William Johnston: Get Smart Once Again!

“Dooms,” Noman replied.

“Arthur Dooms. Yes, it’s all coming clear. And this,” he said, rattling the sheet of paper, “is the Dooms Day Plan.”

“Absolutely right.”

“It’s a bit of a letdown,” Max sighed.

“Sorry about that.”

“There’s one thing I still don’t understand,” Max said. “Why did you go to so much trouble to keep the Plan out of our hands?”

“Well, the code is so simple, we thought you’d break it,” Noman replied. “Any kindergarten child could break our code.”

Peaches hauled back a fist. “I’ll slug ’im!”

99 held her back.

“That’s no discredit to you,” Max said to her. “You’re not a kindergarten child.”

“Well… if you put it that way…” Peaches muttered, lowering her fist.

Max addressed Noman again. “Suppose we had broken the code,” he said. “It’s only a menu.”

“Yes, but we thought that if you saw the word ‘watch’ at the end of the Plan you’d know the menu was for a testimonial dinner.”

“What’s so wrong about that?” Max asked, puzzled.

“Think, Max,” Noman said. “What is KAOS’s image?”

“You’re the bad guys.”

“Right. And do bad guys throw testimonial dinners? Hardly. It would destroy our image. We’d be thought of as an organization of sentimentalists-a bunch of softies.”

“Now, I understand,” Max said.

“What do we do now, Max?” 99 asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Max smiled. “We have the means to destroy KAOS for once and all.”

“We do?”

“We’ll publicize this Dooms Day Plan,” Max said. “KAOS’s image will be destroyed, and-what’s an organization of bad guys without its image?”

“That’s marvelous, Max!” 99 said.

“Max! Think before you do that!” Noman pleaded. “Think of all the bad guys you’ll be putting out of work!”

“Sorry. But the guilty will just have to suffer with the innocent,” Max replied. “I’m going to take this Plan to the Chief. I’m sure he’ll agree with me that it should be publicized. I can see the headline now: ‘KAOS Unmasked! Bad Guys Revealed To Be a Bunch of Softies! ’ ”

Noman shuddered.

“Let’s go,” Max said to 99 and Peaches. “I want to get this Plan to the Chief as soon as possible.”

“What about him?” 99 asked, indicating Noman.

“We’ll leave him here-tied up,” Max replied. “It’s the only way we can be sure he won’t make another attempt to get the Dooms Day Plan.”

“Good thinking, Max!” 99 said.

Max, 99 and Peaches left the boat and went to Max’s car. Peaches was the last one to get into the car, and as she did, she slammed the door.

A cannon fired out of the front of the car. The shell passed through one side of the boat and came out the other. Slowly, the boat began to sink.

“Didn’t I warn you about that door!” Max snapped at Peaches.

“Never mind that, Max!” 99 said. “We can’t leave Noman on board the boat. He’ll drown.”

“He’s a bad guy,” Max replied. “That’s what bad guys deserve.”

“Max-that doesn’t sound like you!”

“Oh… all right.”

Max got out of the car and returned to the boat. A few minutes later, he returned. But Noman was not with him.

“He’s not there,” Max said.

“He’s escaped?”

“Apparently so.”

“But, Max,” 99 said, “you had him tied so tightly.”

“Correction,” Max replied. “My guess is that it was his corset that I had tied so tightly. Evidently he slipped out of his corset and

… Well, you’d know more about that than I would.”

“Too bad,” 99 said.

“Yes. We’ll have to keep a sharp lookout,” Max said. “I suspect he’ll try to get the Plan from us. Without the Plan-the evidence in writing-we’d have no proof that the KAOS boys are, in fact, a bunch of softies.”

“We’d better hurry, Max,” 99 said.

Max got behind the wheel, started the engine, and drove off.

“Can you find Control headquarters?” Peaches asked.

“That’s a ridiculous question,” Max said. “Of course, I can-as long as 99 is along to point out the way.”

Not long after that they reached Control headquarters. Max parked the car, and they got out. But as they walked toward the building, Max suddenly put out a hand, stopping Peaches and 99.

“That man-there at the entrance,” Max said. “Doesn’t he look familiar?”

“Of course, Max,” 99 replied. “That’s Agent 44.”

“How do we know that?” Max said. “My guess is that it’s Noman posing as Agent 44.”

“Well…”

“I say no,” Peaches said. “That man doesn’t look anything like Noman.”

“When you’ve been in this business as long as I have, you’ll learn not to trust your own eyes,” Max said. “To quote a well-known KAOS agent, ‘The proof is in the pudding.’ 99, I’ll approach the fellow-whoever he is-pretend to shake hands with him, throw him to the ground, and pin him there-while you frisk him.”

“All right, Max.”

Max approached the man, extending a hand.

The man accepted the hand, threw Max over his shoulder, and pinned him to the ground.

Max looked pained. “44, why did you do that?” he asked.

“Sorry, Max,” 44 replied. “I thought you were Noman posing as Max Smart.”

“Well, I’m not!” Max said, getting up. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d have a little more faith in your own eyes from now on.”

44 saluted. “I’ll try to, sir,” he said.

“All right… see you around, 44.”

“See you around, Max,” 44 replied, disappearing into the building.

“Max, you can stop worrying about Noman now,” 99 said. “We’re safe. We’re home.”

“I suppose you’re right, 99,” Max smiled. “This time, Noman has been outSmarted.” He gestured toward the entrance. “Shall we go see the Chief now?”

They entered the building and made their way along the long corridor of steel doors. When they reached the telephone booth that was in reality a trap door-secret entrance to the lower floors, Max said, “I think we’d better take the stairs. I don’t think we’d all fit in that telephone booth.”

“We could try,” Peaches giggled. “It might be romantic.”

“Get your own secret agent to try it with,” 99 snapped.

They descended by way of the stairs, and, a moment later, reached the door of the Chief’s office. Max knocked.

“Who’s there?”

“Chief-aren’t you forgetting the password?”

“That’s it,” a voice answered. “I ask ‘who’s there?’, and you answer with your name. That’s the password for today.”

“Oh. It’s Max, Chief.”

“I don’t know any Max Chief. Any relation to Max Smart?”

“Chief! This is me-Max Smart.”

“Come in, Max.”

Max opened the door and he and 99 and Peaches entered. The Chief got up from his desk and came to meet them. He was plump and looked a lot like a typical Chief.

“I’ll take the Plan, Max,” the Chief said.

Max halted. “Just a minute, Chief. There’s a story that goes with it.”

“You can tell me the story later, Max. Right now, Just give me the Plan.”

“Chief, the story is very important,” Max said. “I insist that you listen to the story first. Otherwise, you won’t know what to do with the Plan.”

The Chief sighed. “All right, Max, what’s the story?”

“Well, I was born in a little log- No, that’s a different story. The way this story begins is…”

Max proceeded to tell the Chief exactly what had happened after he and Peaches had left him early that morning. He didn’t leave out a single detail.

“That’s fine, Max,” the Chief said when Max finished. “It was a fascinating story. Now, give me the Plan.”