Robin Alexander: Murky Waters

“I know what you’re thinking, Tris,” Lucy said, tearing Tristan from her thoughts of self-loathing. She pulled the car into a parking lot and turned off the ignition to give Tristan her full attention. “You’re thinking life would be better for all of us without you, aren’t you?”

Tristan failed to hide her surprise at Lucy’s words. “Are you now a mind reader?” she asked sarcastically.

“No, but I consider you my child, and I know you well. I know how you think, Tristan. Now, let me set some things straight for you. No, it would not make things better by running away. Cam and I would be distraught, and not one day would go by without wondering where you were and if you were alive or dead.

“It would be equally hard for Claire. There is something you have not taken into consideration about her. She lost her family when she was still a teen. I’m sure you can relate because of the loss of your own father, but to lose her whole family in a split second must have been a tremendous blow. You’ve become family to her now, Tris, and once again, that is being taken away from her.”

Tristan’s eyes filled with tears. Up until that moment, she had felt nothing but numb. Now, she was filled with a new hurt for Claire.

“She told me the night we went to the hospital that she loved you and would stand beside you come what may. She has not wavered on that stance this entire time. Tristan, that is the definition of love. She is making a conscious decision to remain with you even 193

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when things are tough. Do you love her enough to be that committed?”

Tristan fell silent, pondering what Lucy told her. Lucy started the car and headed for home, hoping that what she said would break through the guilt and shame Tristan was attempting to drown herself in.

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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Claire woke up on yet another Saturday morning alone, feeling stiff from sleeping on the couch, where she had taken up residence since Tristan had been away. Ralph looked at her expectantly until she realized that he wanted breakfast. She followed him into the kitchen and filled his bowl, then put the coffee on to brew.

Running a hand through her disheveled blonde locks, she wondered aloud, “What will I do with my Saturday, aside from sitting around feeling sorry for myself?”

With coffee and cigarettes in hand, she went into the sunroom, stretched out on the wicker love seat, and lit a cigarette while sipping her coffee. Ralph came in and made himself comfortable in her lap as was his new custom. It was then that she noticed that Tristan had left one of her old sweatshirts lying on a chair.

Claire pressed the shirt to her face, reveling in the scent, and cried for the woman who turned her world upside down, making her feel a loneliness she had not felt for a long time.

When she couldn’t cry any longer, Claire got up and took a shower. She spent a long time just letting the water beat into her stiff shoulders and neck. Feeling a little better after bathing, she slipped into her favorite pair of old jeans and one of Tristan’s sweatshirts. Returning to the kitchen for more coffee, she met Ralph, who seemed to really be enjoying himself with a stick with a white cap on it.

As she poured her coffee, she tried to remember where she had seen one of those stakes before. When the memory hit her, she nearly dropped the coffeepot. “Oh, my God, Ralph, spit that out!”

She ran to the startled cat and snatched the stick from his mouth.

With her other hand, she grabbed the orange tabby and ran to the phone.

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“Lucy, we have a problem. I found Ralph chewing on one of those ant poison stakes. Who is his veterinarian?” Claire blurted out frantically.

Claire raced to the vet’s office while Ralph pawed at the latch of his cat carrier. He growled a low growl, not enjoying being in the car. Claire assumed that the ant poison had upset his stomach because a mile from their destination, he passed gas, and Claire nearly ran off the road trying to get the windows down. Only then did he seem to relax and enjoy the ride.

Claire paced up and down the tiny waiting room at the vet’s office, while the doctor examined the angry orange tabby. Minutes later, she was surprised to see Cam, Lucy, and Tristan walk into the building. Claire could not take her eyes off Tristan. She was shocked to see how pale Tristan was and couldn’t help but notice that Tristan had lost quite a bit of weight.

Even so, Claire’s heart pounded in her stomach, and her insides fluttered.

Tristan’s eyes never met Claire’s. Instead, Tristan’s head hung down as Claire explained how she found the cat playing and gnawing on the poisonous stake. “The doctor wants to take a look at him and maybe run some tests. That’s all I really know for now,” Claire said as she wrung her hands nervously.

Tristan kept her eyes cast down as she informed everyone that she was going to wait outside so she could smoke. She asked someone to let her know when the doctor came out. Lucy assured her that she would get her as soon as the vet made an appearance.

Claire watched as she left, then looked to Lucy with pleading eyes.

Lucy sighed. “Go to her, sweetie, but I have to tell you I have no idea how she is going to act. She’s been beating herself up pretty badly.”

Claire stepped outside and hesitated a moment, wondering how she should best approach Tristan. She took a deep breath and hoped her gamble would work. She approached cautiously, lighting a cigarette of her own, needing something to calm her nerves.

“So, I guess we’re even now,” Claire said with cockiness.

Tristan turned slightly at the sound of her voice. “Even?”

“I poisoned your cat. I figured it would be the only way I could get you to face me. I didn’t want to kill him; I just wanted to make 196

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him a little sick. I was sure you would come running as soon as you heard.”

Tristan slowly turned to face Claire, looking into her eyes for the first time since the night Claire learned the truth. The last time Tristan saw those eyes, they were filled with hurt, betrayal, and fear. Now, there was something else –– hope. Claire did her best to remain calm under the scrutiny and not fidget as Tristan studied her with an intense gaze.

“I don’t believe you, Claire,” Tristan said calmly.

“It’s true. I had to see you, and I would have done almost anything to make that happen,” Claire said defiantly.

Tristan laughed for the first time in weeks. “You’re such a poor liar. I can see it in your eyes.”

”You come home to me, Tristan, or I swear I will shave that cat and dye his ass blue,” Claire demanded as tears rolled down her face.

“Do you still consider my place your home?” Tristan asked softly.

“It’s not a home without you in it. I haven’t slept in our bed since you’ve been gone.” Claire sniffed and smiled. “You owe me one hell of a back rub.”

Tristan’s eyes filled with tears of her own. “I’ll rub your back for the rest of my life if you’ll only forgive me.”

“I forgave you that night in the hospital, and I meant it,” Claire said as she timidly approached Tristan and wrapped her in her arms. Claire marveled at how good it felt to hold her again. She could barely let her go when Lucy poked her head out the door and called for them to come in.

Claire pulled away and looked at Tristan a little shyly when she held out her hand. Tristan took it and allowed Claire to lead her inside. The vet explained that it would be the same routine as all the other times. He would keep the cat overnight just to monitor him. Judging from the condition of the stick, he didn’t think Ralph got too much of the poison in his system.