William Johnston - Max Smart and the Perilous Pellets

“It’s too late,” 99 replied. “I’ve been a female all my life.”

“He means have the identification paper changed,” Max said.

“No, that wasn’t what I meant,” the guard said. “But that’s probably a better idea than what I had in mind.” He handed the identification papers back to Max and 99. “Pass Macy and Gimbel,” he said.

Max and 99 entered the school grounds. Instantly, they were set upon by a dozen or more young men who were wearing red and white striped jackets. In the lapels of the jackets were round metal buttons that identified the young men as “Senior” students.

“You two are freshmen, aren’t you?” the leader of the seniors asked.

“That’s right. This is our first day at the school,” Max replied.

“Then you better start out right, obeying the rules,” the leader said. “The first rule is: Whenever you see a senior, snap to attention and turn your pockets inside-out.”

“That’s an excellent rule,” Max said. “I’m sure it’s based on careful consideration and sound judgment-even if it does sound a little idiotic.”

“Actually, it’s very sensible,” the leader said. “When you turn your pockets inside-out, all the money falls on the ground. We pick it up. That’s the way we support the Senior Fun.”

“Senior Fund, you mean,” Max corrected. “Like the Community Fund.. a charity.”

“Not exactly,” the leader said. “The Senior Fun is used to finance the seniors when they go into town for a little fun.” He held out a hand. “Cough up.”

Max reached into his pocket, got out a dollar, and dropped it into the hand.

99 did the same.

“Carry on!” the leader commanded.

Max and 99 proceeded, heading toward what looked like the administration building.

“Now then,” Max said, “all we have to do is find some place to plant the explosive, then we can turn around and march right back out the gate.”

“There doesn’t seem to be any place handy, Max.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll find-”

A second group of young men came pouring out of the administration building. They were led by a young man with a crew-cut and an exceptionally serious-looking expression. Suddenly spotting Max and 99 he halted the group, then approached them.

“I’m Frank Sadwell,” he said, glowering. “I’m the senior freshman. Aren’t you two freshmen, too?”

Max introduced himself and 99 using their assumed names. “We were just on the way to the administration building to plant a… that is, to register,” Max said.

“You can do that later,” Sadwell snapped. “Right now, all freshmen are due at the auditorium. We’re to hear The Professor’s welcoming address.”

“Yes, that’s what I said, we were on our way to the auditorium to hear The Professor’s welcoming address,” Max said.

“Fall in!” Frank Sadwell barked.

Max and 99 joined the group, then Sadwell marched it off toward the auditorium.

“We’ll probably find some place along the way to plant the explosive,” Max said to 99.

“Careful, Max. That Frank Sadwell is watching you. I think he’s suspicious.”

“Impossible,” Max said. “Our cover identities are perfect.”

Sadwell dropped back to the rear of the formation, alongside Max and 99. “Have we met before?” he said suspiciously to Max. “You look familiar to me.”

“Do you spend much time in Miami Beach?” Max asked.

“Never been there.”

“Then maybe that’s it,” Max said. “I haven’t either.”

“It’s your face,” Sadwell said, his eyes narrowing. “Somewhere, I’ve seen it before.”

“It must have been right where it is now,” Max replied. “It doesn’t move around much.”

“A picture. I think I’ve seen a picture of you.”

“In my high school class year book, maybe?”

“I don’t read year books,” Sadwell replied curtly. “My reading is limited to ‘Wanted’ posters. I try to keep up on the identities of all the Control agents. That’s how I got into this school. I got a scholarship for superior ‘Wanted’ poster knowledge.”

“Well, you couldn’t have seen my picture on a ‘Wanted’ poster,” Max pointed out. “If I were a Control agent, what would I be doing at a KAOS school? Control has a training school of its own, you know. Simple loyalty to the organization would demand that I take my training there.”

Sadwell thought about that for a moment, then, without commenting, he moved back to the head of the formation.

“Max, I don’t think he was convinced,” 99 said.

“Of course he was. Simple logic does it every time. His doubts have been completely laid to rest.”

“If you say so, Max.”

They marched into the auditorium, then, at Sadwell’s command they seated themselves.

A moment later, a crotchety-looking old man hobbled out onto the stage. He peered over his spectacles at the freshmen. Then he spoke. “My name, as you probably know, is Professor,” he said. “My first name is The. But, you may call me The Professor. While you are here at the KAOS training school, I will be father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin and nephew to you. And if you step out of line, I will treat you just like a father, mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin or nephew would do. I will spank you soundly and send you to bed without dessert.”

There were cheers-and a few tears-from the freshmen.

“Are there any questions?” The Professor asked.

A freshman rose. “What’s for dessert tonight?” he queried.

“You’ll never know, young man,” The Professor replied. “For questioning me, you will be sent to bed without dessert. Now, are there any more questions?”

There were no more questions.

“You’re a bright group,” The Professor smiled. “A group that asks no questions is obviously a group that knows all the answers. Now,” he continued, “we will leave the auditorium and I will take you on a tour of the classrooms.”

The Professor hobbled down off the stage, then hobbled toward the doorway.

Frank Sadwell called the group to attention. Then he marched the freshmen off behind The Professor.

“99, look for a place to plant the explosive,” Max whispered.

“Max, there just isn’t any place out here on the grounds. We’ll have to wait until we get inside.”

Max sighed. “That means we’ll have to listen to a stuffy lecture.”

“Maybe we’ll be lucky, Max. Maybe we’ll find a place to plant the explosive before we get to the classroom.”

With The Professor still hobbling along in front, the freshmen entered another building.

“Max! Look!” 99 said. “Up ahead. There’s a table. And on the table is a bowl of flowers.”

“Yes. Very nice,” Max replied. “Daisies, aren’t they?”

“What I mean is, Max, you can drop the explosive into the vase.”

“Good thinking, 99.”

As the group approached the table, Max reached into the black satchel and got out a pellet.

At that very moment, however, The Professor came abreast of the table. “Halt!” he croaked.

The group stopped.

“Goldenrod!” The Professor raged, indicating the flowers in the vase. “Goldenrod is terrible for my hay fever!”

Frank Sadwell rushed up, lifted the vase from the table, then smashed it on the floor. “Frank Sadwell, senior freshman, at your service, sir!” he saluted.

The Professor smiled toothily. “I like you, Sadwell,” he said. “You smash a nice vase.”

Sadwell saluted again. “My only desire is to serve you faithfully, sir!”

“From now on,” The Professor said, “you can call me ‘The’.”

Once more, Sadwell saluted. Then, with The Professor still in the lead, the group proceeded.