Margaret Atwood - The Penelopiad - The Myth of Penelope and Odysseus

So in the palace of Ithaca I had to learn from scratch. At first I was impeded in this by Eurycleia, who wanted to be in charge of everything, but finally she realised that there was too much to be done, even for a busybody like her. As the years passed I found myself making inventories where there are slaves there’s bound to be theft, if you don’t keep a sharp eye out—and planning the palace menus and wardrobes. Though slave garments were coarse, they did fall apart after a while and had to be replaced, so I needed to tell the spinners and weavers what to make. The grinders of corn were on the low end of the slave hierarchy, and were kept locked in an outbuilding usually they were put in there for bad behaviour, and sometimes there were fights among them, so I had to be aware of any animosities and vendettas.

The male slaves were not supposed to sleep with the female ones, not without permission. This could be a tricky issue. They sometimes fell in love and became jealous, just like their betters, which could cause a lot of trouble. If that sort of thing got out of hand I naturally had to sell them. But if a pretty child was born of these couplings, I would often keep it and rear it myself, teaching it to be a refined and pleasant servant. Perhaps I indulged some of these children too much. Eurycleia often said so.

Melantho of the Pretty Cheeks was one of these.

Through my steward I traded for supplies, and soon had a reputation as a smart bargainer. Through my foreman I oversaw the farms and the flocks, and made a point of learning about such things as lambing and calving, and how to keep a sow from eating her farrow. As I gained expertise, I came to enjoy the conversations about such uncouth and dirty matters. It was a source of pride to me when my swineherd would come to me for advice.

My policy was to build up the estates of Odysseus so he’d have even more wealth when he came back than when he’d left more sheep, more cows, more pigs, more fields of grain, more slaves. I had such a clear picture in my mind Odysseus returning, and me with womanly modesty revealing to him how well I had done at what was usually considered a man’s business. On his behalf, of course. Always for him. How his face would shine with pleasure! How pleased he would be with me! ‘You’re worth a thousand Helens,’ he would say. Wouldn’t he? And then he’d clasp me tenderly in his arms.

Despite all this busyness and responsibility, I felt more alone than ever. What wise counsellors did I have? Who could I depend on, really, except myself?

Many nights I cried myself to sleep or prayed to the gods to bring me either my beloved husband or a speedy death. Eurycleia would draw me soothing baths and bring me comforting evening drinks, though these came with a price. She had the irksome habit of reciting folk sayings designed to stiffen my upper lip and encourage me in my dedication and hard work, such as:

She who weeps when sun’s in sky

Will never pile the platter high.

or:

She who wastes her time in moan

Will ne’er eat cow when it is grown.

or:

Mistress lazy, slaves get bold,

Will not do what they are told,

Act the thief or whore or knave:

Spare the rod and spoil the slave!

and more of that ilk. If she’d been younger I would have slapped her.

But her exhortations must have had some effect, because during the daytimes I managed to keep up the appearance of cheerfulness and hope, if not for myself, at least for Telemachus. I’d tell him stories of Odysseus what a fine warrior he was, how clever, how handsome, and how wonderful everything would be once he got home again.

There was an increasing amount of curiosity about me, as there was bound to be about the wife—or was it the widow? of such a famous man; foreign ships came to call with more frequency, bringing new rumours. They brought, also, the occasional feeler: if Odysseus were proved to have died, the gods forfend, might I perhaps be open to other offers?

Me and my treasures. I ignored these hints, since news of my husband dubious news, but news continued to arrive. Odysseus had been to the Land of the Dead to consult the spirits, said some. No, he’d merely spent the night in a gloomy old cave full of bats, said others. He’d made his men put wax in their ears, said one, while sailing past the alluring Sirens half-bird, half-woman—who enticed men to their island and then ate them, though he’d tied himself to the mast so he could listen to their irresistible singing without jumping overboard. No, said another, it was a high-class Sicilian knocking shop the courtesans there were known for their musical talents and their fancy feathered outfits.

It was hard to know what to believe. Sometimes I thought people were making things up just to alarm me, and to watch my eyes fill with tears. There is a certain zest to be had in tormenting the vulnerable.

Any rumour was better than none, however, so I listened avidly to all. But after several more years the rumours stopped coming altogether: Odysseus seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth.

Performed by the Twelve Maids, in Sailor Costumes

Oh wily Odysseus he set out from Troy,

With his boat full of loot and his heart full of joy,

For he was Athene’s own shiny-eyed boy,

With his lies and his tricks and his thieving!

His first port of call was the sweet Lotus shore

Where we sailors did long to forget the foul war;

But we soon were hauled off on the black ships once more,

Although we were pining and grieving.

To the dread one-eyed Cyclops then next did ,

He wanted to eat us so we put out his ey

Our lad said, ‘I’m No One,’ but then bragged, ’twas I,

Odysseus, the prince of deceiving!’

So there’s a curse on his head from Poseic his foe,

That is dogging his heels as he sails to fro,

And a big bag of wind that will boisteroi blow

Odysseus, the saltiest seaman!

Here’s a health to our Captain, so gallant and free,

Whether stuck on a rock or asleep ‘neath a tree

Or rolled in the arms of some nymph of the Si

Which is where we would all like to be, man!

The vile Laestrygonians then we did meet,

Who dined on our men from their brains to their feet;

He was sorry he’d asked them for something to eat,

Odysseus, that epical he-man!

On the island of Circe we were turned into swine,

Till Odysseus bedded the goddess so fine,

Then he ate up her cakes and he drank up her wine,

For a year he became her blithe lodger!

So a health to our Captain where ever he may roam,

Tossed here and tossed there on the wide ocean’s foam,

And he’s in no hurry to ever get home

Odysseus, that crafty old codger!

To the Isle of the Dead then he next took his way,

Filled a trench up with blood, held the spirits at bay,

Till he learned what Teiresias, the seer, had to say,

Odysseus, the artfullest dodger!

The Sirens’ sweet singing then next he did brave,

They attempted to lure him to a feathery grave,

While tied to the mast he did rant and did rave,

But Odysseus alone learned their riddle!

The whirlpool Charybdis did not our lad catch,

Nor snake-headed Scylla, she could not him snatch,

Then he ran the fell rocks that would grind you to scratch,

For their clashing he gave not a piddle!

We men did a bad turn against his command,

When we ate the Sun’s cattle, they sure tasted grand,

In a storm we all perished, but our Captain reached land,

On the isle of the goddess Calypso.

After seven long years there of kissing and woo,

He escaped on a raft that was drove to and fro,