Elmore Leonard - Raylan

“By an old lady. You think she’ll go to prison?”

“I doubt it. But you don’t know which one to feel sorry for.”

“Indiana they speak Hoosier,” Jackie said. “Come down here you’re in a different country.”

“Coal country,” Raylan said. “Carol’s from West Virginia, she shouldn’t of been surprised.”

Jackie said, “Ms. Culpepper said the company woman came in and told her how nice it was to see her again, and Ms. Culpepper shot her.”

“Being cordial,” Raylan said, “instead of wondering what the hell that was under the blanket. You live down there you get to know people’s ways. You hear Boyd? He said, ‘I never used a shotgun on a woman.’ Carol knew everything but who we are. She was good at sounding West Virginia when she wanted but, I’ll say it again, she didn’t know our ways.” He looked at Jackie and said, “You want to get a beer? It might do you good.”

The way Harry set up the poker show-once he decided Raylan and Boyd didn’t have the money and Carol Conlan was no longer available-he’d stage it as a guys-against-girls thing and have it shot professionally on HD video, in his poker suite at home, a Burgoyne Farms Production, with refreshments.

Jackie said, “You want us drinking?”

“Don’t poker players drink when they’re not on TV? I want the atmosphere real. The guys are Kwami and Qasim Mu’tazz, breeders from Saudi Arabia. I know they drink. I got to be careful doing the play-by-play I don’t call them Ike and Mike.” Harry said, “And joining the two Arabians will be Dude Moody, winner of two World Series of Poker championships. If Dude wants to smoke he may. You see him on Poker After Dark he’s rollin a dead cigar in his mouth.”

“And the girls?” Jackie said.

Harry was showing her the poker suite: a well-stocked bar, bookshelves and shots of horses on the paneled walls.

“I’ll introduce you as the Butler champ.”

“Butler doesn’t have a competition.”

“You beat everybody there, don’t you? And we have two of the top names from the women’s poker club here in town, Vanessa Russo and Leanne Lynn, always competitors.”

Jackie said, “That’s it?”

“Start playin for a hundred grand, top prize, and we’ll keep the local girls in for a while. Then you go no-limit with the boys.”

“You’re doing this,” Jackie said, “so you’ll have a video to show at Keeneland.”

“If it’s any good,” Harry said. “Everything anyone says will be in it. I think that part’ll be better’n the poker. But there’s always suspense when you raise a bet. All you have to do is sit down with the pros and see if you’re any good.”

He sounded serious. Jackie said, “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“Course I do. I’m checkin, see if you’re ready. You win, I suspect you’ll be on your own from now on.”

“And if I lose my bankroll?”

“We’ll still be buddies,” Harry said, “won’t we?”

R aylan and Boyd sat at the back end of the suite by a screen that would follow the action: a camera mounted above the poker table, and a young guy with a Sonyy with a Handycam, putting it on the players as they came in the suite. Harry, by the bar, introduced the players.

Harry: “Twice poker world champ Dude Moody, here all the way from Cypress, Texas, to be with us.”

They watched Dude come away from the bar in his white Stetson, holding a lowball glass of Maker’s Mark. He touched his brim to the camcorder and took a seat. Dude rolling a cigar in his mouth.

Boyd: “Smokin it too. They don’t allow it he’s on TV. Raylan, did you get a good look at Ms. Conlan?”

Raylan: “I did. I noticed she was dead. Boyd, how come you’re here?”

Boyd: “Ms. Conlan invited me. I identified the body and the company had a funeral home come by and pick her up. She was lookin forward to this game.”

Harry was introducing the Mu’tazz brothers. “My good friends Kwame and Qasim from Saudi Arabia, successful at poker as they are breeding horses.”

Harry: “And now the ladies. Jackie Nevada, who’s been playin the big boys lately and winning. And Vanessa Russo and Leanne Lynn, local women’s club champs.”

Vanessa raised her arm in the sleeveless dress and waved to the camera.

She reached the table and the Mu’tazz brothers were each kissing her hand.

Boyd: “I believe Vanessa forgot to shave her armpit this morning. You notice some fuzz?”

Raylan: “Just the one?”

Boyd: “Far as I can tell. I saw Ms. Conlan’s armpit she’s layin there dead? It was clean as could be. You could see one of her knockers all bloody.”

Liz, as she joined them: “What was all bloody?”

Boyd: “Ms. Conlan’s chest.”

Liz: “I’m so sorry she couldn’t make it.”

Boyd: “ Poker After Dark, you see their hands on the screen, you know what’s goin on. I think this is gonna be boring.”

H arry: “You want some background music?”

Vanessa: “You got anything inspires poker?” font›‹v height="0em"›

Leanne: “I 1ike it quiet so I can think.”

Vanessa: “The one turns me on is Taylor Swift.”

Dude: “That little girl?”

Vanessa: “She’ll pack a stadium.”

Dude: I don’t mind Brad Paisley, he change his name he wouldn’t sound queer. Him and Kenny Chesney’d swap names they’d have it right.”

Vanessa: “What’re you talkin about?”

Dude: “That Zellweger girl was married to him a week and walked out.”

Harry: “Why don’t we get the cards in the air?”

Boyd: “Dude don’t find Kenny to his taste. That Vanessa, she looks like she’d make a meal of Taylor Swift. How old you think she is, her twenties?”

Liz: “They’re all young, the girls. Would anyone like a drink?”

Raylan: “Not yet, thanks.”

Boyd: “You know how to make a Sazerac?”

Liz: “With my eyes closed.”

Boyd, to Raylan: “Your girlfriend hasn’t said a word.”

Raylan: “She’s waitin on everybody to shut up.”

Vanessa, to Dude, who’s coming from the bar with another bourbon: “You gonna drink all night?”

Dude: “When I’m playin women I do.”

Leanne: “All the talkin, I can’t concentrate.”

Dude: “Honey, we haven’t started yet.” To Harry: “What’s the blind?”

Harry: “How about four and six hundred?”

Dude: “We playin in the schoolyard? Bump it up some.”

Vanessa: “You’re dumber’n you look, sittin there with your cowboy hat on. I read you like a book, you and your bracelet. What’re you gonna do after, na do afgo round up the herd? You guys and your hats.”

B oyd, to Raylan: “She see yours yet?”

Raylan: “I’m keepin it hid.”

Liz: “They gonna play or not?”

Raylan: “Bet you a buck they don’t turn a card.”

D ude: “A man wears a hat it becomes part of him.”

Vanessa: “Cover up your bald head, less you’re wearing a hairpiece.”

Dude removes his Stetson to show Vanessa a full head of dark hair. He leans toward her at the table. “There a few strands of gray-but go on, pull on it, stick your nose in my hair and satisfy yourself it’s all mine.” Dude straightens. “I see you got kinda pink hair now. Any your other hair pink?”

Vanessa: “I can’t sit here and look at you no more. You are so fucking out of it. You win cause you bet enough nobody can call. That got you the bracelet?”

Dude: “A pair. Honey, the boys I play all got enough to call my bets. Give me a seven-deuce down and I’ll beat you playin for anything you want.”

Vanessa: “You’re a big-mouth stuck on yourself-”

Dude: “Sometimes.”

Vanessa: “You prob’ly think Lady Gaga’s a chick from outer space.”