Iris Johansen: Chasing the Night

“And he won’t talk to Catherine?”

“She won’t push him. She said that he could have a deep-seated resentment for all she knows. He’s begun to talk to her about things that are happening here and now. That’s enough for her.” She added, “I noticed that he appears only to live in the present. It may be a long time before he does anything else.”

“Living in the present isn’t all that bad,” Joe said quietly as he moved to stand behind her at the window.

He meant that she found it impossible not to live in a past that contained the taking of her Bonnie. He had always told her it might destroy her, and maybe he was right. What she feared most was that it would destroy him.

She turned and buried her face in his shoulder. “No, it could be pretty wonderful.”

His arms went around her. “You’re tense as a board,” he said roughly. “I should have kept my mouth shut. Sometimes things just come out.”

“Because they’re always with you.”

“It will end. It has to end.”

When she brought her Bonnie home. When she found Bonnie’s killer. Right now, that seemed a distant dream.

It would change when she got back on the hunt. Then there was hope. Then there was purpose.

And then there was the chance of losing Joe because of that eternal obsession.

She kissed him. “It will end, Joe.” Her arms tightened around him. “I love you,” she whispered.

“Do you want me to tell you I love you, too?” He kissed her back, hard, with a passion that took her breath away. “That’s never going to go away. Not until the day I die. And maybe afterward. That’s not the issue.” He let her go and turned to the door. “I think I’ll go down to the lake and tell Kelly Catherine is coming. Maybe well have a barbecue this evening.”

He was gone.

She stood watching as he ran down the porch steps to where Kelly was standing. So strong, so confident…Dammit, so good. He deserved more than she was giving, more than she asked of him. That bittersweet moment had come out of nowhere, and its thorns were still tearing at her.

She should be used to those moments now. They came less often now, but they were still there waiting to emerge from the shadows.

So many shadows…

But she didn’t want to think of shadows today. The sun was shining brightly, and even now Catherine was driving up the road toward the cottage.

Eve opened the door and went out onto the porch.

Catherine looked wonderful, she thought, as the woman got out of the car. Sleek and gorgeous, and that terrible tension was gone from her demeanor. She turned to Luke and smiled and said something. So much love, it glowed from her expression.

And Luke smiled back! Just a little smile, but it was definitely a smile.

Eve wanted to cheer.

“I told him that he had to put away his book, or you’d throw him in the lake, Joe,” Catherine said, as she came toward Kelly and Joe. “And he told me that was okay, he liked the water.”

“I was just in a good part.” But Luke stuffed the paperback into the back pocket of his jeans. “Hello, Kelly. Mr. Quinn.”

“Joe,” Joe said. “And if you really want a swim, there are some trunks that might fit you at the cottage. Though I agree skinny-dipping is more fun. You’re looking better than the last time I saw you.”

He did look better, Eve thought. He had put on weight, and his jeans and shirt fit smoothly over that thin, wiry frame. He still appeared alert and guarded, but perhaps that wariness had lessened a little?

Luke was ignoring that last comment. “I’d like to go swimming.”

“Go and see Eve first, Luke,” Kelly said. “Stop thinking about yourself. You’re her guest. Do it.”

Eve smothered a laugh. Kelly was starting with him as she had left off. Blunt, honest, no holds barred.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He looked up at Eve, standing on the porch. “I wanted to see her.”

“I’m flattered.” She was still chuckling as she watched Kelly and Luke walk up the stairs. “Since you didn’t bother to say good-bye.”

“I didn’t think I needed to do it. That didn’t change anything.” He was standing before her. “Sometimes I don’t know things. Catherine is trying to teach me, and I learn a lot from the books, but I make mistakes.” He stared her in the eye, and said gravely, “Hello, Eve, I’m glad to see you.”

“Stiff as a board,” Kelly said.

“Sincere,” Eve said. “Leave him alone, Kelly.” To Luke, she said, “I’m very happy to see you, too. Now go down the hall to the linen closet in the bathroom and see if you can find a swimsuit that will fit you.” He started to go into the house, then stopped as he saw Kelly’s computer and notebook lying on the porch swing. He went over to the swing and looked down at the note pad. “Patterns? Catherine told me about what you do. It’s interesting.”

“Like a book?” Kelly smiled. “But it applies to everyday life, too. It’s real, Luke.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, everything that happens to us causes a pattern to form, turns us into what we’re going to be, what we’re going to do.”

He continued to look down at the notebook. “You’re saying that what happened to me with Rakovac could cause me to keep doing what he-” He violently shook his head. “No, I hate him. That would mean he’s still here. He’s gone. You’re crazy. I won’t believe you.”

“He’s still in your mind,” Kelly said. “Believe what you please. He’s part of your pattern.”

“Kelly,” Eve said warningly.

“They don’t want me to disturb you,” Kelly said. “Eve and Catherine want you treated with kid gloves. You don’t want that, do you, Luke? And I don’t want that for Catherine. I can’t stand the thought of her having to tiptoe around you.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying if you want to get rid of Rakovac and all that baggage forever, you have to trace the pattern from the beginning. From the time you were taken from Catherine. You have to do what I do, look at what happened, then see where it takes you next.” She held his gaze. “I’ll help you chart it, Luke. I’m really good at patterns.”

He stared at her for a moment, then whirled and went into the house.

Eve shook her head. “Why, Kelly?”

“Because it’s my time now.” She shifted her glance from the door to Eve’s face. “Because I like Luke and I love Catherine and I can help them mend. I told you once that I was trying to find a reason, something worthwhile, in this so-called wonderful gift I have.”

“You found Luke. What’s more valuable than that?”

“Maybe to help them find each other?” Kelly shrugged. “I don’t know. I can look at all Luke’s scars without it hurting me too much. Catherine couldn’t do that. I can be the buffer. When you chart a pattern, you have to delve deep, learn everything about what’s causing it. Sound familiar? Sort of like what goes on when you go to a psychiatrist for therapy? Only I’m no psychiatrist, I can only help Luke help himself. It may be enough. It could be that’s the reason Catherine and I came together in the beginning. I just think it’s my time, and this is what I should do.”

Eve reached out and gently touched the curve of Kelly’s cheek. “It’s part of your pattern?”

“Yes.” She smiled unsteadily. “And you’ve been a big part of it, too. I…care about you, Eve. I hope I haven’t been in the way too much.”

“Listen,” Eve said. “You’ve never been in the way. You enriched us.” She kissed her on the cheek. “And your damn pattern had better be intertwining with ours from now on.” She took her hand and pulled her toward the stairs. “Come on. We need to go see Catherine. You’ve spent enough time harassing her son.”