Jens Lapidus - Easy Money

They arrived in the city. The houses were lower than in London but otherwise looked the same. Redbrick houses, narrow one-family homes with stairwayed stoops and long, slim windows, Starbucks, McDonald’s, bookstores, halal joints. No trees and no bikes.

The car stopped on a bridge by the train station. Underneath, the trains rushed by at high speeds. The noise was deafening.

They got out. Paid the driver and got his number. Said they’d call him in four hours if they needed a car to drive them back to London.

They took the stairs down to the station area.

Their arranged meeting spot was outside the magazine and bookstore in the station.

Didn’t take much to pick out their targets in the crowd-two broad-shouldered men in dark leather jackets, black Valentino jeans, and sturdy leather shoes stood stiffly outside the store. Like, were they in uniform or what? Both looked British: mouse-colored hair, gray complexions. One had straight-cut bangs that hung down on his forehead. JW thought it looked like a Caesar coif. The other rocked a perfectly combed side part.

Abdulkarim walked straight up to them and introduced himself in his blatte Swenglish.

No surprise. No smiles.

They followed the men to a minivan. They were directed to the backseat and got in.

The man with the side part, in JW’s opinion: right-wing extremist, severe expression. Asked how their trip’d been. JW thought, Definitely a Brit, judging by the accent.

Abdulkarim chatted for a while. When they were driving through the industrial areas, the right-wing extremist got out three strips of cloth and asked Abdulkarim, JW, and Fahdi to tie them on as blindfolds. Then he asked them to sit down on the floor of the minivan.

They obeyed.

Lay silent, blind, on the floor.

The Brits blared loud music.

JW’s feeling: one of the few times in his life he’d felt real fear. Who, exactly, were they meeting? Where were they taking them? What would happen if Abdulkarim made a fuss? It all seemed so much bigger and more dangerous than when he’d planned the trip back home in safe Stockholm.

One thing was for sure: They were going to meet powerful, shady boys.

After twenty minutes, Abdulkarim asked, “How long are we gonna lie here like sardines?” The Brits laughed. Told him only a few more minutes.

After around ten minutes, JW could feel that they were driving on a new surface. Maybe gravel, maybe stone.

The right-wing extremist asked them to take their blindfolds off and sit back up. JW looked out. They were surrounded by the British spring landscape as it’d looked on the drive up. They were driving on a narrow gravel road toward some buildings.

Fahdi looked bewildered. Glanced at Abdulkarim, who glowed with anticipation and curiosity, but, most of all, with the possibility of doing big business.

The minivan came to a stop. They were asked to get out.

In front of them was a large stone barn with wood crossbeams in a beautiful pattern; next to that was a house surrounded by numerous greenhouses. JW didn’t really get it. This was some kind of mad idyllic countryscape. Where was the gear?

Two men came out of the barn. One of them was enormous, not just tall but fat, too. Still, he had authority, like a heavyweight champ. Carried his weight like a weapon, not like a burden. The other was shorter, with a more slender build. Dressed in a floor-length leather coat and pointy shoes.

Drug lords’ customary fetishes: fast cars, expensive watches, hot chicks. They loved diamonds most of all. In the leather-coat man’s ear: an enormous rock. His body language was clear: He was the one in charge.

Abdulkarim took control of the situation and extended his hand.

The leather-coat guy said in a difficult dialect, “Welcome to Warwickshire. We call this place ‘the Factory.’ I’m Chris.” He pointed to the enormous man beside him. “And this is John, perhaps better known as ‘the Doorman.’ He worked as a bouncer for a long time. Now he’s found a more lucrative field. You know, before he used to boot the same people we today supply with gear. Oh, by the way, pardon the uncomfortable ride on the floor. I’m sure you understand our requirements.”

Abdulkarim sharpened his English. Sounded, consciously or not, like an American rapper. “It’s cool, yo. No problems. We be happy to be here and think it’ll be mad profitable to meet you.”

Chris and Abdulkarim talked for a few minutes. Exchanged some pleasantries-big business demanded long rituals.

“I really think our I-don’t-know-the-word-in-English are gonna be pleased.”

Chris said, “ Principals, that’s what they’re called. Your boss, that is.”

JW looked around. He glimpsed two other people farther off, behind one of the greenhouses. Their shoulders were draped with weapons, clearly visible in the bright daylight. Farther down the road, more people. The place was heavily guarded. He’d started to grip the idea: Maybe operating in the countryside was pretty smart after all.

JW counted at least six greenhouses in a row. Around one hundred feet long and six feet tall. The house itself was big and all the windows were covered by drawn curtains. Barking sounds were coming from the barn.

Chris invited them into the house.

It smelled like cat piss in there. Dungarees and heavy-duty gloves were hanging on hooks in the hall. Chris hung up his coat. Led them into a big kitchen with a rustic feel. It was a strange contrast. Chris, with the massive rock in his ear and what JW thought was a tailored suit, in this skanky house.

He invited them to have a seat. Asked what they wanted to drink. Poured out tall whiskeys for all three of them. Fine goods: single malt, Isle of Jura, eighteen years old. They sat down. John remained leaning against the wall, didn’t take his eyes off them.

Chris looked happy. “Welcome, once again. Before we begin, I have to ask you to hand over your weapons.” In the middle of his smiling face-JW saw it clearly-his eyes flashed in Fahdi’s direction. “And to go through a little security check.”

Fahdi looked at Abdulkarim.

A fork in the road-either let up on safety, for once, or go home. Could be a trap, could be advanced narcotics investigators they had in front of them. The casting vote for Abdul was probably that the bling in Chris’s ear was real; you could tell. No narc would wear something like that, not just because it was so expensive-it was damn gay, too.

Abdul, in Swedish: “It’s okay. We have to play by their rules today.”

Fahdi pulled out the gun and laid it in front of him on the table. Chris leaned forward. Picked it up, weighed it, turned it over in his hand. Read what was written across the muzzle.

“Nice. Zastava M57, 7.63 millimeter. Reliable. Almost as click-free as an Uzi.”

He popped the magazine. It dropped onto the table.

Then he showed them into an adjoining room.

The two men who’d driven them in the minivan were there. They asked Abdulkarim, JW, and Fahdi to take off their shirts and pants; the boxers they could keep on. They turned around once, slowly. JW glanced at Abdulkarim. Looked like he thought this was the most normal thing in the world-being body-searched by two semi-psychos who’d just forced them down on the floor of a minivan. He assumed the Arab’d been searched before.

They were cleared.

Five minutes later, they were back in the kitchen.

Chris’s smile greeted them. “All right, now we’ve dealt with the formalities. Big men with small guns really stress me out. Yours truly isn’t all too big, but damn do I have a big weapon.” He giggled and grabbed his crotch. Turned to John as though to get backup.

“Let’s sit here, relax, and enjoy this fine whiskey. How’s London been treating you?”