Radclyffe - Crossroads

“I’m sure you’ll handle it,” Sybil said. “You know, Hollis, you’re really, really good at what you do.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

“So go get Mary’s baby started in the world.”

Smiling at the prospect of doing what she did best, the one thing that gave her uncomplicated pleasure, Hollis tipped a finger to her forehead in salute. “Yes ma’am. I’ll tell Mary you said hi.”

By the time she got to the delivery room, the nurses had Mary on the table in position. “What’s the status?” Hollis said, holding out her hands for her gown and gloves.

“She’s moving through stage two pretty fast.”

“Pressure?” Mary had had serious hypertension during her last pregnancy, and now was the time when they were likely to see a recurrence.

“Holding nice and steady,” the anesthesiologist said.

Hollis moved to the head of the table and looked down at Mary, who was awake. She’d opted for an epidural to help relieve the pain, but she hadn’t been given any other drugs that might sedate her or the baby. “How are you doing?”

“I’m ready for this to be over.” Mary’s brown hair was black with sweat at the temples and her cheeks flushed from exertion. Her deep green eyes were bright with anticipation.

Hollis’s mood lifted, buoyed by Mary’s excitement. “I’ll just bet you are. Sounds like it won’t be too long. Everything’s going fine.”

Mary searched her face and must have seen the certainty in Hollis’s eyes because she nodded and smiled. “I feel fine. If it weren’t for the God-blessed contractions I’d be perfect. Thank you for this—I can hardly remember the first time.” She caught her breath and her face tightened with a wave of pain.

“No need to thank me,” Hollis said when the contraction passed, noting the time on the big clock on the wall. “You’re the one doing all the work.” She glanced across the table to Mary’s husband, who sat on a high stool holding Mary’s hand. His face was pale above his mask, but his eyes were calm. “You doing okay, Cliff?”

“Just fine,” he said hoarsely. “Mary’s a champ.”

“That she is. So I guess I better get to work or you two won’t think I’m necessary.”

Cliff brushed Mary’s hair, his hand trembling. “Okay, baby, just a little bit longer.”

“Easy for you to say,” Mary grunted.

“Don’t I know it. I love you.”

Hollis eased back down the table and motioned for the circulating nurse to slide over a stool for her to sit between Mary’s legs. When she performed an internal exam, she found the baby’s head ready to emerge. Her pulse jumped. She’d been in this exact position hundreds of times, and every time was still a thrill. In this moment, all that mattered were Mary and this baby. “All systems go. Next contraction, Mary, I want you to push.”

*

Annie left her car in the parking lot at PMC and walked, no particular destination in mind. She’d already canceled her clinic appointments for the morning, expecting to be tied up at least part of the day in the meeting. Now she was at loose ends and too agitated to work. She’d thought she was prepared to see Hollis Monroe again, knowing it was inevitable. She’d thought she’d put the anger and frustration and fear behind her a long time ago. Callie was the best thing in her life, and she didn’t regret having her for one single second. She wished with all her heart the delivery had been different—that she could have experienced what so many of her patients experienced—a joyous, miraculous birth surrounded by loved ones in a safe environment, with only wonderful memories to cherish for a lifetime when it was all over. She wished she could have watched the face of the person she loved when Callie emerged and felt her child’s first tentative movements on her breast. But instead of holding Callie in her arms and taking her daughter to her breast seconds after she drew her first breath, she had no memories at all—only of awakening to confusion and pain and a terrifying emptiness where Callie had once been. She would never have the chance to experience the complete cycle of birth, and part of her wept at the loss.

But she had Callie, and Callie was all the miracle she’d ever need. She hadn’t realized how much anger she had buried. She sighed and turned into the park a few blocks from her house. She hadn’t had much time to explore the neighborhood, but she and Callie often came here after school to talk about Callie’s day and enjoy the spring weather. Late morning, the park was nearly deserted, and she found a bench under a big maple. She so rarely had any time to just be. Between her busy practice and her busy little girl, she didn’t have much time to be quiet.

As soon as she sat, she was back in Hollis Monroe’s office, railing at her. She replayed the conversation in Hollis’s office and heard herself saying things out loud she hadn’t even allowed herself to think. She’d taken Callie home from the hospital alone and raised her alone while finishing school with distance courses, and then she’d gone to work helping other women experience what she hadn’t. She’d thought she’d put the past behind her, but today she’d totally lost control. Seeing Hollis had triggered all the memories of that terrifying day, and thinking about it now, a lot of her anger had been toward Jeff. She’d never had any place to put that either. Maybe she hadn’t been entirely fair this morning. She’d unloaded on Hollis, and Hollis had let her.

She was still too close to her feelings to even know if she regretted what she’d said. No, that wasn’t right. She’d said what she truly felt, but maybe if she hadn’t been taken by surprise, she might have kept some of it to herself. Hollis had been a lot more rational—and sensitive—than she had been, and that embarrassed her. She didn’t let her emotions run away with her, and with this particular person, she really didn’t want to appear as if she were unable to handle her emotions. Not that she was going to see her again.

Personal things aside, she’d been right about one thing. Professionally, she and Hollis were at opposite ends of the universe, and there was no possible way they could work together.

*

Hollis changed into jeans and a dark blue button-down collar shirt, shed her OR clogs for an old pair of plain brown loafers she couldn’t part with, and signed out for the day. She’d underestimated the speed of Mary’s labor—it wasn’t quite noon and Mary was securely tucked away on Maternity with baby Thomas in her arms and her husband giddily taking videos. She should have felt completely satisfied, but the meeting with Annie still haunted her. She didn’t second-guess her decisions if things didn’t go as planned, but she always reviewed the facts to see what she might have done differently when a case didn’t turn out well. She wasn’t too proud to learn from her mistakes—if she ever discovered otherwise, she’d have to seriously rethink what she was doing. She remembered Annie’s angry question— What would have happened if you’d waited another ten minutes? Maybe there was a way to give Annie an answer she’d believe. Hollis paused in the hall outside Labor and Delivery and called her office.

“Obstetrics and Gynecology, Dr. Monroe’s office, how may I help you?” Sybil said.

“Do me a favor, would you—pull a patient chart from four years ago. The name is Colfax, Annie.”

“I certainly will,” Sybil said without hesitation and without questions. She’d be curious, but she was too professional to pry. She’d wait for Hollis to fill her in, when and if the need arose. “I take it everything went well?”

“Seven pounds, six ounces, Apgar 9 and 10. Mother doing great. Father too.”