Lisa See - Snow Flower And The Secret Fan

Remember how things were for my elder sister? She was sad to be leaving our home, but everyone believed she was going to a fair marriage. Her songs were neither too tragic nor too blissful, reflecting what was to be her future. I had had mixed emotions about my marriage. I too was sad to leave home, but I was excited that my life would change for the better. I had sung songs to praise my parents for bringing me up and to thank them for their hard work on my behalf. Snow Flower’s future, on the other hand, looked bleak. No one could deny or change that, so our songs were filled with melancholy.

“Mama,” Snow Flower chanted one day, “Baba failed to plant me on a sunny hill. I will live in the shade forever.”

Her mother sang back, “Truly, it is like planting a beautiful flower on a pile of cow dung.”

The three girls and I could only agree, raising our voices in unison to repeat both phrases. This is how things were: heavyhearted, but done in the traditional manner.

THE DAYS GREW colder. Snow Flower’s younger brother visited one day and glued paper against the lattice window. Still, the damp crept in. Our fingers grew tight and red from the constant chill. The three girls were afraid to say much of anything. We couldn’t go on this way, so I suggested that we move downstairs to the kitchen, where we might warm ourselves by the brazier. Madame Wang and Snow Flower’s mother deferred to me, showing me once again that I had power now.

Long ago I had made my third-day wedding book for Snow Flower. It was filled with lovely predictions about Snow Flower and her future, but these things no longer pertained. I started again. I cut indigo cloth for the outside, folded it around several sheets of rice paper, and stitched the binding with white thread. Inside the front leaf I pasted red paper cutouts into the corners. The first pages were for me to write my farewell song to Snow Flower, the next were for my introduction of her to her new family, and the rest were left blank so she could use them for her own writings and to store her embroidery patterns. I rubbed ink against stone and enlisted my brush to write the characters in our secret language. I made each stroke as perfect as possible. I couldn’t let my hand—so unsteady from the emotions of those days—mar the sentiments.

When the thirty days were over, the Day of Sorrow and Worry began. Snow Flower stayed upstairs. Her mother sat on the fourth stair leading to the women’s chamber. Our songs had grown and developed by then. Despite the ominous threat of Snow Flower’s father’s anger at any noise, I raised my voice to chant my feelings and recommendations, such as they were.

“A good woman should not detest her husband’s disadvantage,” I sang, remembering “The Tale of Wife Wang.” “Help lift your family to a better state. Serve and obey your husband.”

Snow Flower’s mother and aunt echoed these thoughts. “To be good daughters, we must obey,” they sang together. Hearing their voices harmonizing together, no one could doubt the devotion and affection between them. “We must stay in our upstairs rooms, be chaste, be modest, and perfect the womanly arts. To be filial, we must leave home. This is our fate. When we go to our husbands’ homes, new worlds unfold—sometimes better, sometimes worse.”

“We had our happy daughter days together,” I reminded Snow Flower. “Year after year, we were never a step apart. Now we will be together just the same.” I recalled things we had written in our first exchanges on the fan and in our laotong contract. “We will still speak in whispers. We will still choose our colors, thread our needles, and embroider together.”

Snow Flower appeared at the top of the stairs. Her voice floated down to me. “I thought we would soar together—two phoenixes in flight—forever. Now I am like a dead thing sinking to the bottom of a pond. You say we will be together just the same. I believe you. But my threshold will hardly compare to yours.”

She slowly descended, stopping to sit by her mother. We expected to see bitter tears, but there were none. She linked arms with her mother and listened politely as the village girls continued their laments. Looking at Snow Flower, I couldn’t help wondering at her seeming lack of emotion, when even I—as excited as I’d been to be marrying well—had cried during this ceremony. Were Snow Flower’s feelings just as confused as mine had been? She would miss her mother surely, but would she miss that vile father of hers or miss waking up each morning in that empty house, which could only be a constant reminder of everything that had gone wrong with her family? It was terrible to be marrying into a butcher’s home, but as a practical matter could it be worse than this? And Snow Flower was born a horse too. The galloping spirit that yearned for adventure was just as strong in her as it was in me. Still, although we were old sames, both of us born under the sign of the horse, my feet were always on the ground—practical, loyal, and obedient—while her horse spirit had wings that wanted to soar and fought against anything that might rein her in, despite having a mind that sought beauty and refinement.

Two days later, Snow Flower’s flower-sitting chair arrived. Again she did not weep or struggle against the inevitable. She lingered for a moment in the piteously small crowd that had gathered and then stepped into the sparsely decorated palanquin. The three girls I’d hired didn’t even wait for the flower-sitting chair to go around the corner before they set off for their homes. Snow Flower’s mother retreated inside, and I was left alone with Madame Wang.

“You must think me an evil old woman,” the matchmaker said. “But you should understand that I never lied to your mother or your aunt. There is little a woman can do in this life to change her fate, let alone someone else’s, but—”

I held up a hand to prevent her from listing her excuses, because I needed to know something different. “All those years ago when you came to my house and looked at my feet—”

“You’re asking me if you really were special?”

When I said yes, she regarded me with hard eyes.

“It is not so easy to find a potential laotong, ” she admitted. “I had several diviners looking throughout the countryside for someone I could match to my niece. True, I would have preferred someone from a higher family, but Diviner Hu found you. Your eight characters matched perfectly to my niece’s. But he would have come to me anyway, because, yes, your feet were that special. Your fate was destined to change, with or without my niece as your laotong. And now I hope her fate has been changed because of her relationship to you. I told many lies, so she might have a chance at life. I will never apologize to you for that.”

I stared into Madame Wang’s overly rouged face, considering. I wanted to hate her, but how could I? She had done the best she could for the one person who mattered more to me in the world than any other.

SINCE SNOW FLOWER’S elder sister would not deliver the third-day wedding books, I went in her place. My natal family sent a palanquin, and in a short time I arrived in Jintian. No decorations or raucous sounds of a wedding band gave any hint that anything special was happening in the village on that day. I simply stepped out of my palanquin onto a dirt pathway in front of a house with a low-slung roof and a pile of wood against the wall. To the right of the door was something that looked like a gigantic wok embedded in a brick platform.

A feast should have been prepared for my arrival. It wasn’t. The top women in the village should have greeted me. They did, but the coarseness of their dialect, even though only a few li from Tongkou, told me a lot about the unsavory quality of the people who lived here.