Danielle Steel - Irresistible Forces

“What are we going to do about this?” she asked Cal, as they lay in bed late one night, having finally escaped the others. They were being completely circumspect in public and they were sure no one had guessed their secret. But all they wanted to do now was go back to their room and be alone, make love, and talk until all hours. They had talked one night until dawn, and then finally slept a few hours until their meeting.

They were working together as usual, but the new dimension they'd added to their relationship changed everything. And between the time difference, and his schedule, Meredith hadn't talked to Steve since she'd arrived in Hawaii.

“What do you want to do about this, Merrie?” Cal asked her seriously, as he lay on his side, looking at her, tracing a lazy finger down the gentle curves of her body. What they had shared so far were volcanoes of passion and islands of calm. But what waited for them beyond the shores where they stood was a storm of terrifying proportions and dangerously deep waters. It was no secret to either of them, and Cal looked happy and peaceful as he looked into her eyes. They knew they loved each other, but they knew nothing more than that yet. And he had no idea which way Meredith would choose to turn, toward the past or the future. Either was possible, and she herself was drifting slowly toward the unknown with no real sense of direction. She was like a ship that had gently slipped away from its mooring.

“I just don't know,” Meredith said honestly, as she lay close to him, feeling his strength and his warmth enticingly near her. What she felt for him was so powerful it still took her breath away. “I can't do this to Steve, Cal. … I can't … I can't leave him.” But she couldn't leave Cal either now, she knew that as well. She was trapped between two worlds, and she felt pulled in opposite directions.

“Let's not make any decisions right now,” he said sensibly, trying to stay calm, and not frighten her. “We don't have to do anything now. Why don't we just enjoy this while we can?” She nodded silently in answer, he kissed her, and then slowly began to make love to her again.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other while they were in their rooms, but they were extremely circumspect when they were around other people from the firm, or in meetings. They gave the speeches they had prepared, led small groups, and joined the others for both lunch and dinner. Even the most observant of their colleagues would have been hard put to find anything out of the ordinary in their exchanges. But what Meredith felt when she was with him, more than anything, was a kind of unspoken intimacy and greater depth between them. It was intangible, but very real, and enhanced everything they had shared until that moment. And it was so obvious to her that it seemed incredible that no one else could see it.

“They must be blind,” she said to Cal, as they sat wrapped in towels on their terrace before they went to dress for dinner. They had been swimming on the beach, and had just taken a long hot bath together, and had inevitably made love.

“People don't see what's right in front of them sometimes,” he said comfortably, sipping a martini. He didn't drink during the day, but he enjoyed a cocktail before dinner, and occasionally Merrie joined him, but that evening she didn't. She wanted to be clearheaded for their gathering that night. What was happening to them seemed heady enough to her, and she didn't want to add to it. “Are you happy?” he asked, as she lay on a deck chair, watching the sunset with him.

“More so than I deserve.” What they had discovered was very special to both of them, but she also knew that, for the moment at least, it was borrowed, if not stolen. And sooner or later they would have to pay their dues. But not yet. For the moment, it was still theirs for the taking, and neither of them could resist. The force that had pulled them toward each other was more powerful than they were.

“You deserve everything you want,” Cal said lovingly, as he leaned down to kiss her.

“Sometimes that's not true,” she said softly. “Things don't always work out the way you want them to. I wish we had met sooner.”

“So do I,” he said with a sigh, “but maybe neither of us would have been ready.” But nor were they now. He may have been free, but she was married. “We do everything so well together, Meredith.”

“Yeah, I know,” she smiled, “like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.”

“No. Like Callan Dow and Meredith Whitman. We're special people, Merrie. We both are. We know what we want, and we're not afraid to work like dogs to make it happen. The same could be true for us now, if we want this. We could have a wonderful life together, if we decide to go for it. I don't want to push you into anything. The question is what do you want? And how badly do you want it? Getting from here to there might not be easy for you.” It was something of an understatement, but it was the first time he had offered to share his life with her, although it was not yet clear on what basis. As mistress or wife or girlfriend? And she realized that maybe even he didn't know yet.

“I'm not willing to hurt Steve for us, Cal,” she said quietly. “He doesn't deserve that.” In spite of what she felt for Cal now, she couldn't imagine a life without her husband. He had been part of her life for too long now to give that up. He was part of her, body and soul. It was more complicated than Cal knew. She had never been unhappy with Steven. Circumstances had taken them from each other, not choice. The only choice she'd made was to move to California, and Steve had made it with her, but she still wasn't so certain that it was a good one.

They had dinner with the others that night, and stayed out later than usual with them, dancing beneath the stars, and then they went for a walk on the beach in the dark, just holding hands and talking softly. They never kissed when they were out of their room, for fear that someone would see them.

And finally, the next morning, Steve called her. Cal had just left her room, and she was startled when the phone rang and she heard him. And the moment she heard his voice, she felt incredibly guilty.

“How's it going, Merrie?” Steve asked cheerfully. “Having fun?”

“It's been great so far,” she said, matching her tone to his, but she felt like a criminal when she did it. “We've been very busy.”

“I'll bet you have. It must be like taking Boy Scouts to camp.”

“More or less,” she laughed, but it was a hollow sound, and she almost winced thinking of the pain she might cause him.

They talked for a short time, and she finally told him she had to go to a meeting. “I'll call you when I can,” she promised, and he gave her dispensation, if not absolution.

“Don't worry about it, babe. I know you're busy. Just call when it's convenient.” Everything he said made her feel worse by the minute, and when she saw Cal after their first meeting of the day, he sensed her tension.

“Is something wrong, Merrie?” he asked softly, as they walked to lunch with the others.

“I talked to Steve.” She looked unhappy as she said it, and for an instant, he panicked. He was terrified of what she would say next. He didn't want their romance to end.

“Did you tell him about us?” He knew that it was an eventual possibility, but to him, it seemed early days to do that. They were still feeling their way along, trying to figure out where they were going. This was still very new to both of them, and he thought they needed some time to adjust, before she told her husband, although he hoped that she would eventually. The only thing he knew at the moment was that, if it was possible, he wanted a future with Merrie, one that did not include Steve.