Danielle Steel - Full circle

She insisted that she wasn't in love with him, but he knew that it wasn't that simple for her, that this was the first man she had willingly given herself to, and she had been so chaste for so long that in some ways her judgment was impaired. He knew that if the right man, or the wrong one as it were, came along and aroused her in a way she'd never known before, she might fall prey to him, and in this instance she had. She was mesmerized by Yael, and his unorthodox life and friends. She was fascinated by something she had never seen before, and at the same time he played her body like a violin. It was a difficult combination to defeat. And then, just before her final exams, six months into their relationship, Yael took matters in his own hands, and put her to the test.

“I need you next week, Tan.”

“What for?” She looked over her shoulder distractedly. She had two hundred pages more to read that night.

“Just a meeting, sort of.…” He was vague, smoking his fifth joint of the night. Usually, it didn't affect him visibly, but lately he was tired.

“What kind of meeting?”

“We want to make a point with the people who count.”

She smiled at him. “Who's that?”

“I think it's time we took things directly to government. We're going to the mayor's house.”

“Christ, you'll get busted for sure.” But it didn't seem to faze her much. She was used to that by now, not that she'd gotten arrested with him yet, although all the others had.

“So what?” He was unconcerned.

“If I'm with you, and I go, and no one bails me out, I'll miss my exams.”

“Oh, for chrissake, Tan, so what? What are you going to be after all? Some two-bit lawyer to defend society as it exists? It sucks, get rid of it first, then go to work. You can wait a year to take your exams, Tan. This is more important.” She looked at him, horrified at what she had just heard him say to her. He didn't understand her at all if he could say something like that. Who was this man?

“Do you know how hard I've worked for this, Yael?”

“Don't you realize how meaningless it is?”

It was the first fight they had ever had, and he pressured her for days, but in the end she did not go. She went back to her own house to study for exams, and when she watched the news that night, her eyes almost fell out of her head. The mayor's house had been bombed, and two of his children had almost been killed. As it turned out, they were going to be all right, but an entire side of the house had been destroyed, his wife was badly burned by a bomb that had exploded nearby. “And a radical student group at UC Berkeley had taken credit for it.” Seven students had been arrested on charges of attempted murder, assault, assorted weaponry charges, and sundry other things, and among them Yael McBee … and if she had listened to him, she realized with trembling knees, her whole life would have been over … not just law school, but her freedom for many, many years. She was deathly pale as she sat watching them being loaded into police wagons on TV and Harry watched her face and said nothing at all. She stood up after a long moment and looked down at him, grateful that he hadn't said anything. In one second, everything she had felt for Yael exploded into nothingness, like one of his bombs.

“He wanted me to be there tonight, Harry…” She started to cry. “You were right.” She felt sick. He had almost destroyed her life, and she had been completely under his spell. And for what? A piece of ass? How sick was she? She felt sick thinking of it. She had never realized how deeply committed they were to their ideals, and it terrified her now to have known them at all. She was afraid that she might be taken in for questioning. And eventually she was, but nothing ever came of it. She was a student who had slept with Yael McBee. She wasn't the only one. She took her exams. She passed the bar. She was offered a job in the district attorney's office, as a prosecutor, and grown-up life began then and there. The radical days were past, along with student life, and living with Harry and Averil in their little house. She rented an apartment in San Francisco, and slowly packed up her things. Everything was suddenly painful to her, everything was over, finished, done.

“You look like a picture of cheer.” Harry wheeled slowly into her room, as she threw another stack of law books into a box. “I guess I should call you Madam Prosecutor now.” She smiled and looked at him. She was still shocked at what had happened to Yael McBee, and almost to her through him. And she was still depressed at the thought of what she had felt for him. Now it had all begun to seem unreal. They hadn't come to trial yet, but she knew that he and his friends would be sent away for a long, long time.

“I feel like I'm running away from home.”

“You can always come back, you know, we'll still be here.” And then he suddenly looked sheepishly at her. Tana laughed as she looked at him. They had known each other for too long to be able to get away with anything.

“Now what does that look like? What mischief are you up to now?”

“Me? Nothing.”

“Harry…” She advanced on him menacingly and he wheeled away as he laughed.

“Honest, Tan … oh shit!” He ran smack into her desk and she carefully put her hands around his handsome throat. He looked more like his father every day, and she still missed him sometimes. It would have been a lot healthier having an affair with him than Yael McBee. “All right … all right … Ave and I are getting married.” For a moment, Tana looked shocked. Ann Durning had just gotten married for the third time, to a big movie producer in L.A. He had given her a Rolls Royce as a wedding present and a twenty-carat diamond ring, which Tana had heard a lot about from Jean. But that was something people like Ann Durning did. Somehow she had never thought about Harry getting married.

“You are?”

He smiled. “I thought after all this time … she's a terrific girl, Tan…”

“I know that, you dummy,” Tana grinned, “I've been living with her too. That just seems like such a grown-up thing to do.” They were all twenty-five years old, but she didn't feel old enough to get married yet, she wondered why they did. Maybe they had had more sex, she laughed to herself, and then she smiled at him and bent to kiss his cheek. “Congratulations. When?”

“Pretty soon.” And then suddenly Tana saw something funny in his eye. It was, at the same time, both embarrassment and pride.

“Harry Winslow … do you mean to tell me that … you didn't…” She was laughing now, and Harry was actually blushing for one of the few times in his life.

“I did. She's knocked up.”

“Oh, for chrissake.” And then her face sobered suddenly. “You don't have to get married, you know. Is she forcing you to?”

He laughed and Tana thought she'd never seen him look so happy in his life. “No, I forced her. I told her I'd kill her if she got rid of it. It's our kid, and I want it, and so does she.”

“My God,” Tana sat down hard on the bed, “marriage and a family. Jesus, you guys don't mess around.”

“Nope.” He looked about to burst with pride and his intended walked into the room with a shy smile.

“Is Harry telling you what I think he is?” Tana nodded, watching their eyes. There was something so peaceful and satisfied there. She wondered what it felt like to feel like that, and for a moment she almost envied them. “He has a big mouth.” But she bent and kissed his lips and he patted her behind, and a little while later he wheeled out of the room. They were getting married in Australia, where Averil was from, and Tana was invited to the wedding, of course, and after that they would come back to the same little house, but Harry was starting to look for a nice place in Piedmont for them to live until he finished school, it was time for the Winslow funds to come into play a little bit. He wanted Averil living decently now. And he turned to Tana later that night.