William Johnston - Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

“I guess you better start hoping you were wrong about me not being magic, then,” the conductor said. “See you later-maybe.”

“Wait!” Max cried.

There was no response.

“He’s gone, Max,” 99 said dismally. “What are we going to do now?”

“Don’t panic, 99,” Max said calmly. “As I see it, we have several choices. We can use sound waves. Or we can use magic. Or we can die a horrible death. Now, as for the use of sound waves- Or, on the other hand, magic can be- Isn’t it funny, 99, how the first reaction so often turns out to be the correct reaction? You were right to panic.”

“If we only had a light-” 99 said. “I can’t see a thing. But this mine tunnel must lead somewhere. Why don’t we try following it in the dark, Max?”

“Because we’d lose it,” Max replied. “You know how impossible it is to shadow in the dark, 99. No, our best bet is to stay right here and try to do something about that rock slide in front of the entrance. Do you have a match?”

“No, Max.”

“Well, I guess I’ll have to use my lighter, then,” Max said.

A moment later, a small flame appeared in the darkness.

Max handed the lighter to 99. “Hold this,” he said. “I think I have some escape gadgets in my pockets. I picked up a handful the other day when I was in Research amp; Development. It’s a rare occasion when an escape gadget won’t come in handy. I’m always getting locked in closets and bath- Ah! Here’s something,” he said, extracting a pellet-like device from his trousers pocket. He read the instructions on the tag attached to the device. “ ‘Crush pellet in keyhole. Stand back. Stick fingers in ears.’ Well, that doesn’t seem too difficult,” he said. “Evidently the powder you get when you crush the pellet explodes, blowing the door right off its. . Mmmmmm. . we don’t seem to have a door, do we? No matter how you look at it, there’s just no keyhole in that rock slide.” He dropped the pellet to the floor of the tunnel. “Absolutely useless.”

“Max-”

“Don’t say it, 99! I know-not only is it littering to drop a pellet on a tunnel floor, but it’s also-in this case-dangerous. Somebody could come along and step on it and crush it and-and POW! But, don’t worry. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen. I’ll get rid of it.” He put his foot on the pellet and crushed it. “Now, there’s no danger that somebody will come along and step on it and- Oh-oh!”

“Max!”

Max and 99 raced deeper into the tunnel. They stopped. They stuck their fingers in their ears. A second later there was a tremendous explosion. When the dust cleared, they walked back to the entrance to the tunnel. The rock slide was still in place. Now, however, there was a gigantic hole in front of the entrance.

“Max. . if you’d crushed that pellet on the rock slide-”

“Don’t be a Monday morning quarterback, 99,” Max said. “Nobody likes a secret agent and wife who’s a Monday morning quarterback.” He dug into his pocket again. “Instead of casting the first stone, let’s light a little candle in the darkness and see what else we have,” he said. “Well. . what have we here. .” He held up a device that looked like a skeleton key. “I don’t believe it!” he said. “R amp; D must still be living in the Dark Ages. Imagine. In this day of laser beams and space travel and organ transplants, they still classify an old-time skeleton key as an escape device. Not only is it ridiculous, it’s useless, too.” He tossed the device into the darkness.

“Max,” 99 began, “don’t you think-”

There was a glow of light from the direction in which Max had thrown the key.

“That glow looks very familiar,” Max said.

“I think you really should have read the instructions on the key, first, Max,” 99 said.

“Who needs instructions to operate a skeleton key?”

“Maybe it wasn’t-”

“I know!” Max said. “That’s the glow of a laser beam. 99, that key isn’t a key, it’s a laser beam! Good old R amp; D! They disguised-”

The glow faded.

Carrying the lighter, Max made his way through the darkness to where the key had landed. He picked it up and read the instructions that were still attached to it. Then he tossed the key away again.

“Yes, Max. . what?” 99 said.

“Good old R amp; D booted it again,” Max informed her. “They designed a laser to look like a skeleton key. Nobody would read the instructions to a skeleton key to find out that it was a laser.”

“But can’t it still be used, Max?”

“The battery is dead,” Max replied. “That’s another goof. They should have designed it as a wind-up laser.” He started going through his pockets again. “Well, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try-”

Max was interrupted by a sudden blinding flash. Automaticaly, he and 99 threw up their arms to protect their eyes. A moment later, when they looked, they were startled to find that they were no longer alone. Standing before them was a grizzled old man with a heavy beard. He was wearing rough clothes and boots and holding a lantern. And beside him was a scraggly-looking mule, that had a pack and a pick and shovel strapped to its back.

“Howdy,” the old man said. “If you’re lost and looking for the way back, it’s right through that pile of rocks.”

Max and 99 looked at the rocks that were still piled in the entrance.

“How did you get in here?” Max asked.

“I materialized-that’s the technical term,” the old man replied. “If you want my opinion, though, it’s magic.” He frowned. “I guess you don’t recognize who I am,” he said. “I’m the resident ghost in this here ghost town. You can’t have a ghost town without you have a ghost, can you? Years and years ago, I was a prospector in these hyar hills. But I got caught in this tunnel and sealed in by a rock slide-just like that rock slide that’s blocking the door right now. Well. . it turned out to be fatal. So, now I’m a ghost.”

“That’s a lit-tle bit hard to believe,” Max said. “How about that mule? Don’t tell me the mule is a ghost, too.”

“The mule’s a ghost, too,” the old prospector said.

“I believe I asked you not to tell me that. But, now that you have, you might as well know that I refuse to believe it. I can accept the idea of a ghost prospector. But a ghost mule?”

The old prospector raised the lantern. “If you can believe in a ghost lantern, you ought to be able to believe in a ghost mule,” he said.

“He’s got a point there,” Max said to 99. He faced back to the prospector. “All right, for the time being, I’ll accept the possibility of a ghost prospector, ghost mule and ghost lantern. But what are you doing here in this tunnel? If you had a fatal accident here, I’d think you’d want to get out. That shouldn’t be any trouble for a ghost.”

“This is the tunnel to the mine,” the old prospector explained. “My mule and me, we’re doomed to haunt this town and this mine until we find the lost vein of gold.”

“Oh, really? Why is that?” Max asked, interested.

“Don’t ask me,” the old prospector shrugged. “I don’t make up the rules. All I know is, I had that fatal accident here in the tunnel a long, long time ago, and when I got up to the pearly gates there was this fella there, and he said to me, ‘Where’s the gold?’ Well, I told him I was still looking for it when I suddenly took sick with that fatal accident. So, he says to me, ‘Go back and get the gold, you butterhead. And don’t come knocking around the gates ’til you find it.’ ”

Max looked skeptical. “Is that all he said?”

“No. He said to get rid of the mule before I came back, too.”

“Oh. . that’s too bad,” 99 said sympathetically.