Dorothy Cannell - The Importance of Being Ernestine

“Can I help it if she’s a gullible old fool?”

“I say, enough of that!” Sir Alfonse protested.

“Mrs. H. here doesn’t think there was any deathbed curse.” Mrs. Malloy could not contain her bitterness. “She goes for the idea it was just another of Mr. Watkins’s stories, put around way back when he was working here as Ernest, for the purpose of getting even with the Krumley family. All mixed up in your feelings you was,” she continued, returning the butler’s steady gaze without a twitch of an eyelash. “Leastways that’s how Mrs. H. and I sees it. Angry with Sir Horace for having a fling with Flossie, and bitter against her because she’d convinced you the baby wasn’t yours. It wasn’t till years later, after wasting your life on drink-not that I’ve got anything against the occasional gin and tonic-that you realized you’d been hoodwinked. That was when you came face to face with Ernestine. It was the same as with me own father-something I mentioned and Mrs. H. picked up on. He didn’t believe I was his daughter until he saw with his own eyes that I was the spitting image of him. When that happened to you Mr. Watkins you was driven to coming up with your plan.”

“Which was?”

“To take the post advertised for a butler at Moultty Towers and search for the brooch Flossie had told you she’d hidden in the grounds, is my guess. Maybe you’ve been looking for it for most of the last five years. Could be she’d hidden it near a tree that’s been chopped down, and you couldn’t pinpoint the place. Or maybe you felt you had to wait for the moment as would give you the best hope of success. Wouldn’t do to bungle things at this stage of the game would it? Lucky you when all them relatives began dropping off the family twig, putting Lady Krumley in just the right frame of mind to think Flossie had finally got round to dishing up the curse. You were very clever in some ways, Mr. Watkins. Those birds were a nice creepy touch. But you made your mistakes, such as not cleaning the brooch properly after digging it up. Perhaps your eyesight’s not all that good. We thought you hadn’t polished that candle stick, remember, but it must have looked all right to you.”

The moment had come for me to play my ace. “Now then, Mrs. Malloy,” I chided, “it isn’t fair to lay all the blame at Mr. Watkins’s door. He might never have embarked on this wicked scheme if not egged on by Ernestine. The naughty girl was not averse to getting her paws on the Krumley fortune the moment her ladyship could be stowed underground, having conveniently succumbed to another heart attack resulting from recent stress.”

“Now you sound truly mad!” Watkins’s imperturbability had finally slipped.

“And I suppose you’ll claim I am lying if I say that Ernestine is here.” I took my time looking from one face to another. “Right now, in this very room.”

“I would… yes, I would and all you wretched women!” His careful diction was gone, replaced by that of a man who had been brought up rough and had never pictured himself swanking around the insides of a house the likes of Moultty Towers.

“Let’s consider Mrs. Beetle as Ernestine,” I said.

“What me?” Her voice came out in a squeak, far too small for her size of face. “There’s things that fit.” Mrs. Malloy was plainly beginning to enjoy herself. “Like you speaking so sympathetic like about Mr. Vincent Krumley’s dog, calling it a poor little orphan, which is what someone that had been orphaned herself might well say. And then there was you giving Mrs. H. and me to understand as how you are deeply religious-Roman Catholic I think you said. Now the Merryweathers that adopted Ernestine didn’t say nothing about her being partial to any particular faith, but they did let us know she saw sin everywhere she looked, which isn’t to say that’s not a stage young people go through and you’ll have come out of it if you did join up with your father…”

“Watkins is not my father!” Mrs. Beetle gave a bounce that shook the room.

“Well, you don’t look much like him, I’ll give you that,” Mrs. Malloy conceded, albeit begrudgingly. “And one thing I’ll say for Roman Catholics is that they do like their bingo, so I can’t see why-if you really are one that is-you’d object to your old Dad enjoying an evening of it now and then. Besides, as I can see Mrs. H. is itching to say, there’s someone else here as is another likely candidate for being Ernestine, and that is…” She took her sweet time before pointing her finger toward Daisy Meeks.

“What? Did I say something?” That lady blinked as if coming out of a trance filled to the brim with Tupperware. “Why is everyone looking at me?”

“We’re wondering about your life before you suddenly showed up at Moultty Towers claiming to be a long-lost relative and then bought a house in the village,” I said. “It’s not always easy to tell a woman’s age these days, when one can be confused by makeup, or the lack of it, into adding or subtracting ten or even more years.”

“I’m fifty.”

“So am I on a bad day,” Mrs. Malloy shot back at her. “The rest of the time it’s twenty-nine. And maybe for you it’s forty, like if you was Ernestine.”

“I’m not following?”

“Or you don’t want us to think you are, ducks. Playing like you’re muddleheaded so that people lose patience and ignore you, while all the time you’re thinking deep inscrutable”-Mrs. M. brought out the word with a flourish-“thoughts.”

“I am?” Daisy Meeks looked vaguely pleased.

“Stop it! Put an end to this cat-and-mouse game, Father!” This exclamation came from Laureen as she flung herself toward Watkins. They know from this,” she said, wildly tugging at her auburn hair until it tumbled out of its carefully arranged coil to cascade over her shoulders, “that I’m your daughter.”

“No.” Watkins was losing it fast. He backed away from her as if persued by the devil. “You’re not my Ernestine.”

“What are you afraid of?” Her voice spiraled into rage. “That I’ll reject you as my mother did? Well, let me tell you I’ve done more than that. I’ve helped these women-these two private detectives-because someone had to be made to pay for my life as the child of those appalling Merryweathers. And you made it so easy for me to settle on you.”

“Liar. You’re nothing to me! My Ernestine is sweet and gentle!” Watkins had collided with Mr. Featherstone who clamped hold of his arms from behind. Lady Krumley sat as if turned to stone, while the rest of the group was reduced to a blurred photograph.

“I led these dear women step by step to Constable Thatcher’s boy, Ronald.” Laureen waved a hand at Mrs. Malloy and me and continued remorselessly. “In picking up bits and pieces from Mrs. Hasty I knew he had seen something that had aroused his suspicions about Vincent Krumley’s death. And when this one,” she said, poking at Mrs. Malloy’s shoulder, “got him to open up, he told her he had seen you dragging Pipsie into the shrubbery and beating on it when it yelped. Ronald is very fond of animals. He’s been begging his parents for a dog of his own, and he was charging to the rescue when he and his friend both pitched into a ditch. By the time they managed to scramble out you were nowhere to be seen, Father, and neither was Pipsie. They thought you had killed him, instead of locking him inside the cottage, so that when you offered to help Vincent look for him in the grounds he would start barking and you would follow the sound and suggest looking down the well. That’s why Ronald and the other boy threw those flower pots at your car.” Laureen whirled around to throw herself at Lady Krumley’s feet and clutch at the skirt of her black dress. “They thought Watkins-Father-would be driving. He was the one who most often did so. They never meant to hurt you. And neither did I. Yes, I knew what he was up to, and I played along, giving him enough rope to hang himself. Let him play his little tricks with the brooch! And then I’d expose him. I never thought of murder.”