Ник Сайнт - Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

As is our wont, we landed on our feet, and watched with a measure of satisfaction as the man slammed the door, after hurling a certain measure of abuse in our direction.

Sticks and stones, though, right? And at least we’d achieved our objective: Odelia’s personal possessions had been safeguarded, and Scarface had been outfitted with a few more scars for his collection.

“My heart,” said Dooley, panting as loudly as I did. “It’s beating so fast, Max!”

“Yeah, that’s normal,” I said. My heart was practically hammering through my chest, too. “It’s the adrenaline,” I told Dooley.

“It tastes funny,” said Dooley now, as he licked his claw.

“That’s blood,” I said.

Dooley gulped a little. “Blood!”

But before we could thresh the matter out more thoroughly, the room door opened again, and this time Odelia and Chase walked in. And as we regaled them with the story of our recent heroics, Odelia didn’t look happy. Not happy at all. Nor could I blame her. If strange men with scarred faces enter your room not once but twice in a short space of time, it’s enough to give you pause.

Of course, we were in a strange town in a strange country. It was entirely possible that breaking into rooms to go through people’s personal possessions and taking pictures while they’re sleeping is some sort of local custom. All part of the Bangkok experience.

Though somehow, judging from Odelia’s reaction, and Chase’s, I didn’t think so.

Chapter 14

Odelia and Chase didn’t have time to investigate the break-in properly, as at eleven on the dot they were expected downstairs in the lobby. Surrounded by cameras, the four couples were expected to enact the second scene of the sixth season of Passion Island: the teary goodbye.

The first scene had been the interview Kimmy had set up, which had taken place in their hotel room. They’d talked a little about themselves, their history as a couple, and what they expected from their participation in the show.

Max and Dooley had both been relegated to their respective cages, something which they absolutely abhorred but which was necessary for the trip to the island, and as Odelia and Chase hammed it up for the cameras, Odelia even managing to squeeze a couple of tears from her eyes like a seasoned actress, she had the impression that the other couples didn’t even have to fake it. Tina and Nick were bawling like babies, and even the tough-looking blonde was crying her eyes out, even if her other half wasn’t. The fourth couple, whom she only saw now for the first time, was a plain-looking pair. The girl, named Joanna, was a freckle-faced pretty redhead, and her boyfriend was a chubby-looking young man who could have been a sales manager in an insurance company.

She understood now what Kimmy had told her about the selection process Clint employed: they tried to get people whom the public could identify with. So when they failed to stay together, the viewers at home would be as thrown as the cheated partner.

Chase held her close, and whispered, “Talk to you soon, babe… on our secret phone.”

She smiled. Kimmy had promised to sneak them a phone, so they could stay in touch. All they needed to do was make sure Clint didn’t catch them.

“I feel like a spy going on a secret mission,” she said.

“It’ll be fine,” said Chase. “Though I’m still not entirely sure this is such a good idea.”

“Why?”

“You’re the one running the risk. It’s not the men they target but the women.”

He was right, of course. That and Scarface lurking around their hotel room was enough to give Odelia the heebie-jeebies.

Kimmy had talked to security, but unfortunately the cameras in that section of the hotel had suffered an electrical failure. Coincidence? Somehow she didn’t think so.

“If anything happens, you can always swim to the rescue,” she quipped.

Chase grinned. “Just say the word, babe, and I’m on my way.”

The two islands—Koh Samui for the women and Koh Phangan for the men—were separated by a nineteen-mile strip of sea that could be crossed by ferry in half an hour. Swimming, unfortunately, wasn’t recommended, both for the distance—about the same distance as the English Channel between Calais and Dover—and the many sharks infesting the Gulf of Thailand, where both islands were located.

“I’ll find a boat,” Chase assured her when she reminded him of this fact. “And there’s always Kimmy. She’ll keep an eye on you, too.”

Kimmy was their ally in this, their most peculiar adventure yet, or at least the most exotic.

“Time to go!” Clint called out, checking his watch.

“Stay safe, babe,” said Chase as he planted a kiss on her lips.

“You, too, and don’t let the seductresses bite,” she added for good measure.

He grinned. “Don’t worry. I only have eyes for you …” he sang, out of tune as usual. It still managed to put a smile on her face, and then the men were led out by one of Clint’s people, and the women by Kimmy, the men filing into a black van and the women into a white one, and then they were off…

“How come we’re coming with you?” asked Dooley from his cage, sat at her feet. “I mean, Max and I are both males, so shouldn’t we be going to the male island with Chase?”

“Shut up, Dooley,” said Max. “Just when we’ve managed to convince everyone we’re females.”

Dooley didn’t get the joke at first, but when he did, he laughed heartily.

The van took them to the airport, where they were scheduled to take another flight, which would take them to the island in a little over an hour. And as they sat a little nervously, the van navigating the distance from the hotel to the airport, silence reigned supreme. Odelia decided to break the ice. “So how much fun is this, huh?” she said.

In response, only Tina managed to crack a feeble smile.

Kimmy decided to join Odelia’s efforts to lighten the mood, and said, “How are you guys doing? Are you excited?”

Nods and murmured words of assent were her response.

“You’re going to love the resort we’ve booked,” Kimmy said. “The accommodations are amazing. This year they’ve added a jacuzzi, and the pool is to die for. And of course there’s the bar…” She wiggled her eyebrows meaningfully.

“Oh, yeah,” said the tan blonde, whose name, Odelia had learned, was Jackie. “I could murder for a gin and tonic right now.”

“I could use a drink myself, to be honest,” said Tina, surprising Odelia.

“I’ll settle for a rum and coke,” said Joanna with a nervous titter.

All eyes turned to Odelia. “What’s your poison, Odelia?” asked Jackie.

“Um…” She couldn’t very well confess that she wasn’t much of a drinker. So instead she said, “Tequila. Always hits the spot.”

Cheers rang out. Subdued, still, but a sign of things to come.

“This is going to be one big party!” Jackie cried.

Chapter 15

If I thought traveling from New York to Bangkok had been tough, the small plane we were on now was ten times worse. It shook and trembled and kept going up and down and left and right for some reason, and all the while I thought this was it—the end was nigh!

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Dooley intimated from his cage, which was located right next to mine at Odelia’s feet.

“Me too, buddy,” I said, as I retched slightly. All this traveling was well and good, but it wasn’t doing a lot for my equanimity.

“This isn’t the life for me,” Dooley added with a groan. “I’m a homebody, Max, not Indiana Jones or Lara Croft. Maybe Odelia should consider getting a dog and bringing him on her travels halfway across the world.”

He was right. Travel simply does not agree with us. Still, as far as I could ascertain, we were almost there, and not a minute too soon.