William Johnston - Max Smart and the Perilous Pellets

“Well, live and learn!” Max shouted back. “Try again with something else!”

“I’ll throw a rope,” Lance Chalfont replied.

“Throw away! But, first, tie the other end to something!”

“Gotcha, boy!”

Lance Chalfont disappeared from the opening for a moment, then reappeared, holding a coil of rope. He tossed it out the doorway.

Max caught the rope, and pulled, testing his weight against it. The rope gave. A picnic basket came through the opening, fell through the air, struck Max a glancing blow on the head, then disappeared below the surface.

“Let me guess what you tied the rope to,” Max shouted.

“Did I do somethin’ wrong, boy?”

“Get another rope,” Max called. “Tie it to something that’s anchored down. Tie it to a seat!”

“I’ll tie it to your seat!” Lance Chalfont shouted back. “If I’m gonna lose a seat, I don’t want it to be mine. That’s how us silent birdmen fly, you know, by our seats.”

“We’re drowning!” Max bellowed. “Hurry!”

“Gotcha, boy!”

Lance Chalfont disappeared from sight once more. Then a second later he reappeared and tossed a second rope out the opening.

Max tested it and found it firm.

“Lady secret agents first,” Max said, passing the rope to 99.

Minutes later, they reboarded the helicopter.

“Get your pea planted?” Lance Chalfont asked.

“Indeed we did,” Max smiled. “Now, on to the next destination. Which is-” He opened the black satchel and got out a sheaf of papers. “-the KAOS training school in Switzerland,” he announced. “Lance, do you think you can find Switzerland?”

“Sure. That’s that place with them tall prairies.”

“Mountains, you mean.”

“Is that what they’re called? No wonder they didn’t know what I was talkin’ about that day I came draggin’ back to the airport without my airplane! I told ’em I’d hit a tall prairie. They looked at me like I had my ailerons on backwards. I guess we just wasn’t communicatin’.”

“That was probably it,” Max nodded.

“Well, here goes nothin’!” Lance Chalfont beamed, swinging the helicopter in the direction in which he guessed Switzerland might be.

“Max, shouldn’t you report in?” 99 asked.

“Good idea, 99.”

Max took off his shoe, poured ocean water from it, then dialed.

Operator: Max! Stop it!

Max (puzzledly): What did I do, Operator?

Operator: You got water all over me! It came pouring out of my receiver!

Max: Sorry about that, Operator. Will you connect me with the Chief now, please?

Operator: This is a $7.95 dress! It’s ruined!

Max: I’ll buy you a new dress, Operator.

Operator: With what? You can’t even collect your overtime. They still owe you a $1.74, you know.

Max: All right, Operator. Put it on the bill-on Control’s bill.

Chief: I heard that, Max. You’re not authorized to put dresses on the phone bill.

Max: Then how about this, Chief? The Operator can charge her new dress to our phone bill, and when I get back to Headquarters, you can inform me that charging dresses to the phone bill is not allowed, and that you’re going to take it out of my salary.

Chief: That may be the solution, Max. Operator, how does that sound to you?

Operator: I’ll do it. So don’t be surprised when you see a charge for a $20 dress on your phone bill.

Max: $20 dress, Operator? You said it was a $7.95 dress.

Operator: $12.05 for mental anguish. I’m sitting here in a wet dress.

Max: Oh.

Chief: Do you have anything to report, Max?

Max: Yes, Chief, I can report that 99 and I have successfully planted the second explosive. And, we are now on our way to the KAOS training school to plant the third explosive. How’s that for action, Chief?

Chief: Not quite good enough, Max. The KAOS agent has already planted his second and third explosive and is on his way to the fourth installation.

Max (chagrined): Are you sure, Chief?

Chief: Well, a KAOS agent was seen slipping away from our undersea weapons arsenal and our training school.

Max: But are you positive that he’s headed for our fourth installation? Maybe he’ll stop for lunch.

Chief: That’s possible, Max. Maybe you and 99 can skip lunch, and, in that way, catch up.

Max: Fine. That fits right in, Chief. It just so happens that Lance Chalfont threw the picnic basket into the ocean, anyway.

Chief: Good luck, Max!

Max: Thank you, Chief.

Operator: And, Max, take care of our shoe. Don’t step on any tall prairies.

Max hung up.

“Thar she blows!” Lance Chalfont cried.

Max and 99 looked out the front window. “Yes, that’s it, that’s the KAOS training school, all right,” Max said.

Below, situated on a mountain peak, they saw a complex of ivy-covered stone buildings, surrounded by a high stone wall. They could see KAOS student agents moving about on the grounds.

“Sure surprises me,” Lance Chalfont said. “You take a training school, a fella expects to see a lot of trains. Where you suppose they keep ’em? Downstairs?”

“I think you’re attaching the wrong meaning to the term ‘train,’ ” Max said. “In this case, train means to instruct. At this school, young men are trained-or instructed-in the methods used by KAOS. When they graduate, they are fully trained KAOS agents. Now, do you understand?”

“Just about,” Lance Chalfont replied. “There’s just one thing I don’t get. Where do they keep the trains?”

“Downstairs, I suspect,” Max replied. He turned to 99. “Well, somehow we have to infiltrate that school,” he said, “But, first, we have to get over the wall. And since we left our collapsible pole back there in the desert, we are faced with a bit of a sticky wicket. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Couldn’t Lance Chalfont land us inside?” 99 said.

“Too noisy,” Max replied. “We would be bound to attract attention.”

“We could glide in,” Lance Chalfont said. “To glide, what you do is, you just turn off the engine and glide.”

“That’s an idea,” Max replied. “That would be quiet, anyway.”

“They don’t call me the silent birdman for nothin’,” Lance Chalfont said.

Max pointed. “See that clear space behind that large building?” he said to Lance Chalfont. “Could you glide the helicopter down into that space?”

“Don’t rightly know,” Lance Chalfont replied. “I never glided this crate before. Every time I turned off the engine and tried to glide it just fell right smack-kaboom right out of the sky.”

“Like a rock?” Max asked.

“Yup. Just like a wounded rock.”

“In that case, we better think of something else,” Max said.

“Max, why don’t we parachute?” 99 said.

“Wait a minute! I just had an idea!” Max said. “We’ll parachute!”

“Max-that’s clever!” 99 applauded.

Max and 99 put on parachutes, then stood in the open doorway.

“Hover directly over that clear space behind that large building,” Max said to Lance Chalfont. “We don’t want to land among the students. They might suspect something.”

“I’m hoverin’,” Lance replied.

“Now!” Max cried.

Lance Chalfont tipped the helicopter and Max and 99 tumbled out and hurtled toward the ground. A moment later their chutes opened.

As they floated leisurely downward, side by side, Max opened the black satchel.

“Let’s see what the old fact sheet has to say,” he said, getting out a sheaf of papers.

“Max, I don’t think we’re going to land in that clear space,” 99 said, looking down.

“Oh, we’ll hit it all right,” Max replied, looking at the fact sheet. “Let’s see now… it says here that the KAOS training school is operated by The Professor. He-”