Doug Allyn - Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine. Vol. 134, No. 5. Whole No. 819, November 2009

“There are no more—”

But Nancy coughed again. “I think almond champagne counts as a trick.” She coughed again. “And one in very poor taste.”

“Nancy?” Brett said. “Nancy?”

Lorelei said, “Are you all right?”

“No,” Nancy gasped. “No... Not...” And before them all she thrashed about and then tipped her chair over backwards.

There was a silence in the room. It was broken only when Victoria said, “Ah. Ah. I get it. It’s a joke.”

“What?” voices asked.

“Nancy is exacting her revenge. She was taken in by Andrew’s performance, so now we get this. Very funny, Nancy. Very dramatic, which is no more than we’d expect from you. But I hope you haven’t broken the chair, because it cost a fortune and you’ll bloody well pay for it if you have.”

Again there was silence. No one moved. Including Nancy.

“Enough’s enough,” Victoria said. “Come back to life and let’s get dinner started. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m famished.”

Brett, across from Nancy’s place, stood and said, “Nancy?”

Lorelei, next to her, said, “She’s not moving.”

Victoria said, “Grimm?”

Grimm, who had been standing behind Andrew’s empty chair, crouched down where Nancy lay. He felt for a pulse and then turned to his employer. “It’s no joke, Ms. Victoria. Ms. Nancy is dead.”

“Nancy! Nancy!” Brett cried. He rushed around the table.

“Try mouth-to-mouth, Grimm,” Victoria said.

“I’ll do it,” Brett said and he knelt by Nancy’s body. “Give me some room.”

“That might not be such a good idea, Brett,” Lorelei said. “If hydrogen cyanide gas from her stomach—”

“What does it matter if it saves her life?”

“There’s no point, Mr. Brett,” Grimm said. “Ms. Nancy is gone.”

Brett was distraught. Nancy was the love of his life. He was sure this time. He turned to Victoria. “Is this some twisted joke-on-a-joke gone wrong, Victoria? Something you and Nancy hatched up together?” His tears followed as Victoria’s face made it clear that nothing like this was ever in her plans.

Grimm put his arm around the young actor’s shoulders. “The lady is beyond our help, sir.”

“Oh God! Nancy!” Brett was in despair.

“This is awful,” Victoria said.

“Yes, awful,” Lorelei agreed. She shook her head, visibly moved by events.

“Our series director murdered at a company dinner?” Victoria said. “The scandal will kill Frankie Almond stone dead.”

Lorelei was shocked. “Are you really thinking about a silly television series at a time like this? Are you really so hard?”

“What would be hard,” Victoria said, “is for a wonderful opportunity to be killed just because one of you wanted to settle a petty grievance.”

But Brett was having none of it. “What do you mean, one of us? You’re the one who was jealous of Nancy because I fell out of love with you and in love with her. You are entirely capable of setting this whole thing up as an elaborate cover.”

“Me risk Frankie Almond for a man? A man? ” Victoria could hardly believe what she was being accused of. “Give me strength. Men — especially young and silly ones — are sixpence a dozen, sweetie. That’s a dime to you. My relationship with Andrew proves that.”

Brett had nothing to say, but Lorelei asked, “Where is Andrew?”

“Yes, Grimm,” Victoria said, “where is the little rat?”

“Waiting in the living room to be called back in, I presume, Ms. Victoria. Excuse me, but shall I call the police now?”

“The police? Oh Lord, do we have to? Can’t we just agree, say, that she killed herself by accident?”

“It can hardly be an accident when Ms. Nancy is exhibiting all the signs of cyanide poisoning, Ms. Victoria.”

“How do you know about these things, Grimm?” Brett asked. In his Frankie Almond voice.

For once Grimm was flustered. “I... From no particular source, Mr. Brett. Life experience.”

“I’m not sure I believe you, Grimm.”

“Sorry to hear that, Mr. Brett.”

The two men stared at each other until Victoria interrupted. “Oh for God’s sake, can’t we in this room agree a strategy that will protect Frankie Almond, Private Eye ?”

Lorelei couldn’t believe that Victoria was continuing to think of the program. “How can you be so unfeeling?”

“Oh, save the fake compassion for your scripts, Lorelei,” Victoria said. “Nancy did steal your husband from you. Which you never forgave her for.”

Now Lorelei was flustered. “Yes, well...”

“And it still upsets you, for some unfathomable reason. Not that I ever met the man in question but what was the problem? Men come, men go. Or is it that you haven’t been able to get yourself another one? Because to be obsessed with someone as shallow and untalented as Andrew shows that there’s something seriously wrong with you.”

“That was all a misunderstanding.”

“Nancy taking your husband wasn’t.”

“He would have come back to me. Eventually.”

“The way I heard the story was that he croaked in flagrante from a heart attack. If anyone here hated Nancy, it was you.”

“But not enough to murder her.” Lorelei was almost in tears.

Brett was not convinced. “Yet you do know all about cyanide. And if you hated her so much, why keep working with her? Was it in order to have access until you got your chance?”

Victoria was struck by this notion. “Your scripts prove you’re capable of planning something that complicated and weird.”

“That is a horrible thing to suggest,” Lorelei said.

“Well, someone murdered my Nancy,” Brett said. “That’s a fact.”

Lorelei turned to Brett. “You’re so busy accusing everybody else, but what about you?”

“Why would I murder Nancy? I loved her.”

“But did she love you?” Lorelei said. “Maybe you realized that she was only with you in order to get one over on Victoria. You know how they like to score off of each other, and neither of them has the slightest record of taking men seriously.”

Brett was upset now. Was it because doubt had been cast upon Nancy’s feelings for him, or because Lorelei was on the track of truth? She was famous for the emotional perceptiveness in her scripts.

“Look at their histories,” Lorelei said. “You’d have to doubt that either Nancy or Victoria was capable of forming a serious long-term relationship.”

“Get me a bowl, please, Grimm,” Victoria said. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Grimm turned to his mistress to assess whether her request was a serious one.

In turn, eyes fell upon him. Lorelei said, “And what about Grimm?”

“Ms. Lorelei?”

“You poured Nancy’s Champagne.”

“I did indeed, Ms. Lorelei.”

Brett frowned. “Are we certain that’s what killed her?”

“She complained of the almond taste,” Lorelei said. “My Champagne didn’t taste of almonds. Did yours?”

“No.” Brett looked around the table.

“It was an excellent vintage bubbly,” Victoria said. “As befitted the occasion until one of you ruined it. You had some too, Grimm.”

“My Champagne was entirely devoid of almond taste, Ms. Victoria. But there is a more direct test.”

“What are you doing, Grimm?” Victoria asked.

But it was clear what Grimm was doing. He had knelt by Nancy’s goblet on the floor. “I intend to assess whether there is an almond odor in the Champagne residue, Ms. Victoria.”

“Mind the fingerprints,” Lorelei said.