William Johnston - Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

“That’s terrible,” Max said sympathetically.

“You think that’s bad? The victim ended up even worse. He’s still locked in the safe. And that was back in the winter of ’61.”

“That was a big winter for strange occurrences,” Max said.

The young man saluted with the pistol. “Well, you think about what you want to do with that window, and I’ll be back-”

He did not finish the statement. All of a sudden, he shot straight up into the air. His head cracked against the ceiling of the cell, then he became limp, unconscious. Looking under the young man, Max and 99 saw the cause of his sudden accident. Madame DuBarry, the mule, had materialized beneath him, thrusting him suddenly upward. The young man, knocked senseless, was now seated on the mule’s back.

“What timing!” Max said admiringly. “If you’d been ten seconds later, he’d have got away.” He picked up the pistol that had dropped to the floor when the young man had abruptly lost consciousness. “I even forgive you for eating all the food,” he said to Madame DuBarry. “Or was that you who ate it? Is your master, the old prospector, around anywhere?”

“Max, you’ll never get anything out of that mule,” 99 said. “Forget about him. Let’s get out of here. Since the KAOS assassins will be at the bank, that will give us time to search the saloon and find the Coolidge-head penny.”

“You’re right, 99! Let’s go!”

“Max. . what about the young man?”

“He’s very nice, 99. He has a lot of personality. But I really don’t think he’ll help us find that penny. Once a KAOS assassin, always a KAOS assassin. He’s on the other side.”

“I mean we can’t just leave him here like this-sitting on a mule. He’ll regain consciousness and get down off the mule and tell Arbuthnot that we’ve escaped.”

“Right!”

Max pulled the young man down off the mule’s back and put him on the cot. Then he took the key from him. “Outside,” he said to 99 and Madame DuBarry. When they were all on the other side of the cell door, Max locked it. “Anything else?” he said to 99.

She shook her head. “Perfect, Max.”

“Good. Now, up on the mule, 99.”

“Up on the mule, Max?”

“Trust me, 99.”

“Max, I do trust you. But it seems to me that if I can trust you, then you ought to be just as willing to explain to me.”

“I can see the fairness of that,” Max nodded. “What I have in mind, you see, 99, is the possibility that Arbuthnot will miss this young assassin when he doesn’t return. If that happens, he’ll probably send somebody to look for him. And the somebody he sends will find out that we’ve escaped. Well, the first thing he’ll do is look for tracks. And he’ll find our tracks in the dusty street and he’ll know that we’re in the saloon. But, if we leave here on the mule, all he’ll find is the mule’s tracks. He’ll never guess that there were two Control agents on top of the mule.”

“Max, that’s brilliant!”

“Thank you for being so frank, 99. Now. . up on the mule.”

99 got aboard Madame DuBarry. Then Max climbed up and sat behind her.

“Mush!” Max commanded, speaking to the mule.

Madame DuBarry did not move.

“That’s for sled dogs, I think, Max,” 99 said.

“I know that, 99. What I don’t know is the command for mules. So, I used the command that seemed most appropriate. And there’s no need, 99, for you to be frank and tell me there’s no connection between sled dogs and mules.”

“This doesn’t seem to be working, Max. He’s just standing.”

“Giddyap!” Max ordered.

The mule remained immobile.

“I hate to resort to violence,” Max said, “but-” He reached back and gave the mule a sound slap on the hindquarters.

Madame DuBarry snorted indignantly, then switched his tail-and disappeared.

Max and 99, deprived of their mount, crashed to the floor.

Max and 99 picked themselves from the floor of the jail, where they had landed when Madame DuBarry, the mule, had disappeared.

“The poor thing,” 99 said. “The way he comes and goes, I guess he has no control at all over when he appears and disappears.”

Max dusted himself off. “If you want to believe that, 99, you may,” he said. “But it’s my guess that that mule knows exactly what it’s doing. Why is it that- Whooooooooops!”

Max was suddenly lifted off his feet and thrust upward. His head cracked against the ceiling. The mule had abruptly reappeared beneath him, and now he was seated precariously astride its neck.

“Max! Are you all right?” 99 cried fearfully.

“Yes. .” Max replied, rubbing his skull, looking pained. “Don’t ask me about the mule, though. I think I would be wise, from now on, to withhold comment on all animals. Unfortunately, I seem to be able to communicate with them.”

“Well. . at least, he’s back, Max. Now, we can follow through on your plan to ride him to the saloon. And, you’re already on his back-so, in a way, his sudden reappearance was a blessing.”

“99, stop looking at the bright side. There are times when looking at the bright side is harder to take than getting batted against the ceiling by a reappearing mule. Now, get up here with me, and- 99, what are you looking at?”

99 had gone to the doorway and opened the door a crack. She was peeping out. “I thought I caught a glimpse of movement out the window,” she replied, keeping her voice low. “It was Arbuthnot and the other assassins. They’re leaving the hotel!”

“Don’t tell me they’re coming over here!” Max said.

“No, they’re not.”

“You’re a good wife, 99. I told you not to tell me that, and you didn’t. I just wish I could get that kind of cooperation from the KAOS agents. Do you suppose if I married- No, nevermind. . Where is Arbuthnot going?”

“They seem to be headed. . Yes, they’re going into the bank, Max,” 99 reported.

“That fits in with what that assassin who brought our breakfast to us told us,” Max said. “The morning meeting is being held in the back. That’s perfect! It will give us plenty of time to search the saloon for the Coolidge-head penny. What’s happening now, 99?”

“The last one just entered the bank, Max. Now, the door is closing. I think it’s safe for us to leave.”

“Good. Open the door, 99, so the mule can get out. Then hop up here behind me.”

99 opened the door. Immediately, the mule began moving. He strolled through the doorway and across the porch-with 99 alongside, trying to mount.

“Hop up, 99!”

“I can’t, Max. He won’t stop.”

“Then skip!”

“I can’t do that, either.”

The mule ambled down the porch steps, then out into the street.

“Jump up, 99!”

“Max, I can’t hop up, I can’t skip up, and I can’t jump up. As long as he’s moving, there isn’t any way I can get on him.”

“But, 99, you’re leaving tracks in the dust!”

“I can’t help it, Max!”

The mule, having reached the saloon, strolled up onto the porch, then halted.

Max looked back. “99, why did you tell me you couldn’t hop, skip or jump? Look back there! Beside every mule track, there is a hop, skip and jump track.”

“Max, I didn’t say I couldn’t hop, skip or jump. I said I couldn’t hop, skip or jump up. That ‘up’ makes a lot of difference.”

Max got down from the mule. He looked back at the tracks again. “Well. . maybe those hop, skip and jump tracks will confuse Arbuthnot,” he said. “He probably won’t associate them with us. Just looking at us, neither one of us looks like a hopper, skipper and jumper. He’ll probably think the mule was accompanied by a drunken jack rabbit.”