The - ZOMBIE

In tight quarters, shorter blades hold the advantage. The Roman Gladius is one choice, although combat-ready replicas are hard to find. The Japanese Ninjite boasts a two-handed grip and, in genuine models, renowned tempered steel. Both factors make it a superior weapon. The common machete, because of its size, weight, and availability, is probably your best choice. If possible, find the military type usually sold at Army surplus stores. Its steel tends to be of a higher quality, and its blackened blade helps concealment at night.

Spears, pikes, and tridents serve to skewer a zombie, keeping it out of reach but not necessarily scoring a kill. The chance of an eye-socket stab is possible, but remote. The medieval European halberd (an ax-spear hybrid) may serve as a chopping weapon but, again, requires great amounts of skill and practice to accomplish a decapitating blow. Other than using them as bludgeons, or keeping your attacker at a distance, these weapons serve little purpose.

Morning stars or “flails,” a spiked ball chained to a rod, do basically the same damage as a crowbar, albeit in a more dramatic way. The owner swings the rod in a wide, circular motion, providing enough momentum to bring the ball crashing through the skull of his or her opponent. Using this weapon takes considerable skill, and it is therefore not recommended.

The medieval European mace serves the same function as the standard household hammer but without benefit of the latter’s practical uses. A mace cannot pry open a door or window, drive a chisel, or hammer a nail. Attempting such an act could result in accidental injury. Therefore, carry this medieval weapon only when no alternative is available.

Knives are always useful, serving a variety of functions in a range of situations. Unlike a hatchet, they can kill a zombie only when the blade is stabbed through the temple, eye socket, or base of the skull. On the flip side, knives almost always weigh less than hatchets and, therefore, are better if you are on the move. When choosing a knife, make sure the blade is no more than six inches long and always smooth. Avoid serrated knives and saw-blade combinations found in survival knives, as they tend to become lodged in their victims. Imagine yourself stabbing one zombie through the temple and turning to engage the other three ghouls but not being able to retrieve your blade.

The trench spike is, without a doubt, the best compact anti-zombie weapon on earth. It is a combination of a seven-inch steel spike for a blade and brass knuckles for a handle. It was developed during the vicious hand-to-hand combat of World War I, where soldiers killed each other in trenches no wider than a few feet. Specifically, it was designed to stab downward, through an enemy’s steel helmet. You can imagine how effective this weapon would be against a zombie. The user could stab easily through a zombie’s skull, withdraw cleanly and quickly, then turn to either brain another zombie or, at the very least, knock one over with a brass-knuckle punch to the face. Original models are extremely rare, with barely a few remaining in museums and the homes of private collectors. However, if accurate, detailed schematics can be found, have one or perhaps two combat-ready, stress-tested replicas made. They will be an investment you will never regret.

The Shaolin Spade

This weapon bears special mention in the anti-ghoul arsenal. It may appear unconventional: a six-foot hardwood staff with a flat, bell-shaped blade on one end and an outward-facing crescent blade on the other. Its roots date back to a bronze-bladed agricultural tool used during the Chinese Shang Dynasty (1766-1122 B.C.E.). When Buddhism migrated to China, the spade was adopted by Shaolin monks as both tool and weapon. On several occasions, it has proven to be surprisingly effective against the living dead. Thrusting forward with either blade will produce instant decapitation, while its length provides complete safety for the user. This length does make it impractical for indoor combat, and it should therefore be avoided in those situations. In open spaces, however, nothing combines the safety of a spear with the killing power of a katana sword like the Shaolin spade.

A variety of other hand weapons exist around the world, and space does not permit the author to discuss each one individually. If you discover an implement or tool that you think might make a good weapon, ask yourself these questions:

1. Can it crush a skull in one blow?

2. If not, can it decapitate in said blow?

3. Is it easy to handle?

4. Is it light?

5. Is it durable?

Questions 3, 4, and 5 will have to depend on your present situation. Questions 1 and 2 are essential!

Popular fiction has shown us the awesome, brutal power of the chainsaw. Its lightning-quick, rotating teeth can easily slice through flesh and bone, making the strength and skill required for manual weapons unnecessary. Its roar might also give the owner a much-needed psychological boost-empowerment in a situation where abject terror is a given. How many horror movies have you seen in which this industrial killing machine has spelled doom for anyone and anything it touched? In reality, however, chainsaws and similar powered devices rank extremely low on the list of practical zombie-killing weapons. For starters, their fuel supply is finite. Once drained, they provide as much protection as a hand-held stereo. Carrying extra fuel or power cells leads to the second inherent problem: weight. The average chainsaw weighs ten pounds, compared to a two-pound machete. Why increase the chances of exhaustion? Safety must also be considered. One slip, and the spinning teeth might be slicing through your skull just as easily as your enemy’s. Like any machine, another problem is noise. A chainsaw’s distinctive roar, even if running for just a few seconds, will be enough to broadcast to every zombie within earshot, “Dinner is served!”

It is a commonly held notion that using non-firearm ballistics such as bows and slingshots are a waste of energy and resources. In most cases, this is true. However, if used properly, such a weapon will enable you to score a kill at long range with little or no sound. What if you’re attempting to escape an infested area, you turn a corner, and a single ghoul blocks your path? It’s too far away for a hand weapon. Before you get close, its moans will betray your position. The crack of a firearm will sound an even louder alarm. What do you do? In cases like these, certain silent weapons may be your only option.

Made famous from the biblical story of David and Goliath, this weapon has been part of our heritage since prehistoric times. The user places a smooth, round stone in the wider center of a thin leather strip, grabs both ends, swings it repeatedly in a rapid circle, then releases one end of the strip, loosing the stone at his target. Theoretically, it is possible to dispatch a zombie with a silent headshot at just under thirty paces. However, even with months of training, the chances of scoring such a hit are one in ten at best. With no experience, the wielder would be better off just throwing stones.

A descendant of the leather strap, the modern slingshot has at least ten times the accuracy of its ancestor, the sling. What it lacks is punch. Small projectiles fired from a modern slingshot simply do not have the force, even at minimum range, to penetrate a zombie’s skull. Using this weapon might serve only to alert a ghoul to your presence.