Ramez Naam - Apex

She took another breath.

“Madame Secretary, delegates, people of the world! I urge you to look into your hearts. Understand that our daughters and our sons will be better than we are. Do not hate them for it. Love them for it, and vote for this measure which grants them the rights and freedoms they deserve every bit as much as you do yours!”

There was wild applause, then, and as the camera zoomed back, Kade saw that it was from the observation galleries, to the sides of the Assembly, where people were standing, clapping ferociously, whistling.

And also from the Assembly itself, where there were at least twenty delegates on their feet, applauding.

And applause in this room in Bangalore as well, everyone clapping and cheering, every mind exulting.

Kade whooped and clapped and laughed. There were tears in his eyes, he found.

There was no chance it would pass, of course. Too many nations would be afraid of pissing off the US and China. And even if it did pass the Assembly, the US would veto it in the Security Council.

But this, this moment, with delegates of twenty countries on their feet applauding.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, felt Ananda’s mind behind him.

“You’ve done well, young man,” his teacher told him.

Kade laughed. He’d been just a tiny part of it, just the irritation in the oyster.

Ananda picked up on the thought.

None of that, my boy. You did a very good thing, and that’s the end of it.

Kade turned and grinned. Around them, drinks were being passed out in celebration. Musicians were taking their places. This would soon become a full blown party.

“Thank you, Ananda,” he said out loud. “Now I have a question.”

The eminent Buddhist scholar and neuroscientist raised an eyebrow.

Kade grinned wider. “Do monks dance?”

Sam cheered through the speech. There were tears in her eyes.

Jake. Jake would have loved to see this moment. He would have loved to see the kids safe here. To see even this voted-down gesture acknowledging the humanity of Sarai, and Kit, and Aroon…

Oh Jake.

She raised her glass of ice water, toasted the moment, clinked glasses with those around her.

Yet she was who she was. And so some part of her never stopped watching, never stopped taking stock.

And so she noticed when a man twitched, not far from Kade, at something the Indian Ambassador said. Youngish. Clean shaven. His smile looked pained, forced.

She noticed that another man, in uniform, was watching the crowd even more intently than she was, a smile on his lips, but cold calculation in his eyes: General Singh.

And she noticed that the youngish man who’d twitched made an early, nervous exit from the event.

Sam memorized his face for later.

Then she did her very best to enjoy the night.

For the children.

And for Jake.

40

The Pawn Seldom Knows

Tuesday 2040.11.19

Sam listened as Kade passed on what the Indians wanted. To study how the children used Nexus. And to look for any signs that Nexus had harmed them. To try to spot the risks of deploying it to millions of Indian children.

He had a million things to say, as usual.

She had one question.

“Is there any risk to our kids in this?”

Kade looked her in the eye. He was tense around her. She could see it in the way he sat with his body closed off. The way he froze up. Anger, too. She couldn’t blame him for either.

His very presence sent her pulse shooting up. Sent memories her bullets smashing into the outline of Kevin’s face, his body tumbling out into the night cascading through her brain.

“I’ll approve every step,” Kade said. “I won’t allow anything that’s invasive.”

Sam nodded. “OK then.”

She stood to go.

Kade blinked in surprise. “That’s it?”

She cocked her head. “You got what you wanted, right?”

She turned to leave.

“Sam,” he called after her. “The kids would love it if you took Nexus again, if they could…”

Blood bubbled up through the wound in Jake’s chest. “I wish I’d known you,” he said. His mind collapsed into chaos and then nothing.

She stopped in the doorway, her fists clenched, breathing hard. She turned.

Kade was standing, looking at her, like she was broken.

“I will. I’m going to. Just not yet.”

“There are other drugs,” Kade started. “That can help with traum–”

“I don’t want your fucking help,” Sam snapped.

He flinched, visibly.

Sam closed her eyes.

“Shit,” she said.

“I just…” Kade started again.

Sam held up her hands. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Kade was shaking his head. “ I’m sorry,” he said.

“Stop,” Sam said. “Let me finish. I tense up when I see you. I’ve got a bad case of PTSD. I’ve got some serious hell to go through.” She looked him in the eye. “And it isn’t just about you.”

Kade was looking at her.

“I’m through with killing, Kade.”

She saw the shock go across his face.

“Do you remember Lee? Head of our security squad in Bangkok? Ordinary guy, doing his job, maybe saved both of our lives?”

Kade swallowed. “Wats killed him. Not you.”

“I’ve killed plenty,” Sam said. “Some who deserved to die. Shiva did.”

She saw him want to object. She raised a hand to forestall it. “Plenty of them didn’t deserve to die. Lee’s men in Bangkok. The marines at Ananda’s monastery, though I tried like hell not to kill any of them.”

“They would have killed me ,” Kade said. “Or taken me to a deep dark hole…”

Sam shook her head. “I’m through making the choice of who deserves to live and die. It takes too much out of you. I want to build something. I want to nurture things.”

She saw him draw a breath. She kept going. Things needed to be said.

“Sometimes, though, I do blame you, Kade,” she said. “I blame you to hell for putting that back door in there.”

Kill them all , Shiva Prasad whispered in her brain. She was sweating. She was trembling. Kade was trembling in front of her.

“But…” she forced herself to press on, shaking her head. “I don’t know that I would have done a damn thing different.”

She looked down, looked at her own hands, clenched and unclenched them. She’d wanted that back door. She’d wanted to rip open the brain of the soldier who’d killed Jake, wanted to learn every goddamn thing he knew.

Move past that. Back to the thread.

She looked back up at Kade.

“I’m glad Nexus exists,” she said. “I’m glad you put it out there. Even after everything. I think the world’s better this way.” She swallowed. “What happened to me was evil. But evil’s always happened, long before Nexus. There’s good now too. The damage is in my head. I’ll beat it.”

Kade smiled sadly. He spoke softly, gently. “Why don’t you accept some medical help with that?”

Sam nodded. “At this stage, after the trauma has set in. The protocols here are memory malleability drugs plus psychotherapy. I’d be letting one of their shrinks into my head, in a situation where they could literally rewire me.” She shook her head. “I can beat it on my own. It’ll take longer. But I can.”

Kade shook his head. “Why, Sam? Why not let them help you?”

Sam laughed. “Because I don’t trust them, Kade. I’m grateful, but I don’t trust them.”

Kade frowned, searching for the right words. Looking for some way to tell her she was being paranoid.

He didn’t get it. He didn’t really know the level this game was played at.