Janet Evanovich - Takedown Twenty

“I have too many possibilities. There are all these row houses, plus he’s related to half the Burg.”

“Your call,” Ranger said. “Where do we go from here?”

“How about a beer and onion rings?”

“I like it.”

He was very close. I saw his eyes focus on my mouth, and I knew he was going to kiss me. I leaned into him, and his attention went from my mouth to something at the end of the block.

“I just saw a giraffe,” Ranger said. “He was walking down Freeman.”

“That’s Kevin.”

Ranger grinned. “You know him?”

“I’ve seen him around.”

There was shouting from the front side of the building, and car doors slamming. An engine caught and tires chirped. Kevin skittered around the corner at full gallop, charged past us, and disappeared into the darkness. A black SUV with tinted windows rounded the corner, obviously chasing Kevin. It blew past us, screeching to a stop at the cross street.

“They’ve lost him,” I said.

“Hard to believe you could lose a giraffe.”

“Kevin is wily. And the guys in the SUV might not be exceptionally smart.”

The SUV moved into the intersection and made a U-turn.

“Smart enough to come back to run over us,” Ranger said.

He grabbed my hand, tugging me through the back door and into the social club’s back stairwell. We ran flat-out through the club, past four old men playing cards. One of the men was Joe’s Uncle Chooch.

“Hey, Stephanie,” Uncle Chooch said. “Long time no see.”

I looked over at him and stumbled, crashing into a rickety table holding a cappuccino machine. The machine fell off the table, and coffee and cups went flying in all directions.

Ranger grabbed me and shoved me out the front door. We sprinted to the Porsche, jumped in, and Ranger drove off. I turned in my seat in time to see several men standing in front of the social club with guns drawn. Hard to identify them in the dark, but I imagined they were the usual players. Maybe Uncle Chooch.

“So that went pretty smooth,” I said to Ranger.

He glanced over at me. “If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll have to kill you.”

I was almost positive he was kidding.

“You could buy me off with the onion rings,” I told him.

“Deal.”

We went to a downtown pub that was so dark we were almost invisible to each other as we slid into a corner booth. We ordered cheese fries, onion rings, and beer.

“Are you actually going to eat cheese fries and onion rings?” I asked him.

“That was my plan.”

“What about the healthy food thing? Wouldn’t you rather have a salad? Tree bark? A chunk of salmon?”

“I didn’t see tree bark on the menu. Have you made any progress with the Gillian murder?”

“Melvina Gillian belonged to a senior discount club. All the murdered women belonged. So they all shopped at the same grocery store, liquor store, and bakery, because they were given a discount. I thought I’d get a list of the stores tomorrow and check them out. Also, Rose Walchek is being buried on Sunday, and there’s going to be a viewing for her tomorrow night. I thought you would want to attend one or both.”

“You thought wrong. I’ll pay you double if you go without me.”

“I’ll go to the viewing, but I’m not going to the funeral. I get emotional at funerals.”

“Good enough.”

I checked my phone and found I had a message from Grandma. She said she was home and going to bed, and she’d talk to me tomorrow.

FIFTEEN

THE BONDS OFFICE is open for half a day on Saturday, but the truth is the bonds office never really shuts down. People need to get bonded out on Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, and Vinnie and Connie take the calls on their cellphones. My job is even more unstructured. I get paid when I catch someone, so I’m always looking. The day of the week doesn’t matter to me.

I parked at the curb just as Connie was unlocking the front door. We went inside, and I got coffee brewing.

“Ranger and I went looking for Sunny last night, but we couldn’t find him,” I told Connie. “He wasn’t with Rita.”

“He just took a load of buckshot. He’s probably sitting on a rubber donut somewhere, eating comfort food. Find a nurturing relative.”

“Anything new come in for me?”

“Billie Jean Bailey skipped out. I called her mom, and she said Billie Jean followed her boyfriend to Florida. It was a shoplifting charge and not worth a trip south. You can keep it in your bag for when Billie Jean has a fight with the boyfriend and comes home. And the other one to come in is a bad one. Armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Nineteen years old. His file photo shows gang tattoos. He gave Stark Street as his address, but it’s an apartment in someone else’s name. Probably this kid shuffles around.”

I took both files and shoved them into my messenger bag. “I’m going to mooch breakfast from my mom. Have Lula call me when she comes in.”

I left the office and drove the short distance to my parents’ house. I parked in the driveway, got out of the car, and almost had an orgasm from the aroma of bacon frying. The smell was positively oozing out of the house.

“We got bacon and pancakes going this morning,” Grandma said, opening the door for me. “Your mother got a new griddle, and we had to test it out. You’re just in time.”

I took a seat at the kitchen table and set my bag on the floor. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s off to help your sister unplug a toilet,” Grandma said.

My mother gave me a plate heaped with pancakes and bacon, and my grandmother brought a mug and the coffeepot to the table. I added butter and syrup and dug in.

“How’d the date go?” I asked Grandma. “Sorry I missed your message.”

“It went real good. We went to the movies and then we stopped at the diner for pie. He even paid for it. And he told me all about when he was in the Army, and how his gallbladder almost burst last year, and how he only has four toes on one foot. Can you imagine?”

At the risk of being politically incorrect and an insensitive idiot, I thought four toes on one foot when coupled with the flab belly, wheezing and sweating, and zombie complexion might significantly lower his hotness rating for me.

“Gee,” I said. “That’s different.”

“Yeah,” Grandma said. “Good thing he has a car. It makes up for a lot of deformity.”

“There’s going to be a viewing tonight for Rose Walchek,” I said to Grandma. “Do you want to go with me?”

“I already promised Gordon I’d go with him. He’s picking me up early, so we get a seat with a view of the casket. And then we’re going out after. They’re having a wine tasting at the liquor store. You get to try all the wines for free.”

“You shouldn’t be drinking with him,” my mother said. “I don’t trust him.”

“He was a perfect gentleman last night,” Grandma said. “He didn’t cuss or pass gas or nothing.”

“How about you?” I asked Grandma. “Did you do any of those things?”

“I might have slipped one out in the movie,” Grandma said, “but I don’t think anyone noticed.”

I was on my last piece of bacon when Lula called.

“I’m at the office,” she said. “Do we have anything to do today?”

“We could track down a gang guy wanted for armed robbery and assault.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun, but I might have to pass on account of I don’t want to die right now.”

“We could visit some of Sunny’s relatives and ask if he’s staying with them.”

“Ditto for the above reason.”

“We could do some leg work for Ranger on the Dumpster murders.”

“I might be willing to help you with that if you bring me some bacon from your mama’s kitchen.”