William Johnston - Missed It By That Much!

“Scratch that ‘saved,’ ” Max said gloomily.

The snorting and the pounding of the hippo was getting closer.

“Oh, Max!” 99 wailed. “A mad hippo behind us, and a river of crocodiles ahead of us! What can we do?”

“Don’t worry, 99,” Max said. “We have our trustworthy, dependable, highly-experienced jungle guide to protect us. Hassan, what are we going to do?”

“Well, as I see it,” Hassan said, “we have three choices. We can stop at the river’s edge and be eaten by the hippo. Or we can jump into the river and be eaten by the crocodiles. Or-”

“Yes?” Max said anxiously.

“Or, we can split up,” Hassan said. “You and 99 can jump into the river and be eaten by the crocodiles, and I can stop at the river’s edge and be eaten by the hippopotamus.”

“I suppose that’s better than nothing,” Max said.

“Max! Think of something!” 99 wept.

“I have it!” Max said. “Now, listen carefully. When we reach the edge of the river, we’ll stop-suddenly-and side-step the hippo. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Max,” 99 said. “That’s a wonderful plan. The hippo will charge right on past us. He’ll plunge into the river, then we can turn and run the other way.”

“Right, so far, 99,” Max said. “But there’s more to it. We want to cross that river-right? But it’s crawling with ferocious, man-eating crocodiles-right? So, how do we get across the river?”

“Take the ferry?” Hassan guessed.

“I don’t think we can count on that, Hassan. No, here’s what we’ll do. We’ll side-step the hippo, then, as he charges by us, we’ll leap on his back. He’ll plunge into the river, taking us with him. And, he’ll ferry us to the other side.”

“That’s what I said-take the ferry. See? You can always depend on your trustworthy, dependable, experienced jungle guide.”

“See, 99?” Max said. “I told you Hassan would save us.”

“Attention!” Hassan said. “We’re only a few steps from the river. Remember, now-do exactly as I told you!”

A second later, the three reached the bank of the river. As one, they braked themselves, coming to a sudden halt. Then, when the hippo reached them, they jumped onto its back. And the hippo, carried forward by its own momentum, plunged into the river. High and dry aboard the hippo, they skimmed through the water toward the opposite shore.

“Congratulations, Hassan,” Max said. “That was a crackerjack plan!”

“It was nothing,” Hassan smiled modestly. “Only magnificent.”

“Those crocodiles!” 99 shuddered. “I’m glad they can’t get at us.”

“Don’t worry, 99. Those crocodiles wouldn’t dare attack this hippo. We’re as safe here as we would be on the deck of a battleship. Hassan has thought of everything.”

“I’m efficient,” Hassan agreed.

Without warning, the three suddenly found themselves floundering around in the water. The hippo was no longer beneath them.

“Max! It submerged!” 99 cried.

“I’m not surprised!” Hassan said. “It was a crazy plan in the first place-doomed to failure. Only a secret agent would think of a lousy plan like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Max said. “But it seemed logical at the time.”

“Max! The crocodiles are closing in!” 99 wailed.

“Rule 17!” Max shouted. “Run first, think later!”

“Max, we’re in the middle of a river! We can’t run!”

“99, don’t be picky. Nobody likes a picky secret agent.”

“Max-the plastic spray! Use the spray, Max! Spray us a raft!”

“Excellent idea, 99!”

“You’re lucky you’ve got a trustworthy, dependable, experienced jungle guide along to think of it,” Hassan said.

“Don’t think I’m not thanking my lucky stars,” Max replied.

He sprayed a film of plastic on the surface of the water. It hardened instantly, becoming a makeshift raft. And, quickly, Max, 99 and Hassan climbed aboard, just in time to escape the crocodiles.

“Whew!” Hassan breathed. “That was close-but I did it again.”

“Brilliant,” Max said. “We’re as safe here as we would be on the deck of a battleship.”

“Max, that’s what you said before-just before the battleship turned into a submarine,” 99 pointed out.

“That was different, 99. This plastic can’t possibly sink. In just a very few moments we’ll reach the other side of the river.”

“I doubt it, Max.”

“Don’t be a doubting secret agent, 99. Nobody-”

“But, Max, look. The current is carrying the raft downstream. We’ll never get to the other side.”

“And the river runs into the sea,” Hassan said morosely. “We’ll be swept into the ocean. We’ll drown. That’s what we get for putting our lives in the hands of a crazy secret agent.”

“Let’s not lose hope,” Max said stoutly. “I’ve always found it to be the case that, in situations like this, when all seems lost, something always happens to alter the course of events.”

“Max. . listen. . do you hear that?” 99 said. “A roaring sound.”

“You’re right, 99. I wonder what it could be?”

Hassan clapped a hand to his brow in agony. “A waterfall!”

“Oh, Max! The raft will go over the falls! We’ll be crushed!”

“Didn’t I tell you, 99? See? Something always happens to change the course of events. And you were worried about being swept out to sea!”

“Max, this is worse! There’s no escape!”

“99, you’re misinterpreting what I said. I only said that something always happens to change the course of events-I didn’t say that the course of events always changes for the better. Sometimes it’s for the worse.”

“Oh, Max, what does that matter now? We’re going to die!”

“Not necessarily, 99. I’ve always found it to be the case that, in situations like this, when all seems lost-”

“What, Max?” 99 screamed. “Don’t preach to me! Tell me! What, Max?”

“Well, for instance-see that bridge up there.”

99 turned and looked downstream. “Max! You’re right! A bridge!”

“Yiii! I was losing faith in myself,” Hassan said. “But I guess I pulled the old chestnuts out of the fire again.”

“As I was saying,” Max went on, “that bridge is low enough that, when the raft reaches it, we can jump up and grab hold of the span and pull ourselves to safety.”

“It looks sort of rickety, Max,” 99 said. “Will it hold us?”

“We’ll soon know, 99. Get ready to jump.”

The three crouched, preparing to leap into the air.

“When I say ‘three!’ ” Max said.

At that moment there was a ringing sound.

“Somebody get the door,” Hassan said.

“No, Hassan, that’s my-”

“Forget it, Max!” 99 said. “We’re almost to the bridge.”

“You’re right. Okay? Get set! One! Two!”

Again, the ringing sound was heard.

“99, I can’t just ignore it. There’s something about a ringing telephone that-”

“Three, Max!”

At the signal, they leaped-and caught hold of the lower span of the bridge.

“99, why did you do that!” Max complained. “Listen. . the ringing has stopped. I may have missed a very important call.”

“Max, if I hadn’t yelled ‘three,’ you’d be dead now.”

“Maybe so. But I wouldn’t be wondering who was calling. That’s a terrible thing to carry through life with you, 99-wondering who was calling.”

“Max, if it was important, whoever it was will call back.”

“I hope so. And soon, too, I hope. I won’t be able to think about anything else until I find out who it was.”

Max, 99 and Hassan pulled themselves up onto the bridge. It swayed precariously under their weight.

“The raft is gone-over the falls,” 99 said, looking over the railing.