Саманта Сильвер: Lipstick On A Pig

“I can tell you she wasn’t here when I went to sleep.”

“I had a dream that I was riding in a big car, and there was a human driving, does that count?”

“Tommy always says I sleep like a log, so I wouldn’t have heard anything.”

“You do sleep like a log. And you snore. Loudly.”

“I do not snore, gilts do not snore.”

“You’re the exception that proves the rule.”

“Why do you care, anyway?” That last comment came from the goat.

“I care because it might help us find out who hurt her. She’s not sleeping. She’s dead.”

Telling the animals that last thing had been a mistake. They instantly began to panic. The roosters began running around the coop, while the hens beat their wings, instinct keeping them from getting off their eggs. The pigs all huddled together, beginning to tremble, while the goats bleated.

“See, son?” the racist goat from the day before said. “All these other animals, they’re panicking. But we don’t panic. We’re goats. There is nothing to panic about, they could have slit our throats in our sleep if they wanted to hurt us.”

“Slit our throats?” one of the pigs squealed.

The baby goat who was being spoken to looked around nervously.

“Everyone, relax!” I practically shouted. “Did anyone see the lady being brought into the pen last night?”

Eventually, slowly, all the animals replied in the negative.

“Do you know how much effort it takes to lay an egg? I slept all night, like a baby.”

“And I am a baby pig!”

“So am I!”

“And me!”

“And I’m a baby goat!”

“No you’re not, you’re also a pig.”

“I’m really a baby goat though.”

“You are, you’re not like those savage pigs.”

“At least we’re not stuck up like you goats.”

They had all been completely asleep. Great. I wasn’t going to get any help there. I was, however, very quickly developing a migraine.

“I saw a man,” one of the roosters said.

“What kind of man?” I asked.

“Well, he was outside of the tent. I only saw an outline, but he was stumbling around.”

“Was he carrying a body?”

“No. No, I don’t think so. At least, if he was, I didn’t notice. When I saw him there certainly wasn’t a body in here. He was around for quite a while, stumbling around and mumbling incoherently, but he never came into the tent, and I didn’t see the body until waking up.”

“Thank you,” I told the rooster, thankful for at least a little bit of information. A man stumbling around near the petting zoo that night. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was something, right?

Chief Gary pulled up in his old sedan about three minutes later. I quickly told the animals to stay away from the body, but it didn’t seem to be a problem. As soon as I stepped out of the pen, the pigs decided they were terrified of the dead woman, and huddled together in the far corner. The cops could move them into the pen with the goats later, if they wanted. I certainly wasn’t going to do it, and not only because I didn’t want to accidentally move any evidence.

“Good morning, ladies,” Chief Gary said as he got out of the car. “Thank you for calling me.”

“No problem,” I told him. “Emily from the animal shelter was the first one here. I think she got here just a couple minutes before we did. She wasn’t in good shape, so I told her to take the dogs back to the shelter. I’m guessing that she probably went home after.”

“Thanks for telling me, I’ll send someone over to her place to take her statement in a few hours. Now, Officers Shaw and Jacobs are behind me, they’ll take your statements.”

Sophie grinned. Officer Shaw was Taylor, her boyfriend, who she’d now been with for a record of almost four months.

“What are we going to do about the petting zoo?” I asked Chief Gary.

“Well, we’re going to have to close the whole park down for at least the day,” Chief Gary replied. “Possibly longer. I’m not sure, I’ll have to talk to the mayor and the organizers later today and see what they want to do.”

“Ok, got it. If you end up needing help with the animals, let me know.”

“Sure thing, thanks Angela.”

The three of us gave our statements, and then realizing there was really nothing else we could do there, we headed back to the car.

“What’s going on?” Bee asked from her carrier, not happy to have been left in it.

“They found a body in the petting zoo,” I replied. “Remember that lady from yesterday? Someone murdered her.”

“Oh, the poor woman,” Sprinkles said sadly. I gave him a quick scratch behind the ear.

“Good, she was annoying,” Bee replied. “Can I go see?”

“No, you can’t.”

“Why not?” Bee whined.

“Because the police are there now, taking care of things.”

“So we’re not going to be on display for the humans to pet us in exchange for money?”

“Not today, no.”

“Well I still better get my sushi roll.”

That was Bee. Always thinking about the important things in life.

“Fine,” I replied, too tired to argue with my cat. At least this meant that by going home I could get in a bit of extra sleep.

“Do you know if she had a pet? The woman who was killed?” Sprinkles asked.

“We don’t know, buddy. We don’t know much about her at all,” Sophie replied. “I’ll find out for you though, if you’d like.”

“That would be nice, thank you Sophie.”

Sophie leaned over from her spot in the driver’s seat and ruffled Sprinkles’ head. “You’re a good doggie, you know that. You’re a very good doggie!”

“Thank you,” Sprinkles replied, and I hid a smile. Sprinkles was just the most polite, well-behaved dog I’d ever met.

When we got back to the apartment I threw myself down onto the couch.

“I wonder how long the park’s going to be closed for,” Charlotte said to no one in particular.

Sophie shrugged. “Who knows? My bet is the whole park is closed for a day or two, but they won’t re-open the petting zoo.”

“I think you’re probably right,” I replied. “It would be too macabre.”

“Which means that for the next eleven days, we’re on vacation!” Sophie said, throwing her hands up into the air. I closed my eyes and leaned back. I hadn’t even realized it, but Sophie was probably right. As the vet tech at my clinic, she didn’t have to work until the clinic re-opened after the festival, same as me.

“The first thing I’m doing as part of my new vacation is having a nap,” I announced, but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Jessica Oliver lying in the pig pen, her eyes staring into nothingness. I wondered who had hated her enough to kill her. And whether or not that person was still in Willow Bay.

Chapter 4

Charlotte sighed. “I knew you guys were going to want to do this.”

“What? It makes sense. You knew her. She went to your college. If anyone in Willow Bay has an advantage here, it’s you. And don’t you think it’s your civic duty to do what you can if you can help find a murderer?” I pulled out all the stops.

“And here I thought we might be able to go two whole months without finding ourselves sucked into another murder investigation,” Charlotte replied. “Fine. I’ll do it. But only because of that whole civic duty thing. And I absolutely refuse to do anything dangerous.”

“Deal,” I lied, knowing full well that we’d be able to lure Charlotte into doing anything Sophie and I deemed necessary, no matter how dangerous. It was just after noon; I’d had a long nap, and Chief Gary had told me that the petting zoo would be closed for good this year. I could come pick up the animals and take them back to Joe’s farm later that afternoon, but it wouldn’t be until the crime scene guys were done so he’d let me know when. That gave us at least a good four, maybe five hours of investigating.