Janet Evanovich - Ten Big Ones

The front bell chimed, and I opened the door to Ella. She had the basket of clean clothes I'd left in the fourth-floor room.

'Ranger asked me to bring these up to you,' Ella said. 'And your phone is in the basket, too. It was on the night table.' She collected the breakfast tray and turned to leave. 'When would be a good time for me to come in to clean?' she asked.

'Whenever it's convenient for you.'

'I can tidy up right now,' she said. 'I won't be long. There isn't much to do today.'

Not counting my mother, no one had ever cleaned or cooked for me. I wasn't in the income bracket to have a housekeeper. I didn't know anyone, other than Ranger, who had help. It was a luxury I'd always wanted, but it was uncharted territory for me right now, and it felt weird. It was one thing for Ella to come in and make Ranger's life easier while he was out catching desperadoes. It was totally different to have her cleaning up my mess while I sat around watching television.

I solved the Ella problem by helping her make the bed and straighten the apartment. She wouldn't allow me to touch the laundry, not wanting to be held responsible should I mix Rangers blacks with his whites. Although, from what I could see, he didn't have any whites, other than sheets. We'd moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. Ella was setting out fresh towels, and I was smelling the soap.

'I love this soap,' I said.

'My sister works on the cosmetic floor of a department store, and she gave me a sample of the Bulgari. It is very expensive, but it suits Ranger. Not that Ranger would notice. All he thinks about is work. Such a nice handsome young man and no girlfriend. Until you.'

'I'm not exactly a girlfriend.'

Ella stood straight arid did a sharp inhale, focusing her snapping bird eyes on me. 'He isn't paying you, is he? Like the way Richard Gere was paying Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?'

'No. Ranger and I work together. I'm a bounty hunter.'

'Maybe you'll become a girlfriend,' she said hopefully.

'Maybe.' But doubtful. In this case, I didn't think love and sex equated to boyfriend. 'Do you take care of all his properties?' I asked Ella.

'Just this building. I take care of the apartments on the fourth floor and Ranger. My husband, Louis, takes care of everything else.'

Rats. I was hoping to get a lead on the Bat Cave.

Ella gathered the day's laundry and turned to go. 'Would you like me to bring lunch?' she asked. 'Ranger is never at home for lunch, but I'd be happy to make you a sandwich and a nice salad.'

'Not necessary,' I said. 'I have some sandwich things here. But thank you for offering.'

I let Ella out and my cell phone rang.

'Everybody's been trying to get you,' Grandma said. 'You haven't been answering your phone.'

'I misplaced it.'

'Your sisters driving us nuts. Ever since that fitting she's been impossible. I swear, I never saw anybody with such wedding jitters. I don't want to think what's going to happen if Valerie backs out. Your mother's hitting the sauce, as is. Not that I blame her. I take a nip now and then, too, what with all the googie bear and oogiewoogie snuggy sweetie stuff. Anyway, I just called to see if you wanted to go to the shower with Sally and me. Your mother's bringing Valerie.'

Thanks,' I said, 'but I'll get myself to the shower.' Silent groan.

The shower was Friday, and I didn't have a present. If Junkman was going to kill me, let it be today, I thought. At least I'd get out of the shower.

I disconnected and dialed Morelli.

'What?' he answered. Not happy.

'It's me,' I said. 'Have you been trying to call me?'

'Yeah. I worked a double shift yesterday, running down leads on Junkman. It was after eleven before I got home and checked my phone. Next time leave a message, so I know you're okay. Seeing your number pop up on my caller ID and then not being able to reach you doesn't do a lot for my acid reflux.'

'Sorry. I wasn't calling for anything special. And then I misplaced my phone.'

'Junkman got his cop.'

'I just heard.'

'I'd feel better if I knew where you were.'

'No you wouldn't,' I said. 'But you'd worry less.'

'I can read between the lines on that one,' Morelli said. 'Be careful.'

No ranting and raving. No jealous accusations. Just an affectionate be careful.

'You trust me,' I said.

'Yeah.'

'That's really rotten.'

'I know. Live with it.'

I could sense the smile. I was entertainment for Morelli, too. I disconnected and called Valerie.

'What's going on?' I asked her. 'Grandma says you're having a meltdown.'

'I saw myself in the gown, and I had a total panic attack. It wasn't just that I was fat, either. It was everything. All the fuss. I know it's my own fault. I wanted a wedding, but it's gotten really scary. And now I have to get through a shower! Seventy-eight women in the VFW hall. Good thing there isn't a gun in the house because I'd shoot myself.'

'The shower is supposed to be a secret.'

'I planned it! What was I thinking? And what if this marriage doesn't work out? I thought my first marriage was perfect. I was clueless!'

'Albert's a nice guy. You're not going to find him in the coat closet with the baby-sitter. You'll have a nice comfortable life with Albert.'

And that couldn't be said for the two men in my life, I thought.

They were volatile domineering alpha males. Life wouldn't be dull with either of them, but it also wouldn't be easy.

'Maybe you should elope,' I told Valerie. 'Just go off and quietly get married and get on with your life.'

'I couldn't do that to Mom.'

'She might be relieved.'

Okay, I have to admit this was self-serving, because I really didn't want to wear the eggplant gown. Still, I thought it was decent advice.

'I'll think about it,' Valerie said.

'Just don't tell anyone I gave you the idea.'

I hung up and went into the kitchen to say hello to Rex. I dropped a couple Frosted Flakes into his cage; he rushed out of his soup can, whiskers twitching, shoved the cereal into his cheek, and rushed back to the soup can.

Okay, that was fun, but now what? What do people do all day when they have nothing to do?

I flipped the television on and surfed through about forty channels, finding nothing. How could there be so little on so many channels?

I called the office.

'What's going on?' I asked Connie.

'Ranger was in. He's looking for Junkman. He's got a lot of company. Every bounty hunter and every cop in the state is looking for Junkman. You heard about the latest killing?'

'I heard.'

'Did you also hear about Pancek? He was shot in the head last night, at the corner of Comstock and Seventh. Somehow he drove four more blocks before he lost consciousness and crashed his car. He's at St Francis. It looks like he's going to make it.'

'My fault.' I said. 'I chased him into Slayerland.'

'Wrong,' Connie said. 'You followed him to Slayerland. Since you're not here, I'm assuming you're hiding?'

'That's the plan, but it's getting old.'

'Yeah, you've been at it for what, three or four hours?'

I got off the phone with Connie and shuffled into the bedroom to take a nap. I stood at the edge of the bed and couldn't bring myself to get in and wrinkle the perfectly ironed sheets. I looked to the bathroom. I'd already taken a shower. I went back to the kitchen and shook Rex's aquarium.

'Get up, you stupid hamster,' I said. 'I'm bored.'

There was a slight rustling in the soup can as Rex hunkered in deeper.

I could explore the building, but that would involve interaction with Ranger's men. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. Especially since they might be stun-gun ready should I make a break for freedom.

I called Ranger on his cell phone. Ranger answered with a soft, 'Yo.'