Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

Odelia,” said Odelia, and gestured to her table. “And that’s Chase.”

“He looks fit,” said Tina, and immediately looked mortified. “Oh, heck, I said that out loud, didn’t I? I mean, he looks nice.”

“And fit,” said Odelia with a smile. “He’s not a seducer, though, so you won’t be seeing him, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” said the woman, her cheeks coloring. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I guess I’m not used to this kind of thing. Seducers and seductresses and all of that stuff. This wasn’t my idea, you know. It was all Nick. He pretty much had to drag me here kicking and screaming;” She rolled her eyes. “Men.”

“So why did you agree?”

“Well, Nick said this would be the ultimate relationship test for us. We’re getting married in the fall, see.” She showed a neat little engagement ring, proudly holding it out for Odelia’s inspection. “And Nick thought it would be a good idea to make sure there were no doubts. I’m a pretty jealous kind of gal, and I’ve been giving Nick hell, I’m afraid. He’s got a pretty extensive circle of friends, a lot of them women. And so I get insecure. And he just figured we’d settle this once and for all, and he’d prove to me that he loves me and he’s not going to cheat on me. And 50.000 prize money sounds pretty sweet.”

“Yeah, that’s the main reason we’re doing this,” Odelia confided, reiterating her rehearsed storyline. “We’re getting married in September, and that money would be a nice down payment for a house.”

“Oh, you lucky girl!” Tina cried, then held her hand to her mouth again. “I keep blurting out the most inappropriate things, don’t I?”

“It’s all right,” said Odelia, laughing.

They both watched as Nick was approached by the female half of the other couple, and immediately his face lit up and he started making animated conversation.

Next to Odelia, Tina sighed. “See what I mean? He can’t see a woman or he has to chat her up.”

Odelia nodded, and felt for Tina. She had the impression she wouldn’t go home with the big prize. But instead, she said, “I’m sure he’s just being friendly.”

But from the way Nick’s eyes kept dropping down the woman’s crop top and checking out her enhanced chest, friendly probably wasn’t the right word.

Chapter 13

Odelia had arranged for Dooley and me to be treated to a breakfast as hearty as the one she and Chase were getting. Which meant… room service! Now if there’s one thing I love about traveling it’s this very concept of room service. Of course you could say that us cats enjoy room service all of our lives, but the service at a hotel is still a little different from the one at home. I don’t know if it’s the food, or being far from home, but overall it’s a pleasant experience. Especially if the room service person is as friendly as the one who’d delivered our breakfast—a sweet lady with extremely kind demeanor.

So we thanked our benefactor, even though she probably couldn’t understand a meow we said, and dug into our juicy fillets and sauce-covered nuggets with relish.

And it was as we devoured the treats that the door opened again and a man strode in.

“More room service!” Dooley cried happily. “Oh, Max, my bones are going to become as big as yours if this keeps up!”

I gave him a look of extreme censure, which went straight over his head, as he was too busy eagerly anticipating this new person’s gifts, and so I turned my attention in the same direction.

And got the shock of a lifetime.

The man who’d just entered… was the same man from last night.

“It’s the guy!” I cried.

“I know!” said Dooley. “I hope he’s brought pâté. I love pâté.”

“No, I mean it’s the same guy from last night. The intruder!”

Dooley’s jaw dropped. “What does he want!” he cried.

It soon became clear what the man wanted: to snoop.

He went straight for Odelia’s laptop, which she’d left on the table, and opened it. His hands were gloved, and his fingers were soon deftly probing the keyboard. Judging from the look of frustration on his face, though, Odelia’s password gave him pause.

So instead, he started searching around, until he found her iPad.

“We have to do something,” I said. “He’s going to steal Odelia’s tablet!”

“But what can we do!” said Dooley. “He’s a lot bigger and a lot stronger than us!”

“He doesn’t know we’re here,” I said. “Maybe we can scare him away.”

Dooley blinked. It was obvious he wasn’t fully on board with my plan. Heck, I wasn’t fully on board with my plan, and it was my own plan! This man had featured in my nightmare, stringing up a cat and threatening to eat it, so I wasn’t exactly eager to make his acquaintance. But we couldn’t stand idly by and watch him burgle the room, either.

So with a loud meow, I burst onto the scene.

The man looked up, startled at the sight and sound of yours truly. What he didn’t do, though, even though I’d hoped he would, was turn tail and run to the nearest exit.

Instead, he growled, “Get lost, you filthy animal.”

Now if there’s one thing I don’t like it’s to be called a filthy animal. Like most cats I take pride in my sense of personal hygiene. I primp, I prink, and sometimes I even preen.

“I’m not a filthy animal,” I told the man. “You’re the filthy animal. Coming in here and stealing Odelia’s tablet.”

But he wasn’t to be deterred. I guess that’s where dogs have it easier. If they’re big enough, and loud enough, they can scare any burglarious individual away simply by stepping onto the scene. Whereas cats have that cuddly, endearing image going for them. Not exactly the way to go when faced with an element of the criminal classes.

It was at this moment that Dooley finally overcame his natural tendency towards timidity, and leaped onto the scene with a loud hiss, his tail distended and his back arched.

“Yikes!” the intruder yelped at the sight of my friend. But instead of beating a retreat, as any sane man would have done, he still found the time to check Odelia’s tablet.

“It’s not working, Max,” said Dooley. “He doesn’t seem to be impressed.”

“I think we have to attack, Dooley,” I said.

“Attack?”

“Yeah, claws out and attack!” I instructed, leading by example.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been attacked by a cat? I can assure you it’s not a pleasant experience. We may be cuddly and cute, renowned for our lovable persona and sweet-natured companionship, but when the gloves are off, we can do some real damage.

It’s all in the claws, you see. They’re pretty sharp, and when applied with precision and intent, can dig deep in places you wouldn’t expect.

Like someone’s thigh.

So as Dooley attacked the man’s right thigh, and I dug my claws into the left, the man screamed both in surprise and agony, as he desperately tried to dislodge us from his person.

I wasn’t to be deterred, though, and neither was Dooley. My friend may be the sweetest cat on the planet, but once he’s going well, it’s hard to make him stop.

And it was as I clawed my way up from the man’s thigh to his nether regions, pretty much treating the intruder like I would a tree or scratching post, that he threw in the towel, and with a blood-curdling scream—his blood, not mine—made for the door, hindered somewhat by two cats dangling from the lower strata of his corpus.

As he reached the door, he made a swiping motion with his hands, and sent both myself and Dooley flying, but not before a ripping sound indicated we’d done our bit, turning his nice jeans into mere strips of torn fabric flapping around the man’s legs.