the long corridor back to the Detective office. It was narrow and lined with loose tiles that squished under his feet. They were underground and the only ventilation was from vents in the ceiling that appeared to be growing some new type of black fungus. The air was swampy. Unhealthy. Frank muttered in disgust as he came to the last door and stopped.

The lights were off inside and the sound of snoring emanated from within like a bear hibernating deep in his cave. Frank coughed into his hand and cleared his throat. The sound of snoring stopped abruptly. Frank pushed the door open slowly and knocked on it, standing in the hallway while Ajax rubbed his eyes and scowled at him. “Welcome back, Frank. Nice to see you. Close the door and go away.”

Frank flicked the light switch on and said, “Good morning, sunshine!”

The office was a small affair with two desks set side-by-side. Case files stuffed with paperwork were scattered across both of their desktops. Frank leaned on the spare one to take the weight off his knee. He looked around at the maps and thumbtacked photocopies of mug shots that covered the walls. There were bookshelves packed with medical and scientific research journals for everything from human anatomy to fingerprint classification manuals.

Framed awards and diplomas from specialized investigative schools decorated the wall behind Vic. The only thing displayed behind the empty desk was a single framed photo that showed Vic and a pretty young female squatting behind several kilos of cocaine. Both were smiling. The picture was covered in dust.

“For your information, I was out doing a trash pull at four o’clock this morning while you were snug in your jammies,” Vic said. “I’ve probably got to go back out tonight, so I was taking the time to get some rest, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s okay with me,” Frank said. “Do I get to sleep too?”

“Is there something you need, Frank? You didn’t have to walk all the way down here. You just could have called my desk.”

“I just wanted to come say hi to my new partner and check out our office.”

“Very funny. Seriously, what do you need?”

“I’m totally serious.”

They locked eyes for a minute until Vic said, “Get up.”

“But I just limped all the way down here.”

“I’m going upstairs, and this office needs to be secured if I’m not in it. You can either come with me, or wait outside.”

Vic was ten years older than Frank, with a good forty pounds extra around the middle. The detective huffed as they went up the stairs, and Frank braced himself for the pain of walking back up, but the medication was flowing through him so much at that point that it barely registered. He followed Vic toward the Chief’s office, but Vic stopped him and said, “Stay here,” the walked in and shut the door behind him..

Frank waited outside in the hallway for a moment, catching curious glances from the clerical staff at the front door. He looked up at the horseshoe and scowled. “Screw this,” he whispered and made his way back into the patrol room.

His old desk had a stack of unfinished reports sitting on it. They were the same ones he’d left there his last night on duty. Now they had a note:

Officer O’Ryan,

Upon returning to work, you are to complete these reports upon your returning to work.

Staff Sergeant Erinnyes

Frank shook his head as he read and re-read the note, then shrugged and yanked the desk drawer open to throw it inside. All of his pens were gone. The sticky notes, paper clips, and set of spare car keys to all of the patrol cars in the lot, were all missing. “You thieving pricks,” he shouted at the empty cubicles. He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. The radio speaker directly over his desk crackled with reports of dogs barking and parking complaints and alarms going off throughout the Township. His knee was starting to hurt. He looked at his watch again. How much longer?

He didn’t see Vic come up behind him until the detective said, “All right, let’s go.”

Frank turned around and looked up, “What if I don’t want to?”

“That would suit me just fine, but the old man said otherwise and it’s his PD, so get up.”

Frank didn’t move. “You are very mean to me, Vic. I can see why nobody wants to work with you.”

“People would give their left nut in this police department just to know what I do, let alone be a part of it. Everybody wants to work with me.”

“They wouldn’t if they knew how mean you were. I just got back from being shot on duty, and all you’ve done is yell at me and make me feel unwanted. It was a huge effort for me to even come in here today. The only thing I had to look forward to was starting a new adventure in criminal investigations.”

“Whatever,” Vic said. He waited a moment, looking Frank over. “You being serious?”

Frank shrugged and returned to his stack of reports. “What do you care, mean guy?”

Vic said, “Forget it. You’re an idiot. Stay here.”

“I’ll come down if you apologize.”

“When hell freezes over.”

Frank turned back to his desk peeled off reports from the stack that he scribbled his initials on and placed in a new stack. He looked at his watch again. Screw it, he thought. He opened the pill bottle and took two more pills. The bottle was already half gone and had only been filled the day before. I need to slow down , he thought. He closed his eyes and sat in his chair, feeling the stress dissolving into a chemical haze. The intercom on his phone buzzed. “I’m not really good at the whole apology thing. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, though.”

“I guess that will suffice.”

“So are you coming down?”

“I guess. It shouldn’t take me too long to limp back down.”

“Good. Let’s get to work. And bring me a cup of coffee. Cream and two Sweet `N Lows.”

Frank stopped pouring coffee when he heard the breathing of a large mammal, like that of a walrus waddling behind him. He did not have to turn to know who it was. “Good morning, Staff Sergeant. Want some coffee?”

“Black and strong.”

“Just how you like your men?” Frank murmured.

Staff Sergeant Erinnyes put a mammoth hand on Frank’s shoulder and said, “I see you’re fitting into your house duties rather nicely. Glad to know you’re getting a head start on your new primary assignment.”

Frank laughed. He turned around and handed the Staff Sergeant his coffee. “Don’t I wish. I don’t know which is worse, making coffee, or having to work downstairs in defectives.”

Erinnyes looked down at the two coffees in Frank’s hand. “Come again?”

“This was my first official order from Detective Ajax.”

Erinnyes’s bald head reddened and he aimed a fat finger directly at Frank’s face, “You are assigned to patrol, which places you under my command, not in the basement with that trash-picker. Unless I assign you anywhere, you will sit at your desk and wait for me to decide what to do with you. Are we clear?”

Frank nodded and said, “Crystal clear, sir. Should I let the Chief know you gave me a different order than he did, or is it okay as it stands?”

A thick purple vein popped out of the Staff Sergeant’s forehead and the area around it darkened. He managed to keep his voice steady when he said, “I see. Apparently it’s more important to tell some dungeon dweller than the second-in-command of the police department. I will go and verify the specificities of your assignment, Officer. A word of advice. Watch your back. Ajax does not have a good track record with his partners. Always remember that he is not your friend.”