Danielle Steel - Journey

“Oh my God … oh my God … I didn't really think it was you … I just wanted to ask you … oh my God….” They sat there for a long time, rocking back and forth and holding each other, and then they held hands, and just looked at each other. Elizabeth was smiling through her tears, and Maddy was still too shaken to know what she thought. The only thing she knew was that beyond the miracle of time and circumstance, they had found each other. And Maddy had no idea what to do about it. This was just the beginning after so many years.

“Where are your adoptive parents?” Maddy asked finally All she had been allowed to know was that they lived in Tennessee, had no other children, and were gainfully employed. She knew nothing else about them. In those days, all the records were sealed, and the information given to either side was so minimal you could never find each other. It was done for that purpose. And over the years, as things changed legally, regarding old sealed adoptions, Maddy had never wanted to make any effort to find her. She figured it was too late, and it was something she had to let go of, rather than cling to. But now here she was.

“I never knew them,” Elizabeth explained, still wiping the tears from her eyes, as she clung to her mother's hand. “They died when I was a year old, in a train wreck, and I was state-raised till I was five, in an orphanage in Knoxville.” It turned Maddy's stomach to realize that she was living in Knoxville at the same time and was married to Bobby Joe, and could have taken her back if she had to. But she had no way of knowing where the child was. “I grew up in foster homes after that. Some of them were okay, some of them were pretty awful. I moved around the state a lot, I never stayed in any of them more than six months, I didn't really want to. I always felt like an outsider, and some of them were mean to me, so I was happy to move on to the next one.”

“And no one ever adopted you again?” Maddy looked horrified as Elizabeth shook her head.

“I guess that's why I wanted to find you. I almost got adopted once or twice, but my foster parents always decided it was too expensive. They had kids of their own, and they couldn't afford another one. I stay in touch with some of them, particularly the last ones. They have five kids, and they were nice to me. They were all boys, and I almost married my oldest brother, but I figured it'd be too weird, so I didn't. I'm living on my own in Memphis now, I'm going to City College and working as a waitress. When I finish school, I'm going to move to Nashville, and try to get a job singing in a nightclub.” She had the same spirit of survival as her mother.

“Can you sing?” Maddy asked with surprise, suddenly wanting to know everything about her. Her heart ached as she thought of her in orphanages and foster homes, and never having real parents. But remarkably she seemed to have survived it, from what Maddy could see superficially at least. She was a lovely-looking girl, and as she glanced at her, she realized that they had both crossed their legs at the same time, in exactly the same way.

“I like to sing. I guess I have a pretty good voice. That's what people tell me.”

“Then you can't be my daughter,” Maddy laughed, with tears in her eyes again. She was overwhelmed with emotion as they continued to hold hands, sitting in Maddy's office. And miraculously, for once, no one had interrupted them. It was a rare, quiet morning. “What else do you like to do?”

“I like horses. I can ride anything on four legs. But I hate cows. One of the families that fostered me had a dairy farm. I swore I'd never marry a farmer.” They both laughed at that. “I like kids. I write to all my foster brothers and sisters, except for a few of them. Most of them were good people. I like Washington.” She smiled at Maddy then. “I like you on TV … I like clothes … I like boys … I like the beach….”

“I love you,” Maddy blurted out, although she didn't even know her. “I loved you then too. I just couldn't take care of you, I was fifteen and my parents wouldn't let me keep you. I cried over it for years. I always wondered where you were and if you were okay, and if people were being good to you. I told myself you'd been adopted by wonderful people who loved you.” It broke her heart to think that that hadn't been true, and the child had grown up between foster homes and state institutions.

“Do you have kids?” Elizabeth wanted to know. It was a reasonable question. And Maddy shook her head with a look of sorrow. But she did now. She had a daughter. And this time, she wasn't going to lose her. She had already made that decision.

“No, I don't. I never had children, and I can't now.” Elizabeth didn't ask her why, she was respectful of the fact that they didn't know each other. And given the patchwork quilt that her past had been, Maddy was impressed by how polite she was, and well behaved, and how educated she sounded. “Do you like to read?” Maddy asked, curious about her.

“I love it,” Elizabeth confirmed, another trait she had inherited from her mother, along with her perseverance and courage and dogged pursuit of her objectives. She had never given up on finding her mother. It was all she'd ever wanted.

“How old are you now?” Elizabeth asked her, just to be sure she'd originally guessed Maddy's age right. Elizabeth wasn't sure if Maddy had been fifteen or sixteen when she gave up her baby.

“I'm thirty-four.” They were more like sisters, and looked it, than mother and daughter. “And I'm married to the man who owns this network. His name is Jack Hunter.” It was pretty basic information, but after she said it, Elizabeth stunned her.

“I know. I met him last week, in his office.”

“You what? How did you do that?” It seemed impossible to Maddy.

“I tried to ask for you in the lobby, and they wouldn't let me see you. They sent me right up to his office. I talked to his secretary, and I'd written you a note, it just said that I wanted to ask you if you were my mother. She took it to him, and then she brought me in to see him,” she said innocently, as though it were a perfectly logical sequence of events, and it was in some ways. Except that Jack hadn't said a word about it to Maddy

“And then what happened?” Maddy asked, with her heart pounding again, just as it had when Elizabeth said Maddy was her mother. “What did he say to you?”

“He told me that he knew for a fact that I was wrong, that you'd never had any children. I think he thought I was a fake, or trying to blackmail you or something. He told me to go away and never come back again. I showed him my birth certificate and the picture, and I was afraid he would take them away from me, but he didn't. He just told me that wasn't your maiden name, but I knew it was, so I thought he might be lying to protect you. And then I wondered if maybe he didn't know, and you never told him.”

“I never did,” Maddy said honestly. “I was afraid to. He's been very good to me. He got me out of Knoxville nine years ago, and paid for my divorce. He made me who I am today, and I didn't know how he'd feel if I told him, so I didn't.” But he knew now, and he hadn't said a word to her. She wondered if it was because he thought it was a hoax and didn't want to worry her, or if he was saving it for ammunition. Given what she'd come to believe of him recently, she thought the latter more likely, and couldn't help wondering when he was going to tell her. He was probably saving it for just the right moment, when it would do the most damage. And then she felt instantly guilty for what she was thinking. “Well, he knows now,” Maddy said with a sigh, looking at the girl. And then she looked at the girl squarely. “What are we going to do now, about all this?”