Janet Evanovich - Ten Big Ones

Ranger burst out laughing and coffee sloshed out of his cup onto the table. He put the coffee down and reached for his napkin, trying not to laugh, not having a lot of luck at it.

'Jeez,' I said. 'I think that's the first time I've ever seen you laugh like that.'

There's not a lot to laugh about when you're knee deep in garbage. And that's where we usually operate.' He swiped his napkin across the table, blotting up the coffee spill.

'If you have all this, why do you still do fugitive apprehension?'

'I'm good at it. And someone has to do the job.'

I followed him into his dressing room and watched him open the locked drawer and remove a gun. I was working hard at keeping my eyes focused above his waist, but I was thinking no underwear!

'Do you still have your Slayer hidden away?' he asked.

'Yes.'

'Is he secure?'

'Yes,' I said.

'My day is filled, but we can talk to him tonight. In the meantime, don't have any contact with this guy. Don't feed him. Let him worry.' He clipped the gun to his belt. 'I need the truck. Use one of the Porsches. The keys are in the plate on the sideboard. The communication room and gym are on the fifth floor. Feel free to use the gym. Ella and Louis live on the sixth floor. You can intercom number six if you need anything. She'll be in today to make the bed and clean and pick up laundry. She'll do your laundry if you leave it out for her.' He glanced at his watch again. 'I have a meeting scheduled. I'm assuming you want to live here a while longer?'

'Yes.' I didn't have a lot of good choices.

His mouth curved into the almost-smile. 'You're going to be indebted to me, Babe. You want to start working on that guilt problem.'

Oh boy.

He grabbed me and kissed me, and I felt my toes curl. And I wondered how long it would take me to get him undressed. And just exactly how many minutes did he have before the meeting. I didn't think I needed a lot of time. After all, he wasn't wearing any undies. That would help, right?

'I have to go,' he said. 'I'm late.'

Thank God, he was late. There were no minutes. No time to cheat on Joe. No time to send myself straight to hell. I smoothed the wrinkles from his shirt where my fingers had gripped the material. 'Do you know where the truck is?'

'It's in the garage. I had Tank bring it in last night. All the cars and trucks are equipped with GPS tracking. We always know where they are.'

Great. Really glad I went to the trouble to park two blocks away.

I showered and dressed and left the apartment, being careful not to run into any of the men. I suspected they were also careful not to run into me. The arrangement felt awkward.

I chose the Turbo, parking at the curb when I got to the office, so I could keep an eye on the car. It was one thing to lose a bargain-basement Lincoln; I didn't want to get a bunch of unnecessary holes in Ranger's megabucks Porsche.

'Holy crap,' Lula said, staring out the window at the Porsche. 'Is that Ranger's Turbo?'

'Yes He's back, and he needed the truck, so he gave me the 911. He's going to talk to our friend tonight. He said we shouldn't have any contact with him. And he didn't want us to feed him.'

'Fine by me,' Connie said. I'm not anxious to repeat yesterday's performance.'

'Yeah,' Lula said. That was embarrassing.'

'Anything new on the books?' I asked.

'No, but you have three outstandings,' Connie said. 'Shoshanna Brown, Harold Pancek, and the thumb guy, Jamil Rodriguez. Maybe you want to leave Rodriguez for Ranger.'

'We'll see how it goes,' I said. 'I'm going to pick up Shoshanna Brown this morning.'

Lula looked at me hopefully. 'Need any help?'

'Not with Brown. I've picked her up before. She's usually cooperative.' And to make things even easier, I'd chosen the flashy Turbo. Shoshanna would be at home smoking weed in her rat trap apartment, watching the Travel Channel on her stolen television, and she'd happily trade her freedom for a ride in the Porsche. Shoshanna lived in the projects on the other side of town. I took Hamilton to Olden and wound my way around, avoiding known Slayer territory. I parked in front of Shoshanna's building and called her. Ordinarily, I'd march up to Shoshannas front door and encourage her to come with me in person. If I did that today, alone and in the Porsche, the car would be gone the instant I turned my back.

'Yeah, what?' Shoshanna said, answering the phone.

'Its Stephanie Plum. I want you to look out your front window.'

'This better be good. I'm watching a show on the best bathrooms in Vegas.'

'I came to take you for a ride in Ranger's Turbo.'

'Are you shitting me? The Porsche? You came to pick me up in the Porsche? Hold on. I'll be right out. I just gotta put on some lipstick for my new photo. I've been waiting for you anyway I'm hoping I get sent to the workhouse on account of I got a tooth that's killing me, and they got a good dentist there. I won't have to pay for it or nothing.'

Two minutes later, Shoshanna burst out of her apartment and angled herself into the Porsche. 'Now this is class,' she said. 'I hope some of my neighbors are watching. I don't suppose you could drive me past my friend Latisha Anne's apartment so she could see?'

I drove Shoshanna past Latisha Anne's apartment, Shirelle Marie's apartment, and Lucy Sue's apartment. And then I drove her to jail.

Shoshanna was cuffed to the bench when I left with my paperwork. Thanks,' she said. 'See you next time.'

'You might want to think about staying out of trouble.'

'It's no problema,' she said. 'I only get caught when I need dental.'

Morelli was waiting for me outside. 'Nice car,' he said.

'I borrowed it from Ranger to get Shoshanna. She jumped right in.'

'Clever.'

I was choking on guilt. My throat was dry and my chest was hot.

I could feel sweat beginning to prickle at the roots of my hair. I happen to be excellent at rationalizing away acts of dumbness, but this one had me for a loss. I'd slept with Ranger! Not sexually, of course. But I'd been in his bed. And then there was the evil shower gel. And the kisses. And heaven help me, there'd been desire. A lot of desire.

'It was all because of the shower gel,' I said.

Morelli's eyes narrowed. 'Shower gel?'

I made a major effort not to sigh. 'Long story. You probably don't want to hear it. Out of morbid curiosity, what sort of a relationship do we have?'

It looks to me like we're in the off stage of on again, off again. Or maybe we're still on again… but in a remote sort of way.'

'Suppose I wanted to change it to full-time on again?'

'For starters, you'd have to get a new job. Or even better, no job at all.'

'No job?'

'You could be a housewife,' Morelli said.

Our eyes locked in stunned disbelief that he'd suggested such a thing.

'Okay, maybe not a housewife,' Morelli said.

I sensed a slur on my ability to housewife. 'I could be a housewife if I wanted. I'd be a good one, too.'

'Sure you would,' Morelli said. 'Eventually. Maybe.'

'It's just that I was surprised because marriage is usually a prerequisite to being a housewife.'

'Yeah,' Morelli said. 'Isn't that a frightening thought?'

Lula and Connie had their noses pressed against the front window when I got out of Ranger's Cayenne.

'Where's the Turbo? What happened to the Turbo?' Lula wanted to know. 'You didn't destroy the Turbo, did you?'

I gave Connie the body receipt. 'The Turbo is fine. I swapped it out after I dropped Shoshanna at the police station. It was good for luring Shoshanna out of her house, but it didn't suit my purposes for this afternoon. I thought we'd go looking for Pancek again, and we need a back seat in case we get lucky.'

I was standing with my back to the door, and I saw Connie's eyes go wide.