Janet Evanovich - Ten Big Ones

'Be still my heart,' Lula said, looking past me, through the window to the sidewalk.

I figured they were looking at either Johnny Depp or Ranger. My money was on Ranger. The door opened, and I glanced over my shoulder, just in case, not wanting to miss Johnny Depp. But then not entirely disappointed when it turned out to be Ranger.

He crossed the room and stood close behind me, his hand at my back, heating the skin beneath his touch.

'Tank said you wanted me to stop by,' he said to Connie.

Connie took the Jamil Rodriguez file from her desktop. 'I originally gave this to Stephanie, but she's got a lot on her plate right now.'

Ranger took the file and flipped through it. 'I know this guy. The thumb belongs to Hector Santinni. Santinni stiffed Rodriguez on a drug sale, so Rodriguez chopped Santinni's thumb off and put it in a jar of formaldehyde. Rodriguez carries the thumb everywhere. Thinks the thumb gives him an edge.'

'So much for the edge,' Connie said. The police have the thumb.'

'A lot more where that came from,' Ranger said. His hand moved to the base of my neck. Your call, Babe,' he said to me. 'Do you want him?'

'Is he a gang guy?'

'No. He's an independent nut case.'

'I'll keep him.'

'He's probably looking for a new thumb,' Ranger said. 'So be careful. Most afternoons you can find him at the bar on the corner of Third and Laramie.'

His fingertips trailed the length of my spine, triggering feelings I was determined to ignore. And he was gone.

'Damn,' Lula said, doing thumbs up, eyes fixed on the thumbs.

'I don't know if I want to go after a guy who's going big game hunting for a thumb. I'm real attached to mine.'

I made chicken sounds and did wing flaps.

'Huh,' Lula said. 'Smart-ass. What makes you so brave all of a sudden?'

For starters, every move I made in the Cayenne was tracked at RangeMan Central. And if that wasn't enough, I suspected I was being followed. Ranger and Morelli always ran neck and neck in the vote of no confidence race. The only difference being in the level of sneakiness. Ranger always won out on sneaky. When there's a code-red danger alert, Morelli rants and raves and tries to lock me away. Ranger just assigns a goon to watch over me.

Sometimes the goons are visible. Sometimes the goons are invisible. Whatever the state of visibility, they stick to me like glue, preferring death to the hideous task of informing Ranger they've lost me. I turned and looked out the window in time to see Ranger pull away in the big bad truck. A shiny black SUV with tinted windows was left idling at curbside behind the Cayenne. 'That's what makes me so brave,' I said.

'Huh,' Lula said, following my eyes to the SUV. 'I knew that.'

Lula and I left the bonds office and climbed into the Cayenne.

'I thought we'd drive past Pancek's house first,' I said. 'See if he's returned.'

'Are you gonna try to lose the SUV?'

'I can't lose the SUV as long as I'm in this car. It's hooked into a GPS tracking system.'

'I bet there's a way to disable it,' Lula said. 'This is one of Rangers personal cars, and I bet there's times Ranger doesn't want anyone to know where he's going.'

I'd had the same thought, but for now I didn't want to disable the system. And I didn't want to lose my bodyguard. I had the flak vest and sweatshirt in the back seat and Ranger's loaded gun in my purse. I thought I was relatively safe until Junkman made his third hit, but I wasn't taking unnecessary chances.

I glanced back at the SUV. 'To tell you the truth, I'm happy to have the added protection.'

'I hear you,' Lula said.

I drove a block down Hamilton, left-turned into the Burg, and followed the maze of streets that led to Canter. I didn't see the blue Honda Civic parked anywhere near Pancek's apartment. I parked two houses down, put my Kevlar vest on under the sweatshirt, got out of the car, and walked to Pancek's door. I rang the bell. No answer. I rang two more times and returned to the car.

'No luck,' I told Lula.

'Are we going back to Newark?'

'Not today. Ranger told me where I can find Rodriguez. I thought I'd go after him while I have an escort.'

'On the one hand, that sounds good,' Lula said. 'Like, we got some help if we need it. On the other hand, if we screw up we got a witness laughing his ass off.'

Lula had a point. 'Maybe we won't screw up.'

'I just hope it's not Tank back there. I wouldn't mind taking Tank home with me someday, and it would put a crimp in my plans to embarrass myself with a lame bust.'

The SUV was half a block back. Too far for us to see its occupants. We were debating the embarrassment potential when my phone rang.

'Where are you?' Sally wanted to know. 'We've been waiting for twenty minutes.'

'Waiting?'

'You were supposed to meet us to get your dress fitted for the wedding.'

'Crap. I forgot.'

'How could you forget? Your sister's getting married. It's not like this happens every day. How do you expect me to plan this wedding if you forget things?'

'I'll be right there.'

'We're at the Bride Shoppe next to Tasty Pastry.'

'What'd you forget?' Lula wanted to know.

'I was supposed to go for a fitting for my bridesmaid dress. They're all waiting for me. This will only take a minute. I'll run in and run out, and we can go look for Rodriguez.'

'I love wedding dresses,' Lula said. 'I might buy one even if I never get married. I like the bridesmaid dresses, too. And you know what else I like… wedding cake.'

I put the Cayenne in gear and raced off, doubling back to Hamilton. I took the turn to the parking lot on two wheels and diagonal-parked the SUV next to my mothers Buick LeSabre.

Lula and I jumped out of the car and sprinted for the Bride Shoppe. Ranger's men in the SUV barreled in after us. The guy in the passenger seat had one foot on the ground when I turned and pointed at him.

'Stay!' I said. And then Lula and I hustled through the front door.

The Bride Shoppe is run and owned by Maria Raguzzi, a dumpling of a woman in her late fifties. Maria's got short black hair and long black sideburns and fine black hair on her knuckles. She always wears a fat round pincushion on a Velcro wrist bracelet, and for as long as I've known her, she's had a yellow tape measure draped around her neck. She's been married and divorced three times, so she knows a lot about weddings.

Loretta Stonehouser, Rita Metzger, Margaret Durski, Valerie, Grandma Mazur, my mother, and the 'wedding planner' were all crammed into the little showroom. Maria Raguzzi and Sally were bustling around, distributing dresses.

Margaret Durski was the first to see me. 'Stephanie!' she shrieked. 'Omigod, it's been so long. I haven't seen you since Valerie's first wedding. Omigod, I see you in the paper all the time. You're always burning something down to the ground.'

Rita Metzger was right behind her. 'Stephaneeeee!' she said. 'Is this so awesome? Here we are all together. Is this cool, or what? And have you seen the dresses? The dresses are to die for. Pumpkin. I love pumpkin.'

My mother stared at me. 'Are you still gaining weight? You look so big.'

I unzipped the sweatshirt. 'It's the vest. It's bulky. I was in a hurry and forgot to take it off.'

Everyone gaped.

'What is that thing you're wearing?' Rita wanted to know. 'It like squashes your boobs. It's very unflattering.'

'It's a bullet-proof vest,' Grandma said. 'She's gotta wear one of them on account of she's an important bounty hunter, and there's always people trying to kill her.'

'There's not always people trying to kill her,' Lula said. 'Just sometimes… and this is one of them times,' she added.

'Omigod!' Margaret said.

My mother squelched a groan and made the sign of the cross.